Learning The Hard Way

Little update.  I wrote to my friend "Jane" the "bestie" a few times over the past few days.  These were my messages to her:

On the 9th I reposted a blog post, in a message to her, she had written herself about how she wanted Abortions to stop.

Sunday:
 So are you still going through with the abortion?

Tuesday Morning:
 Are you going through with it today?

Yesterday Afternoon:
We had a good friendship while it lasted. I cannot in good conscious support this decision of yours to abort a baby "just because" it doesn't fit into your life plan right now.
I'm sorry but it just hurts me too much. I did make a generous offer to take the child off your hands and would gladly have done so.
You will just have to understand that I can no longer be your friend.
Have a good life.

I removed the "bestie" from my life and social media when she didn't respond to my messages asking if she was going through with it over the three days prior to the set date for abortion.  She posted puppy pictures on her social media instead of responding to me.

Today I get a message from her on the social media:
I didn't abort it, dear R!
We just came home from Grocery Shopping and from running other errands all day ( like getting Stuff for B's Birthday on the 17th, in 2 days )
Thank you for showing me how far your " support in no matter what " actually goes.
And one other thing: I wanted to ask if J would like to become Godfather for E once I talked it over with A... but ok.
Yes, we had a lot of Fun while it lasted.
Have a good Life too

Mind you she and her spouse have no religion and her husband doesn't believe in any god so this was most likely written to hurt me and to hurt J.  I did call my husband and he is so angry right now.  He feels hurt and betrayed by her.

So for three days she couldn't pick up the phone or message me back or even jump into her suv and drive the 2 bloody miles to my domain and tell me in person she decided to not have the abortion.  No instead I've been mentally tortured.

My response to her message:

I did ask you a few times if you were going to go ahead and abort it, Sunday and Tuesday as a matter of fact. I took your silence as the answer I dreaded most. I didn't want our friendship to end. I've been crying about this whole mess knowing that I couldn't support the decision to abort because of yes, MY feelings about not having a child. Wishing you had at least had the decency to answer my messages first. I've been sick over this whole thing. Truly sick. You couldn't have been shopping for three days.
I feel like I've been tortured.

  Her own social media page goes on to make me look like a bad friend:

Today's Happening shows how far Friendship really goes:
My ' Bestie ' just canceled our 3-year-Friendship
over something she thought I did...
but didn't do ! - Communication Fail.
Oh well... :/

 Yes this friendship is cancelled.  I will not be tortured by anyone.  This was obviously a mentally abusive relationship.  I've never had a friendship be so one sided in my life.  I was there to hold her hand when she had marriage issues.  I talked her out of having the extra-marital affair.  My husband and I babysat, unpaid, her children so that she could go out with her spouse and do things.  There is more that has gone down between us but I'm done with this.  I don't need an emotional vampire.

And now I must have time to heal.   

I have other friends and I'll cultivate those friendships.   As a mater of fact I made a new friend just yesterday that lives quite nearby.  Hopefully that friendship will grow.

The Headmaster's Wager

Ever thought that you were in complete control of you surroundings only to find out that you were the puppet?  I've been in that situation.  I've trusted other people only to find out I didn't really know them.

Friendships are forged fast in the military community.  We support one another through some of the most difficult of times imaginable.

But how much of our personal lives should we share with our friends?  In the beginning of a new friendship we want to believe without a doubt that we have good judgement in picking out our friends.  We want to trust that what we confide to our new found friend will stay between the two of us.

Friendships are often formed within the rank structure.  Supposedly a uniformed person cannot have a friendship with another member of the uniformed services two ranks above or below depending on another rule of junior enlisted, senior enlisted, junior officer or command grade and so on.  For the spouses of the uniformed personal it makes things rather sketchy when forming friendships.

In my husband's rank structure I have almost absolutely nothing to do with most of the spouses that are within that area.  I'm not a snob.  I just have my own idea of whom I'd like to be friends with.  For the most part I can't trust the wives I'm supposed to associate with.  Many are younger than I and very inexperienced.  Most have children and I do not.  And, this may really make me sound like I'm a snob, most can barely comprehend what I have to say because there is an educational gap.  Let me not forget the fact that being infertile means that I will most likely be judged by my use of science to get pregnant.

The female friends I normally attract while in waiting rooms, FRG meetings, and social gathering are not in my husband's rank range.  No I attract the women with education, age, and experience.  My life  isn't like the television show were were can just go to their house and have iced tea.  It doesn't reflect well upon the soldiers to have a General's wife and an enlisted spouse's wife being chummy.

So who can I trust?  I have tried to trust with secrets the lower enlisted women I have to choose from.  I've been stabbed in the back, exploited,  and ridiculed to my face and behind my back.  Where I once thought I had complete control of a situation and of my destiny I have found that I can't trust my feelings and secrets to just anyone.  I have to be more selective.

The people that we chose for our friends do reflect upon us.  If you chose poorly it doesn't look well for you or your spouse.  Lesson learned.

Headmaster Percivial Chen is a proud Chinese born man who runs English language school during the cusp of the Vietnam War. In his refusal to accept his adopted country's turbulent times, his gamble becomes a life changer. Join From Left to Write on November 15 as we discuss the The Headmaster's Wager. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Time Off

Me and my bestie walking down to the beach hand in hand.  Over the week I got the chance to get away for  a little bit.  J, S and her two kids with me ran away from home yesterday.  Back late last night of course because responsibilities are always there.

S is trying to find some "me" time away from being both parents while her husband is deployed.

S taking a picture of me taking a picture of her.  Always a fun shot.

Funny how I forgot how nice it is just to be free for a day.  Still in pain but I got out and got some sun.  Too much sun as now I'm burned.

I took this photo walking back up from the beach.

Sometimes its just nice to not think about being infertile for a few hours.  It nice to just not worry about being broken.

Well that's it for this blog post.  Maybe I'll post tomorrow if I can find some energy.

Four Day Weekend

I'm so happy to finally have a long weekend with my husband.  Maybe if we are lucky we'll get the chance to go horseback riding.

Our belated birthday celebration/date night, celebrated the day after he got home, was interrupted by a well meaning friend.  Since then things have been off kilter a bit with us.  Our date was going so well up until that particular point.  No means No in my book and folks need to understand that when I tell them no.  But this person was insistent.

I'm not going to mention the person's name but seriously they over stepped their bounds and it bugs me.  I've been wanting to talk to that person but I'm not sure what to say to them.  For now I guess, until I have something nice to say to them, I'll let it go.  The time J and I  had together got mucked up by the intrusion.  Its now lost.  Our time together is precious with the upcoming year which will most likely be spent apart.

I think I'll just have to take some time to reassess some friendships I have, their boundaries, and why I'm not being taken seriously when I say no.

So for now I'm really looking forward to this long weekend.  We've been needing this time together for a while.  Soon I'll be on the hormone injections and I can't say for sure what my mood will be like or what I'll be up to besides the possible temper tantrum, crying jag, or wallowing in self-pity that too many hormones can cause.

I'm still losing weight so maybe that will be my bright light in the darkness of my moods.  Maybe I can cling to the hope that I'll reduce my risk factor even a tad.  Right now I'd score a 26 for high risk pregnancy.  10 is the minimum I'd need to be considered a high risk pregnancy.  If I can just eliminate the overweight factor I can drop it by 5 points.

So much going on in my head today, my thoughts are scattered.  But yes, I'm truly looking forward to some quality time with the manflesh.

Impressions

"A good opinion once lost is lost forever" Jane Austen.  I interrupt that opinion to be an impression.  Impressions can last a lifetime.  What we say, what we do, what we wear and how we present ourselves with body language encompass what becomes the first impression that others draw from us.  How do you want others to see you?

Of late I swear I must be doing something wrong.  I get the impression that I'm on the product recall list and folks around me aren't sure how to treat me with my limitations.  Okay so I shouldn't be doing housework but I've learned that if I don't do it, like the laundry, it will just become a mountain.  So today I'm breaking down and doing laundry.  J was helping on that but of late he has decided computer gaming is more fun than housework.  I can agree there but um, I don't like to run about naked in the cold weather because I have no clean clothing.  I'm back to doing all the cooking again too.  So much for me being treated like I'm already pregnant.  If I want to eat I have to cook.

I get the impression that I'm okay to be lied to.  Bit of a touchy subject there.  I just don't like it when people lie to me.  I'm an adult and I wonder if they look at me like I'm a child that has to be lied to because of my health conditions.  Really I'd rather a person just hold their tongue than give me a lie.  I can tell when a person is lying.  I notice the body language right off.  If I'm being lied to over the phone I can also hear it quite clearly in the person's voice.I always figure out the lie and will bring you to the mats for lying to me too.  Its not a pretty sight.  If you know I'm going to have an adverse reaction to your lies then why do you tell them to me?  Seriously do you like to see me get angry and have my already high blood pressure elevate even further?

If someone wants to make a good impression on me they will put their real self forward.  I don't go for all the smoke and mirrors.  I want the real you.  A better and stronger friendship is created when a person is honest, it shows that they can be trusted.  If all you want to show me is that you want to suck up to me than we aren't going to have much of a friendship.  I won't be calling on you to be there at my parties, nor will you be invited to dinner or even to tea.

Sounds a bit harsh but truly would you want a friend that lies to you?  Would you want to be friends with someone that only wants your friendship just to get ahead in life?  If you receive my attentions and food gifts its because I find you worthy and value our friendship.

Veterans' Day With Two Soldiers

These two soldiers have known each other on three continents.  They became good friends while stationed in Korea and even deployments, through different brigades, still maintain a great friendship.

I had the honor of eating dinner out with them last night.  One of the best nights out in history was had by all three of us.  Our minds were in the gutter.  I told the waitress that one of them liked her and that he was single.  No I wasn't drinking.  We were loud, we laughed, we had fun.

Our friend stayed the night, we watched Harry Potter of all things on the television last night.  They were cool with it.  Both actually enjoy it too.  This morning the two of them were playing games on the xbox.

Our friend will be leaving the service soon but that won't stop us from staying in contact with him.  Good friends always remain close even though distance separates them.

Oh and I want his car.  lol  No seriously he just bought a 77 Cobra.  Sweet too.  Some day I'll have my dream car.

Today I'm exhausted.  My husband and I spent the morning at the Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium.  A lot of walking, stairs and ramps.  After a while the ramps became more painful than any set of stairs so I opted to take the stairs back to the parking lot after finishing the zoo.  Yes, even with cane, purse, and camera in hand I finished the zoo!

It really was a day of Peace yesterday.  Thank you to all the Veterans out there.  I owe you my undying gratitude for all your sacrifices.