Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Learning The Hard Way

Little update.  I wrote to my friend "Jane" the "bestie" a few times over the past few days.  These were my messages to her:

On the 9th I reposted a blog post, in a message to her, she had written herself about how she wanted Abortions to stop.

Sunday:
 So are you still going through with the abortion?

Tuesday Morning:
 Are you going through with it today?

Yesterday Afternoon:
We had a good friendship while it lasted. I cannot in good conscious support this decision of yours to abort a baby "just because" it doesn't fit into your life plan right now.
I'm sorry but it just hurts me too much. I did make a generous offer to take the child off your hands and would gladly have done so.
You will just have to understand that I can no longer be your friend.
Have a good life.

I removed the "bestie" from my life and social media when she didn't respond to my messages asking if she was going through with it over the three days prior to the set date for abortion.  She posted puppy pictures on her social media instead of responding to me.

Today I get a message from her on the social media:
I didn't abort it, dear R!
We just came home from Grocery Shopping and from running other errands all day ( like getting Stuff for B's Birthday on the 17th, in 2 days )

Thank you for showing me how far your " support in no matter what " actually goes.
And one other thing: I wanted to ask if J would like to become Godfather for E once I talked it over with A... but ok.
Yes, we had a lot of Fun while it lasted.

Have a good Life too

Mind you she and her spouse have no religion and her husband doesn't believe in any god so this was most likely written to hurt me and to hurt J.  I did call my husband and he is so angry right now.  He feels hurt and betrayed by her.

So for three days she couldn't pick up the phone or message me back or even jump into her suv and drive the 2 bloody miles to my domain and tell me in person she decided to not have the abortion.  No instead I've been mentally tortured.

My response to her message:
I did ask you a few times if you were going to go ahead and abort it, Sunday and Tuesday as a matter of fact. I took your silence as the answer I dreaded most. I didn't want our friendship to end. I've been crying about this whole mess knowing that I couldn't support the decision to abort because of yes, MY feelings about not having a child. Wishing you had at least had the decency to answer my messages first. I've been sick over this whole thing. Truly sick. You couldn't have been shopping for three days.
I feel like I've been tortured.

  Her own social media page goes on to make me look like a bad friend:


16 comments:

  1. I think you made the right decision by leaving this unhealthy friendship. I would go as far to say that this woman has serious mental health issues and should consider seeing someone.

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    1. I've actually tried to persuade her to get help a few times. She'll make sure, since it is court ordered, that her oldest child gets help but she doesn't get any for herself or her youngest child.

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  2. What a bitch! Sorry, but I have no nicer word for her. I'm so sorry, Rebecca. But you're most likely better off without her!

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    1. Just talked to another friend of mine that just got back in the country. She knew her too. Knew as in the sense she too removed her from her friendship.

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  3. I'm with Toni. Even if she is keeping this baby, she's not healthy. I know it hurts to break-up with friends, so take the time you need to heal.

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    1. Thanks Cristy. J and I will be doing just that. It will be hard to trust someone for a while.

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  4. Geesh! I know it's hard when you have to break off a friendship, but it really sounds like it was for the best. She has issues, and sounds like a horrible friend anyway. Still, I do know it's hard and it will take a long time to heal (*hugs*)

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    1. It is hard considering she has been messaging me today besides what I put in this post. I feel like I did wrong but I know I didn't. All this summer when I was on bedrest she didn't even call me to find out how I was doing. A true friend would at least call.

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  5. I couldn't believe it with my bestie broke up with me during my first pregnancy because I wasn't "happy enough" and she thought I shouldn't be a mother. Once out of the friendship, it was like when you wake up after being in a cult and you realize just how toxic the friendship had been all along.

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    1. Alex why do we attract toxic people. I swear there must be something wrong with me to have someone use me so badly. I didn't go into the half of it on here. I have been talking with a fellow infertile blogger about this situation for months. I'm such a doormat.

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  6. I'm sorry you had to go through that. It would be such a hard thing to swallow as an infertile. And then to have your best friend just ignore your messages knowing how you felt.
    I have had to cut a friend or two from my life before and it sucks. But you can't keep unhealthy, one sided friendships. It sounds like you are better off nurturing the healthy ones.

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    1. I'm going to stick to my guns on ditching this particular friendship. The more I look back on it the more I realize how badly I was used.

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  7. We do it because most people present themselves as being awesome and when we first meet them, we only hear their version of how they are. It all seems to make sense when you ear their perspective on things. It's only after a pattern emerges when you start to wonder "hmmmm, now that I think about it, this is the person who told me they were awesome and their behavior makes sense. Maybe those things aren't so true after all." I'm starting to think that the world is populated primarily by toxic people and there are only a few gems out there worth spending your time with.

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    Replies
    1. She is such a liar. Her social media profile says it all too with how many lies she has up on it.

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  8. This just sucks! I can't believe how she twisted everything. You are better off not having to be friends with her as she goes through this pregnancy and birth, knowing that you offered to adopt the baby and having to be supportive of this woman would just be unbelievably painful. She obviously doesn't "get it" and never will. You need a friend who knows what you are going through and is supportive of you when you're hurting, not someone who hurts you more. I'm sorry that you are going through this :(

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    Replies
    1. I'm feeling a dark cloud lift already not having her in my life.

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