Ready Player One drawing will be held on Monday, June 18th. Don't forget to leave a comment on that particular blog page if you want to be entered in the contest to win a free copy of the book. If you are the lucky winner I'll need your contact information within a day of the drawing so that I can notify the publisher where to send your copy of the book.
I have no ambition and no energy today. I'm depressed. Why? Well I can't have a baby. Every one around me seems to be giving birth. Even the other day it was announced on fb that a couple gave birth and the picture was posted. Their name was just one letter off from my last name and the soldier's rank was the same. I guess it really gets to me because if IVF #1 had worked I'd be in the home stretch right now, not recovering from a laparoscopic surgery.
I'm still fat. Since January and with this surgery, though I've lost about half of what I gained from the IV bag I'm still at +16 pounds for the year. I hate my body and it hates me.
I was going to color my hair today but I'm tired. I'm not sleeping well and the pain killers aren't working on the pain. I take them only at bedtime now. I'm actually a bit afraid of what they'll find when they do the ultrasound next week Thursday for the two week check up. I don't hurt near the incisions but more in the uterus area and it feels like something was left hanging since it bobs a bit inside of me. No clue what it could be and I'll just have to wait and see. The pain gets worse at night and of late has become bilateral.
J is upset at all the babies and bellies he is subjected to seeing. Its getting to him. He came home in a fowl mood last night from the commissary. We discussed the "why". As of today I have exactly enough to do the frozen donor eggs but I have to wait. I'd like to try a few more rounds with my own while we do a "wait and see" if he'll be able to stay in the Army. I told him last night that if we went through with the donor eggs right off what would happen if he couldn't stay in? And the fact that if our kid needed medical for a disability we would no longer be covered. Its rather scary but I'm being quite adult about this whole thing. I'm scared that we won't have that money to fall back on and it just doesn't sit right with me.