I swear it was a losing battle this past weekend at the retreat. Each meal that J and had to attend we were at different assigned tables. I guess it was to keep the conversation lively. There were of course a list of questions that we had to ask everyone at the table. Two sheets of questions per table. But you know how people stray from the questions they should be asking and get rather nosey.
At every meal J and I were asked, "do you have any children?".
My answer was one of the following:
1) none living
2) several miscarriages
3) I'm in fertile
4) I have endometriosis
5) we are still trying
The responses I would get from others at the tables ranged from sympathy to stupidity. One gal named Julie has PCOS so she did understand the struggle to conceive.
One couple, Sandra and Jeffrey, at my table married at 19/20 and have five children. Their response was that I just need to pray to God and he'll give me a child. Mind you I remember something in the Bible about "God helps those that help themselves" (Acts 17:11) and I'm doing all I can with prayer and doctors to help God in giving me a child.
At the end of my dialogue with them explaining that it isn't that easy I got hit with the "why don't you just adopt". I so wanted to say to them why didn't you? But instead I told them that we have given thought to that and if what we are going through right now doesn't work that the next place we move to we'll start the process. Most likely foster to adopt and I explained how parents don't mind putting their children into the foster care system but they don't like making them available for adoption which leaves not many children out there to be adopted.
I also explained to this ignorant couple that adoption isn't free or cheap. Adoption takes a long time too. My parents were the exception when they adopted my brother 44 years ago from Catholic Charities. Things were truly easier back in the 1960's when it came to adoption.
I think that the worst part of it was when the husband of Sandra, Jeffrey, the couple that wed when they were 19/20, said to me that I just need to relax. I swallowed my bile and vented when my husband and I got back to our room. I had to leave our meal early. I couldn't stand to be around such ignorant people for any longer or else I would have made a scene.
So my infertile friends, I tried to educate the public. God commanded that we go forth and multiply (Genesis 9:7) and He didn't state how we went about it did he? I did what I could given the fact that I was at a religious retreat, this one sponsored by the Roman Catholic church. The very church that doesn't believe in abortion, birth control or infertility treatments. Is it any wonder I couldn't get my message across?
I think that if a person is fertile they should and could be a bit more sensitive when they ask a question about children. They could be a bit more open-minded and realize that not everyone can just fall on a penis and get pregnant.