Tuesday, November 13, 2012

The Headmaster's Wager

Ever thought that you were in complete control of you surroundings only to find out that you were the puppet?  I've been in that situation.  I've trusted other people only to find out I didn't really know them.

Friendships are forged fast in the military community.  We support one another through some of the most difficult of times imaginable.

But how much of our personal lives should we share with our friends?  In the beginning of a new friendship we want to believe without a doubt that we have good judgement in picking out our friends.  We want to trust that what we confide to our new found friend will stay between the two of us.

Friendships are often formed within the rank structure.  Supposedly a uniformed person cannot have a friendship with another member of the uniformed services two ranks above or below depending on another rule of junior enlisted, senior enlisted, junior officer or command grade and so on.  For the spouses of the uniformed personal it makes things rather sketchy when forming friendships.

In my husband's rank structure I have almost absolutely nothing to do with most of the spouses that are within that area.  I'm not a snob.  I just have my own idea of whom I'd like to be friends with.  For the most part I can't trust the wives I'm supposed to associate with.  Many are younger than I and very inexperienced.  Most have children and I do not.  And, this may really make me sound like I'm a snob, most can barely comprehend what I have to say because there is an educational gap.  Let me not forget the fact that being infertile means that I will most likely be judged by my use of science to get pregnant.

The female friends I normally attract while in waiting rooms, FRG meetings, and social gathering are not in my husband's rank range.  No I attract the women with education, age, and experience.  My life  isn't like the television show were were can just go to their house and have iced tea.  It doesn't reflect well upon the soldiers to have a General's wife and an enlisted spouse's wife being chummy.

So who can I trust?  I have tried to trust with secrets the lower enlisted women I have to choose from.  I've been stabbed in the back, exploited,  and ridiculed to my face and behind my back.  Where I once thought I had complete control of a situation and of my destiny I have found that I can't trust my feelings and secrets to just anyone.  I have to be more selective.

The people that we chose for our friends do reflect upon us.  If you chose poorly it doesn't look well for you or your spouse.  Lesson learned.

Headmaster Percivial Chen is a proud Chinese born man who runs English language school during the cusp of the Vietnam War. In his refusal to accept his adopted country's turbulent times, his gamble becomes a life changer. Join From Left to Write on November 15 as we discuss the The Headmaster's Wager. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.






14 comments:

  1. I think, at this point in our lives, we have to be a bit selfish with who we choose to be friends with... it's just not worth the effort dealing with people we don't naturally connect with. Also, love that you're reading Vincent Lam! Bloodletting was a fantastic book, and of course you're supporting a fellow Canadian. :) (Oh, and hi -- I'm kind of new to this blogging world but have been reading you for a few months now...)

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    1. I really loved reading this book. I've now offered it to my husband for his reading pleasure.

      Welcome to the blogging world. I'm still stumbling around at times with all these new gadgets I can add on. Look forward to hearing more from you and reading your blog too.

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  2. Yes welcome to the world of blogging! You have found a great blog to read :D

    Friendships are difficult. LOL Actually I have a post about friendships army vs civi in the good ole draft folder. I think mars and mercury have aligned or something because you have been hitting the topics I have been writing on. A blogging phenominon? When women blog,...LOL idk why this post is so Adam West like.

    I would say try hard to find frineds with the same interests. If you belong to the same crafting club, for instance, the focus should be on your shared interest and not anyones rank.

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    1. Hoping that with the next move I'll find more friends with similar interests.

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  3. I'm with you. I don't have a lot of girlfriends because I don't like drama. Just hold tight to the friends you have!

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    1. I can't figure out why women like drama so much. I like being an introvert with my peace and quiet.

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  4. How terrible! Do you have friends that are not in the military sphere? I don't blame you for not wanting to be emotional available!

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    1. Some yes, but they are on the other coast.

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  5. Living with chronic, invisible illness I can totally relate to friends and even family back-stabbing you. I find most of my friends on the internet, those like me who can understand where I am coming from. Indeed, they have become real friends, giving me Christmas presents and even loaning money when I really need it. They are nicer to me than most of my family and IRL friends.

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    1. Often people forget to slow down for me. I find it annoying that they can be inconsiderate. My husband does it too and I have been known to just stop walking until he realizes that he was going too fast for me.

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  6. I think it's difficult for women to form friendships. Unless you fit into their little niche of the perfect wife, mother and hostess it's really hard. I've been divorced for 19 years and it was hard to find friends when I was a single mother. Most women my age were married and living the married life. Now most women my age have grandchilden and are all living the grandparent life. I don't have grandkids or a husband so I really don't fit in. Fortunately for me I have a wonderful sister who is also my best friend.

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    1. Happy to hear that you do have a sibling that you call a best friend. My sibling and I have a great relationship...we never call, write, or travel to see each other. His choice not mine.

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  7. A new friend and I met up for dinner a few nights ago, and we were discussing how hard it is to make new friends after a certain age. You have grown to to trust the people that became your friends early in life. I don't make new friends easily, not because I don't trust people - not sure what it is! I haven't let anyone close enough to backstab me yet, that I know of. Hang in there - good friendships may be hard to find, but once you get some, they are priceless... :)

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    1. Agreed. I try to cultivate the ones I have now.

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