Friday, August 15, 2014

This Is All I Get

Hey Folks,
I appreciate all the information that you have sent my way when it comes to breast feeding and pumping.  I do pump on a regular basis.  I don't get a lot.  As a matter of fact I'm going to take a photo of my pumping session to show all of you just how much I get.  First I have a few minutes to type a bit before I start my pumping so I wanted to let all of you know about how things are going thus far.

My brain is fried.

I wake up with a headache.

I'm up to all hours of the night with Little E.  She is worth it.  I'm trying to read to her, read another book for myself of which I'll post a blog entry on later this month for my book club, catch up on the computer and twice a month do the billing I used to do.  Eventually I'll open up my Etsy shop again, however, I can't see that happening until early next year.

Right now I'm lucky if I can finish my cup of milkmaid tea in just one reheating of it.  Oh wait that isn't going to happen again today.  But it is all worth it and I will get used to lukewarm tea, very little nutritious food since it is grab and go at this point, and hopefully one shower a week.  I can deal with going around in work out clothes in the house and uncombed hair.  The fingernails are horrid with ragged cuticles.  Again I say it is all worth it.  I did plenty of sacrificing to get this baby and I'm willing to give up more.  I just need to simplify my life.  Little E's colic is just a stage along with her day/night confusion.  It will pass.

Okay I've finished pumping.  I pump for 15 minutes and this is all I ever get:
Now can you see why I'm frustrated?  I take the fenugreek capsules 2 at a time 3 times a day as prescribed by my physician.  I drink the milkmaid tea.  I eat more than 2 of the lactation cookies a day, heck sometimes 4 of them a day or more and I wonder why I've gained weight back.

Folks if my doctor decides that the domperidone isn't going to help me I'm done.  I won't beat my boobs up any longer trying to produce milk.  I pump enough each day that the nipple hurt.  I would post a photo of my nipples for all of you but I'm not going to flash my ta-tas to the world like it was Mardi Gras.  You'll just have to take my word for it that my nipples are too big to nurse my baby, the areolas won't fit in her mouth with the big nipples and the nipples love to go flat quickly.


  1. Your persistence and dedication to the whole process is admirable. Many more women have thrown in the towel for much much less. I hope that whenever you decide to move on from pumping/breastfeeding, tomorrow or in 2 years, that more than anything else you feel damn proud.

  2. When I had my second child she struggled to latch, didn't gain weight, my milk supply was awful and she lost a lot if weight. She was 7lb 13ou when born and at 2 1/2 weeks was 6pd 8ou. She cried all the time, had shocking wind pains and bright yellow poo. Turns out she was lactose intolerant and my milk was making her sick. After breastfeeding my first child for a year it was a real kick in the guts. However, I put her in formula, she thrived and she is a healthy 10yr old. Sometimes our bodies just don't do what nature apparently intended us to do. Your body went through a huge amount of stress, is still recovering and you have a baby to care for as well. Your body will be trying to heal itself and your milk supply will be the least of its worries. I think you have done amazing to preserve as you have done.

  3. only things I can recommend (that I can't tell if you're already doing...) is LOTS AND LOTS of water, and my mom always told me eat healthy and well while nursing... (though I mostly noticed if I didn't drink a ton of water during the day my pump out-put would decrease...)
    I stressed for months over dwindling pump-supply, don't beat yourself up over it!

  4. Ugh...that is frustrating given you rre doing the fenugreek, tea and cookies :-( I remember the rewarming of tea and the lack of nutrition. Heck, I can barely eat even now running behind a toddler - fun times ;-)

  5. I'm sorry that breastfeeding/pumping isn't working out. You've given it your all. Remember that the most important thing is that your baby is growing and thriving. Whether that is through formula or breastmilk isn't what is important.

    I know moving away from breastfeeding is hard. I struggle with it even now that we are at the end of the road. Be kind to yourself. And may E's colic clear soon.

  6. Hugs friend! I'm sorry this has been so tough.

  7. Wow, that is really not a lot. Good luck with the breastfeeding and I hope colic passes quickly! It's the worst!

  8. Sorry, I know that is incredibly frustrating :( I was making more than that with V, but it still wasn't as much as he needed and when I eventually said, "Enough is enough," it was a huge relief for me. You are doing the absolute best you can, and that is amazing the level of dedication you have. Whatever you decide to do, remember that. (hugs) If they say the Dom is okay or you decide to try it, I hope it helps. If not, that's okay too!

  9. I was on Domperidone for months and it really worked well. I was on the maximum dose, 4 pills 4x daily. Yes, that's right, 16 pills a day. But I got lots of milk. If you don't go that route, I think it's safe to say you have given it your best shot and it is time to move on. Feeding your daughter is the important thing, whether it is with breastmilk or formula she will be ok, and she is very loved and well cared for either way.

  10. I breastfed my two biological children for ten months each. My daughter that i adopted did very well on formula, isomil if I recall correctly. My sense is that the most critical aspect of passing on immunities from colostrum is something that you've achieved. At this point I believe it's more important for your daughter to have a more rested and less stressed mom. Your baby is doing well and that's what really matters. I'd go with formula from now on.


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