Monday, July 16, 2012

Finding Support At Home

J and I had a long talk over the weekend.  He hasn't been all that supportive.  He didn't help out much during my convalescent time after surgery.  The problem has gotten out of hand. 

Ever since he got home from Iraq he has had expectations.  He expects family to do his bidding.  Time for a reality check.

I did buy him a lap tray yesterday.  Its only for the first 2 days after his surgery.  He didn't wait on me and I got up and around quicker, healed quicker  too because I didn't sit/lay there and do all that self pity.  J likes that pity party.  He was practically told by family to get over it yesterday.  Its just a routine surgery after all.

I'm in pain and there is no way in heck I can do everything for him.  I'll do my best to help him but I'm not able to lift furniture or haul in to the bedroom a tv set just so he can lay there all day.  No one did that for me and I didn't expect any one to do that either.  Okay so he hasn't asked for that but he would if he could. 

All I got was one day use of his laptop before he got miffed and took it away.  If I wanted access to tv or internet I had to get up and go to another room.  NO ONE waited on me.  I had tv dinners that I cooked.  If I needed medicine I had to get up and get it myself and the water to wash it down.  You'll recall I also walked home from the surgery same day, didn't have to and I didn't fully explain why but after reading this you'll probably get an inkling as to why.

Okay so yes I did glossy coat J being kind to me while I was hurting.  He isn't the type to go out of his way to help me out but he didn't exactly get in my way either.  He didn't take time off from work to help me except for the 24 hours that were ordered to him to take off.  No I won't treat him the same way he treated me. I will help him to the best of my ability.  He wasn't mean to me but he wasn't a helpful hannah either.

He has had way too much coddling since birth.  Time to grow up a bit.  I'll make sure that he has food, water, warmth, me to be there if something should go wrong and I'll make sure he follows the doctor's orders too.  But I'm not making expectations like he had of me.  I had my surgery on a Wednesday and by Friday I was doing the laundry again.  I won't be asking him to do the same you can bet.  However he will have to haul his butt up and move around as I don't want him getting stiff muscles.  The surgery is extraperitineal which means they aren't going as deep into the pelvic area like they did for mine and he should recover quicker.

Fingers crossed that all goes well tomorrow.  I'm going to stand firm.  He has to be a man about this.  He has to remember that I love the man not the child as babies aren't allowed to marry.  He finally admits to being a mama's boy.

Tough love time.  Its the only way he is going to get over this and get better.  It might kill me to not baby him too.  Since I don't have a child or pet all that love longing has to go somewhere and showering it on him is just making it worse.


  1. Wishing you all the best with the upcoming conversation. I hate having those (either giving or receiving), so I hope for a fast resolution and a peaceful ending.

  2. I do remember what a hard time you had after surgery and no help. I know you will help J as much as you can and hopefully he heals quickly and can understand in some sense what you went through.

  3. : ( Hate the double standard...

  4. Good luck on dealing with him, and best wishes on the surgery.


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