No Matter How Faint...

a line is a line.

Most likely this is a chemical pregnancy.

Terrible photo with glare I know.  Hard to see faint second line in this photo unless you squint but the line is there and J saw it too with ease.

Started back on progesterone and if this sticks I hope the spotting which started on 12 dpo stops.  Not enough for a pad but I'm wearing one just in case.

I'll test again tomorrow and find out if the RE nurse got my message today on Monday.  If she did I'll go in for the beta and see about scheduling the tests I need if it is a chemical.

Nothing else to say because there just isn't anything to say at this point.

Positive Out Look

J and I are trying to keep a positive out look for this particular IVF cycle.  Its quite possible that when they do the egg retrieval I might get five good eggs or none at all.

This morning I had to take a pregnancy test.  Why?  Well for those of you that don't know its because of the trigger shot.

The shot I had to take at exactly 2000hrs last night was HCG (human Chorionic Gonadotropin) which is found in pregnant female mammals.  I'm not sure if its found in non-mammals or not.  Well okay in order to get the egg retrieval done tomorrow my pregnancy test has to show positive. 

And there it was this morning at 0458 hrs.  I was pregnant according to the digital test.  But I'm not actually.  Its just the shot.  Of course I called J into the bathroom to show him the test result.  I told him it might be the only time we see a positive home pregnancy test.  When I was pregnant with the twins 15 years ago my HPT never showed positive.    I've never actually had a positive home test either.  Weird but my body is like that or perhaps the tests were never that sensitive all those years ago.

See I'm not supposed to take another home pregnancy test (HPT) during this IVF cycle. No I'm supposed to just go for a blood test 14 days after the egg retrieval, not 14 days after the embryo transfer.    The 3rd of November, if all goes well I'll be getting some blood work done.

I'm nervous, I'm worried, I'm excited, hell I'm scared.  I'm trying to stay positive.  All I need is one good egg.  That super hero of all eggs that will work its seductive magic on one sperm and create us a happy, healthy embryo that is willing to attach to my uterine lining. 

I just want to get through the egg retrieval with good news.  Then of course I want to get through the embryo transfer on Saturday with good news.  I hope my body doesn't betray me now.  Seems as though I had plenty of follicles earlier but they all decided to play "you go first" and not develop together like they were afraid of the outcome.  So now my odds of a good quality egg in the bunch has diminished.  But I'm still hoping against all odds that it works for us.

Keep us in your thoughts please.  Thanks.

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia

Well I'm exhausted.  I think the only reason I'm now getting out of bed is to write the daily blog.  Unfortunately my viewings have gone down to just one daily for the past two days.  Maybe I should just throw in the towel on my blog too and stay in bed.  No self pity here is there?

I've been dealing with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia for about fifteen years now, or at least I was diagnosed fifteen years ago.  I want it all to just go away.  Yes, I realize there is no cure, there are only prescriptions that rarely work for me.  Right now with also trying to conceive a child I can't take the fibromyalgia medicines.

Being a research junkie, when I'm alert enough, I've been researching Fibromyalgia and Pregnancy.  I've read some testimonials of women who have the disease and how they've survived their pregnancy.  Its not going to be easy but I just keep telling myself that the reward of having a child will be worth all the discomfort I'll have to go through for forty weeks.  Its not like I can just read about a normal pregnancy on whattoexpect.com and say okay I can do this or this or that and I'll be just fine. 

What I needed before trying to conceive was a good network of doctors of which I obviously do not have.  Tricare does what it can but it is so overloaded now with special needs children, wounded warriors, and veterans that getting to see a specialist is extremely hard.  I've been at this particular installation for two years.  I've had my EFMP assessment and been told that I need to see specialists but when I broach the subject with my PA or PCM I get told that I don't need to see them.  Okay so how am I to get better?  I realize there is no getting better but there is a way to help lesson a few of the symptoms.  Hey doc how about prescribing me physical therapy, massage and acupuncture since I'm not able to take the drugs you'd like to prescribe to me?

I've also been researching the effects of hypertension on pregnancy.  I'll be going into a pregnancy with high blood pressure.  I take my medicine two times a day but my blood pressure is still hovering around the 140/86 mark.  I'll probably end up on bed rest at some point in the pregnancy, if I can get pregnant at all with high blood pressure.  I'll be high risk for Preeclampsia or so I've been warned by the OB/GYN.  I've been gathering up projects that I can do in bed to keep my mind occupied when I'm actually awake.  I'm prepared mentally now if only my body would agree.

I'm rather disappointed in myself today.  I caved-in this morning and took a home pregnancy test.  I'm supposed to wait until Thursday and get tested at Madigan Army Community Hospital.  I also didn't use the first morning urine.  I'm barely awake when I shuffle off to the bathroom every few hours.  Oh yes having fibromyalgia means I pee a lot more than most folks even when I cut back on my water.  So the test showed negative.  I've been thinking its just PMS symptoms.  Clomid makes my PMS worse.

I informed my husband of my failure to produce a child yet again.  Sure there is still hope that I might indeed be pregnant but its slim.  If my blood pressure stays high its not going to happen.  My high blood pressure is not weight related as I weighed more in my twenties than I do now and I found old records showing my blood pressure was 101/58 when I was 29!  I hit mid thirties and my blood pressure decided to follow my genetics and go high.  I miss the days of being able to eat anything salty I wanted.  But now I can't eat salty foods.  Now I have to show my body more respect so that I can grow a child.  Maybe next cycle I'll be able to conceive the much wanted and already loved child.

Hormonal

I think I need this t-shirt.

Okay last night I flipped out on my spouse and got angry just because he was hogging the covers.  I can't take the hormone over load.  This is just one more thing I hate about taking clomid.  There are so very many side effects from the extra horomones that I doubt I'll know if I'm pregnant or not until I get blood work.

I'm grouchy, my skin is drying out and cracking, I'm feeling bloated but yet I got on the scale this morning and have lost 3.6 pounds since Friday, I'm hungry and eat way too much,  I pee way too much for someone that has ditched their hctz/triam, and I think I'm coming down with yet another cold.  I'm sneezing, coughing, and blowing my nose to no end.

I'd like to have a do-over of the extreme.  I want my life back free from the synthetic hormones.  So to anyone that lives near me or is my family this is your warning that I'm very emotional right now.  I can only hope that the pregnancy test I take next week on the 27th will be positive as I can't take much more of these hormones they are giving me.

So folks I'm sorry if I'm acting crazy, cranky, crying and back to crabby the next minute.  Just bear with me.  I don't like it either.