12 weeks 5 days

First off I want to show you all that I finally got photos of Bugsy, taken this morning, drinking from the faucet.  After these photos will be the ultrasound update and those photos so if you don't want to read on after seeing Bugsy's photos because it hurts I'll understand.  Don't mind my messy bathroom.  I have to color my hair this weekend.

Bugsy wouldn't hold still for photo of him drinking the water that was dripping on his head when he was drinking from the basin.  But trust me he loves water!

******Now look away if you need to.
The ultrasound went surprisingly well yesterday.  The Pap hurt and I had some bleeding which is typical.

The baby had hiccups from practice breathing.  It would take a breath and have some nerve stimuli which would cause it to throw its arms up in the air and back down with a body bounce.  So cute.  The nurse and doctor were amused and a bit amazed to see it this early in a pregnancy.

Dr. Reed is okay with my weight loss since I'm eating a high protein diet and the baby is right on track for growth.  He is inclined to think that yes I'll probably end up delivering closer to my own EDC than the one that PNW came up with for me.  But babies come when they come.

Next up is the 24 hour urine test.  I have my jug and will start it on Tuesday.  Wednesday I go for the Nuchal Translucency scan and blood work after.  Some of the blood work is genetic testing and the rest is for thyroid and other things Dr. Reed put me in for that I can't remember.  Heck after seeing the ultrasound I ended up with pregnancy brain and forgot almost everything.  I almost forgot to schedule my next appointment.

I found out that I'm part of what they call Critical OB or COB.  This means I'll be having more appointments to make sure that my health is continuing to be good along with the baby's health since I have so many medical problems.

High Risk Pregnancy

Yesterday I went to the seminar for obstetrics.  My neighbor TM, who is also pregnant and about a month ahead of me, went with me.  TM had already attended this particular seminar when she was scheduled to go but thought I might like a friend to go with.  I really appreciate her being their for me.

I am no longer scheduled to be seen by a midwife next week.  Yesterday my name was called by the OB high risk nurse there and we went over my paperwork.  Yes, I do qualify for high risk given the fact that I had an MI in early 2009, have high blood pressure, liver and thyroid issue and the list goes on.

Tomorrow is my first appointment with Maternal Fetal Medicine.  I'll be seeing Dr. Reed.  Much as I am looking forward to a possible ultrasound tomorrow I am not looking forward to the Pap smear being done.  With my anteverted uterus the Pap is never comfortable and actually quite painful.  Last year in January was my last Pap so there  is no getting out of it tomorrow.

TM and I went to the Xchange and Commissary after lunch.  I developed a migraine in the grocery check out and on the way home drove through a stop sign, luckily no one was coming and it wasn't a busy area.  I almost drove through a red light too.  I'm blaming the smog we are having and due to continue to have until sometime Sunday for the onset of the migraine.  My head is so stuffy and hurts, mind you that is with me staying indoors.

I didn't imbibe enough water yesterday with my busy schedule and managed to bloat up 0.8 pounds overnight.  My fingers are fat and hurt to bend.  I hate bloat.  Today I'm pushing extra fluids to remove the salts from my system.

Fingers crossed that tomorrow's ultrasound shows that there is still a growing healthy baby in my womb.  Will my paranoia ever end?  Probably not.

High Risk Demands

As you can see by the photo I'm cranky today.  Its not just because of the pain I'm in.  Its not just because I started bleeding last night and I shouldn't be as of yet.  Its because someone just decided part of my life isn't that important to warrant the writing of a letter.

I had my appointment this morning with Maternal Fetal Medicine to evaluate my risk during pregnancy if the IVF results in a pregnancy.

I ran into a few snags.  First in March of 2009 I went to ER because I felt really odd.  Turned out that I had had a heart attack but they couldn't determine exactly when.  They gave me all the necessary treatments I would need but oh wait they lost the documentation on it.  GRRRR!!!  Thankfully my spouse was my witness and can testify to the fact that they stated I did have one.  It does help when I have to go appointments like I did today where they don't believe me.  Thanks Madigan for losing those records!

Yes, I do have the back ups from testing to show episodes of tachycardia from the holter monitor.  Most strenuous thing I did while wearing it was vacuum.  That shouldn't have made it go that high either.

Okay back to my major complaint.  I'm high risk with or without the heart condition.  That much was determined this morning by Dr. M.  However,  Dr. M. is refusing to write a letter stating as such that I will be high risk if the IVF cycle proves fruitful.  He said its not within his power to write such a letter.  My husband said, "actually it is.".  Dr. M. didn't like being caught on that one.  J's commander has asked for medical evidence to back up this issue that might arise.  The commander only wants a letter stating what the risk could be.  Its not that much to ask for.  But again I got refused.

Yes yet another doctor stated he wouldn't write it.  As a matter of fact he didn't care.  He stated that I would have to call the American Red Cross if I got pregnant and was put on bed rest.  Well if J deploys I still need letters from my doctors as to what is to be expected for that Family Care Plan in the event of such an emergency.

I hate getting the brush off.  Its not like I'm asking to keep him home if I'm not going to be pregnant.  I am just asking for a bloody paper stating what the risks are.  Is that too much?  I think not.

With the high blood pressure I have before pregnancy I was told today that I have a 50-50 chance of developing preclampsia, eclampsia, abrupto placenta, placenta previa.  Add in the cardiac issues and the doctor is telling me that basically I need to rethink the idea of even conceiving if indeed I do have those issues as it would be too much strain on my body. He's a guy, he can have kids.  If he were a she and wanted to have children but was infertile I think the doctor would then understand that I am indeed willing to die for it.

He then ends the discussion by telling J and I that we need to go back to REI and tell them that they can write the letter.  I tell Dr. M., again, that they were the ones that sent me to him to begin with because they said they couldn't write the letter.

So now I'll call REI and tell them what he said and start this mess all over again.

I'm so glad tomorrow is my wedding anniversary.  We need a day out of town.

****Update.  Just spoke with REI.  They said, "Its the Army, we can't help you." in response to my request for the letter.  If it was a definite thing that I was already pregnant they could possibly do something for me if they determined I was high risk.  But since its preliminary they can't help us.  However, they are deciding if they want to cancel my IVF cycle now that they realize that I have a cardiac factor.  Great, I try to help out and I get things more screwed up.  I have to learn to just keep my mouth shut.

Four Day Weekend

I'm so happy to finally have a long weekend with my husband.  Maybe if we are lucky we'll get the chance to go horseback riding.

Our belated birthday celebration/date night, celebrated the day after he got home, was interrupted by a well meaning friend.  Since then things have been off kilter a bit with us.  Our date was going so well up until that particular point.  No means No in my book and folks need to understand that when I tell them no.  But this person was insistent.

I'm not going to mention the person's name but seriously they over stepped their bounds and it bugs me.  I've been wanting to talk to that person but I'm not sure what to say to them.  For now I guess, until I have something nice to say to them, I'll let it go.  The time J and I  had together got mucked up by the intrusion.  Its now lost.  Our time together is precious with the upcoming year which will most likely be spent apart.

I think I'll just have to take some time to reassess some friendships I have, their boundaries, and why I'm not being taken seriously when I say no.

So for now I'm really looking forward to this long weekend.  We've been needing this time together for a while.  Soon I'll be on the hormone injections and I can't say for sure what my mood will be like or what I'll be up to besides the possible temper tantrum, crying jag, or wallowing in self-pity that too many hormones can cause.

I'm still losing weight so maybe that will be my bright light in the darkness of my moods.  Maybe I can cling to the hope that I'll reduce my risk factor even a tad.  Right now I'd score a 26 for high risk pregnancy.  10 is the minimum I'd need to be considered a high risk pregnancy.  If I can just eliminate the overweight factor I can drop it by 5 points.

So much going on in my head today, my thoughts are scattered.  But yes, I'm truly looking forward to some quality time with the manflesh.

Waiting For Some Good News

I've already had some bad news this morning so now I'm waiting for some good news.  I'd blog about the bad news when I'm allowed to talk about it.

Oh  good one of my doctor's just called me back.  Still I'm waiting but I have some good news to share now.  I've made it to the October IVF list.  YAY!

Now I just have to get put on birth control, take a five hour class and have a saline sonogram.  Oh joy!

I just had to ask the doctor why I'd be put on birth control if we are trying to get me pregnant.  She explained the best she could then said I'll find out more in the five hour class.  Since I get a lot of cysts the birth control will help quiet down my ovaries until they start injecting me with the hormones.

Yes this is going to be quite a long process of me getting poked, prodded, and needle stuck.  But that's just fine and dandy with me as long as the end result is a healthy baby.

My husband is already worried about me and can't believe the extremes I'd go through just to produce a child.  I guess he'll never understand since he gets the easy part.  Well the easy part isn't so easy because he won't get to share in the joy of the hormone changes and feeling the baby move.  Now I'm jumping ahead too far.

It might not work at all.  I might not be able to carry a child.  Age does affect everything.  Even if I do get pregnant it might not stay around to full term.

I'm high risk and I'm trying to do the impossible or so it seems at my age. 

I've got two more months to lose some weight and I'm trying hard.  Obesity is just one of the risk factors I have.  In the past 5 days since J left I've managed to lose 3 pounds.  Nothing to sneeze at I think.  I've got about 60 more to go.

We'll see where this journey takes me now.