Reading Is Pure Bliss For Me

Today, as I'm working my way through another book for my book club of which I will write a review of around the 23rd of May I realized just how many books I've read since the beginning of the year.  Sixteen books, and not all for the book club either.  Most of the reads have been selected by me from my ever growing stack of books that I pick up used and put into my want to read pile.

On Monday I have a review for a book due that I finished last month.  I think that many in the infertile community will appreciate one of the themes in the book since its directly related to us.  But I'll leave that for Monday's post.

Reading is my way to escape from the world and its stresses.  For me curling up with a book to read is pure bliss and it envelopes my "me time".

So without further ado here is my list of books I've read thus far:

Quiet; The Power of Introverts in a World that can't stop talking  by Susan Cain  (book club)

The Inheritor by Marion Zimmer Bradley

Witchlight by Marion Zimmer Bradley

The House Between The Worlds by Marion Zimmer Bradley

Confessions of an Ugly Step Sister by Gregory McGuire

The Awakening by Kate Chopin

The Art of Hearing Heartbeats by Jan Philipp Sendker  (book club)

Signs of Life by Natalie Taylor  (book club)

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver  (book club)

Up by Patricia Ellis Herr (book club)

A Prayer For Owen Meany by John Irving

I Am Forbidden by Anouk Markovits (book club will be posted 7 May)

The Time Traveler's Wife  by  Audrey Niffenegger

The Girl With A Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier

The Prince and the Pauper by Mark Twain

Julia's Child by Sarah Pinneo  (currently reading and half way done...for book club)

I think that perhaps the only reason why I was able to read 16 book since just this year is that I have no children to occupy my time.  I would gladly give up the majority of my reading time to spend it with a child of mine.  If only I had child....

Taking Joy In Someone's Pain

Yup that's me right now.  I'm as angry as a bear that had something taken from it.

I'm having a double dose of reality.  I don't want to fully disclose everything and I certainly won't name names here but I can tell you that people are really disappointing me.

Some of you that follow my blog closely know that I don't have a good relationship with my parents.  Its true they aren't my favorite people nor the parents I always wanted and they are the source of my borderline personality disorder.

But when I need to verify facts within the family I still need to call them.  A cousin of mine, I grew up next door to her mom, recently lost her grandfather and her father within a few days of each other.  I called my parents to verify the facts.  I used to do genealogy and I should probably update my files now.

I'm pissed because my own father thought it was funny.  Yes, he was laughing at the posting about the deaths.  He'd probably now deny it to save face and Mom would back him up.  He's known for at least a day.  I told my mom that Dad is one sick son of a bitch and he'd better watch his karma for his reactions to these deaths.  His health isn't all that good.  He shouldn't be laughing at the demise of others.  Really he should be making amends like the good Roman Catholic he was brought up to be.  Wait a minute, is there really such a thing?  I think my father is perhaps on the other end of the scale there and he cultivates anger in others.

I know, I know, honor thy father and mother.  But when does that apply?  When they go too far they need to be reminded to not be so harsh about the feelings of other.

All I can say is for the sake of the grown children left behind, who are now fatherless, you'd think that my father, their uncle, would be offering condolences.

Oh and if any of my family is reading this, well seriously what you put out there comes back to haunt you.  You know quite well how I feel about your response with this matter.  I've told you on the phone too.

Yes, I've known other people that are just as twisted to find joy in the sorrow of others.  Yes there are plenty of them out there on Earth.  Those that take joy in the loss of someone's pregnancy, their loss of their home, or hard earned wealth.  I find it disgusting to say the least when someone takes joy in the pain of others.

20 Kids

I'm sorry but somehow I just find this a bit wrong.  Okay sure I'm jealous of the woman's ability to still produce viable eggs at the age of 45 but I'm also concerned about the reasons why they are still even trying.

First off they already have 19 children.  How can they possibly afford to feed the ones still living at home.  Please note that I don't watch this show and never have but that I just saw the headlines on Yahoo this morning.

Second how can it possibly be good for Michelle's body to even be trying for number 20 at the age of 45 and with past complications with the last one?  I'm 42 and I wouldn't even consider trying at her age.  I never thought I'd still be trying for the first one at 42 either.

I read through a few of the comments below the article and one stuck with me about hoarding.  Another about pets.  Well I wouldn't exactly call it hoarding since they aren't material possessions, they will grow up and hopefully leave the nest and they aren't animals per say, though I'm sure all of our parents have at one time referred to us as animals with the messes we make.

Its really none of my business but why is all I want to know.  Just why would they even consider having yet another child in this economy?  Its no longer cute to see huge families when you know in reality they have the same issues as a small family would just multiplied.  Remember though, television only allows us to see what they want us to see.

The only large family I tend to cheer on these days would be the Brown Family.  At least there are 5 adults raising all those kids.  5 potential incomes.  5 parents all helping one another when problems arise.  20 children and 2 parents is just a mess.

You've Got To Have Faith

Now its time for me to make some decisions before I create a baby with my husband.  I realize that we've yet to even get my husband home to create said baby but its still nice to think ahead, to plan if you will.

Many of my friends who follow one path raise their children in another and find that it cause conflict at home.  My husband was raised in a different faith than that of mine.  I was raised Roman Catholic.  No longer do I follow that path.

Perhaps it can be blamed on college, being a rebellious teen, or in general just being dissatisfied with the Catholic church's strict views of women.  To them we were the sinners and are to blame for the downfall of men.  Okay, sure.

I chose to become a Unitarian.  I believe in many different religions.  I chose to incorporate them into my own practice.  Some call me a Wiccan others a Pagan but I feel that my religion is more than that.  Its far from being organized.  Its personal and with it being personal I can't really put a label on it except for the label of Unitarian.

So when my husband gets back home we are going to begin a discussion on what faith to raise our child in.  I know his mom would probably prefer the religion that she knows and brought up her two sons in.  My dad would prefer the religion that he brought us up in.  My mom, well she would also lean towards Christianity because she is all about the ceremonies from birth through death, but she would understand my choice as long as she gets to make the christening gown.  I hate to tell her there might not be the "christening" gown but she can call it what she wants and still make one but we get to chose what ceremony its used in.

For my friends out there that are of differing faiths from your spouse and now have children or plan to have children which path did you chose for your offspring?

Money Makes Madness

Ever notice that money issues make people cranky?

I've known of more than one couple, J and I included in the distant past, who have had arguments over the bills.  I've known of couples that had such money troubles as to be the cause of their divorce.

Truly money is the root of all evil.  If we didn't have money though I'm sure we'd have something else used for exchange of goods and services.

More and more our government is asking for us to give up our income, savings, 401k, and other retirement programs because it cannot balance its own budget.  It wants what we have worked so hard to get.  So now our own country is going to bed hungry when it can find a bed to sleep in.

Last night I was watching the world news from two different channels.  Two times I saw a story about the poverty of America's children.  Okay we've known for quite a while that our children are suffering.   They are going without food and clothing and often without shelter too.

So why aren't we doing something about it?  Why do I see more ads for UNICEF, or Christian Children's Fund and so on where the money doesn't stay within our country but goes to other countries?

What happened to charity starts at home?

If we know we have a problem feeding, clothing, housing and getting medical for our own youth then why the heck are we farming out our tax dollars and spare change to feed other nations?

If we don't take care of our own American children we won't have a future.  A child that goes without proper nutrition won't grow in bone or brain.  We are in fact killing our progeny.

My thoughts now go to my readers.  If you were to see a child that was dirty, cold, tired, hungry, and in general going without would you stop to help out?  Or would you instead just give your money to a foreign country?

Yes, I'm angry.  I'm tired of the greedy government giving out our tax dollars to programs that don't have squat to do with our own country.

We need to rebuild America.  We need progress in the right direction.  We should get back to the basics and realize what we need and what we want then balance the needs against the wants. 

We need to take care of our own first.  No one should go to bed hungry unless they are trying to do so to lose weight.

Sorry about the rant.

Love

Its a nice warm spring day here in western Washington State and I'm in love.  Okay so I've been in love for eight years with the same guy.  Yesterday marked our eight years together as a couple.  We met at a friends' wedding in Western NY.

So today my blog post is about Love, pure and simple.  I can actually say that I love my husband more than I did eight years ago.  When I met him it was lust at first sight.  He was wearing his cowboy hat and boots with a nice suit jacket and dress pants.  His smile lit up the sky.  I couldn't see his eyes behind the dark sunglasses he wore which made me want to remove his glasses to find out the color.  I wanted to touch him.  That was my first thought.  I couldn't wait to get my hands on him.

I let the eight year mark pass without mentioning it to him.  Its just a mile stone in our journey.  We have so very much to celebrate every year with the wedding anniversary, anniversary of our handfasting, birthdays, and holidays its okay to miss that particular day.  Being an Army Wife does mean that often we aren't together on our special days.  He had some of it off anyway due to the fact that he had a late night guard shift.  To be honest I even forgot until just this morning what yesterday was indeed.  See I admit to making mistakes.

My husband is such a big part of my life.  He should be too.  But I know that other people have marriages that aren't as wonderful as mine.  We consult one another on our major purchases and most of the small ones.  We make vacation plans together not apart.  We make time for one another as a couple.  I think its the reason why, even though the fertility drugs make me cranky, our marriage will endure.  We've made it through one isolation tour, one deployment, Basic Training, AIT and a whole lot of training exercises.    Being apart so often has made us cherish the times  we do have together.  Yes, we argue but its more discussions then yelling.

I can only hope that I will get the chance to spend my rocking chair years with my husband.  If the fates align we'll have that time to grow old and yell at the kids to stay off our lawn.  LOL

We might never have children of our own but we are okay with that fact.  We discuss it every month when I find out I'm not pregnant.  Children aren't everything.  If you have them then you are lucky.  I've known of quite a few parents that wish they never had children.  Children are a choice and no one said you had to have them or raise them.  Sorry for that rant.

J, if you read this particular blog today, know that I love you.  I'll always love you till the day that death separates us and if possible even in the beyond.

Episodic Vertigo With Leg Paralysis

I'm back and up to my normal routine as of this moment however I can't say the same for the wee hours of the morning.  It was rather scary for my spouse at 0100hrs.  I had to get up to relieve myself but my head was spinning so bad I needed him to go get my cane so I could walk.  I know I didn't eat too much sodium last night but it had to be an episode of Meniere's Disease.  I lay back down and my head swam like I was drunk.  I haven't had a drink in a few months, and I rarely drink.

He comes back to the bedroom with my cane.  He helps me up to a sitting position and I try to stand.  I failed there. My legs had gone numb.  Its happened before.  I have an injured back and if the sciatic nerve is being pinched my legs go numb.  I don't want a wheel chair or a walker.  I try not to use my cane.  I do use the handicapped parking spots when needed as it hurts to walk far.

Maybe I'm crazy for wanting to still have kids but just this past month I've seen a woman with a cane and a young child.  I also saw a woman with a a walker and a young child.  It inspired me to know that if they can do it so can I.

I know that I have enough friends locally that would be willing to help me out if I was out flat for a few hours.  For now my spouse is home with me to help.  My best bet is that I just did way too much yesterday and I paid for it later.  I want to live as normal of a life as anyone my age does and can.  Sometimes I forget that I am injured and can't do what other people do so I try to do the task and end up getting hurt.  I never forget about the constant pain I'm in but I don't let it get to me.  I'm still a cheerful person, well usually.  LOL

I have to remember, when the pain gets really bad, that there are plenty of others in the world that are suffering way more than me.  I'm lucky.  I have a support system.