Waiting For Some Good News

I've already had some bad news this morning so now I'm waiting for some good news.  I'd blog about the bad news when I'm allowed to talk about it.

Oh  good one of my doctor's just called me back.  Still I'm waiting but I have some good news to share now.  I've made it to the October IVF list.  YAY!

Now I just have to get put on birth control, take a five hour class and have a saline sonogram.  Oh joy!

I just had to ask the doctor why I'd be put on birth control if we are trying to get me pregnant.  She explained the best she could then said I'll find out more in the five hour class.  Since I get a lot of cysts the birth control will help quiet down my ovaries until they start injecting me with the hormones.

Yes this is going to be quite a long process of me getting poked, prodded, and needle stuck.  But that's just fine and dandy with me as long as the end result is a healthy baby.

My husband is already worried about me and can't believe the extremes I'd go through just to produce a child.  I guess he'll never understand since he gets the easy part.  Well the easy part isn't so easy because he won't get to share in the joy of the hormone changes and feeling the baby move.  Now I'm jumping ahead too far.

It might not work at all.  I might not be able to carry a child.  Age does affect everything.  Even if I do get pregnant it might not stay around to full term.

I'm high risk and I'm trying to do the impossible or so it seems at my age. 

I've got two more months to lose some weight and I'm trying hard.  Obesity is just one of the risk factors I have.  In the past 5 days since J left I've managed to lose 3 pounds.  Nothing to sneeze at I think.  I've got about 60 more to go.

We'll see where this journey takes me now.

My New Favorite Snack Food

I have a new favorite snack food.  I've had it only once and would love to have it again.  I'm being good while J is away and trying to lose weight but these puff corn curls are just gnawing at my mind.  I think of them when I have the urge to snack.

What's so great about?  Well let me tell you.
I'll start with the nutrition information:

110 mg of sodium per serving and only 2.5 servings in the bag.  Since I'm limited to 1000 mg of sodium per day I could in theory, and actually have, scarffed down the whole bag in one day.

160 calories per serving, just another bonus in my book.

2 grams of protein per serving.
Warning though, if you are allergic to shell fish stay away from them as the protein in these is from shell fish.  

But the down side is the fat content.  Yes its a bit fatty with 8 grams of fat per serving.  But have you ever noticed that the stuff that tastes the best always has a higher fat content?

I was able to get my one bag of these delicious cheese corn puffs at World Market before J left.  I so wanted their cheese flavored Kettle "Crack" ( I meant corn but it gives you the munchies so we call it crack and no I've never had crack but its just a guess on my part that it would give you the munchies) but I had to make a substitution for an unknown to me product and I wasn't disappointed.  Another customer had pointed them out to me and said she loved them. 


World Market probably won't carry these for long as the cheese kettle corn was only for a limited time too.  I don't go to World Market often so next time I go most likely these cheese puff will be gone too.  They aren't even on the website under snack foods so yeah they probably were a one time buy.

Sighs...Anyone in Japan want to send me some snacks?  Just kidding, nope I'm not.  I'm hooked after one bag.

Envy

Photo of my eyes, they are a dark greyed green with bits of brown.

It always seems as though there is something we each want in our lives that someone else has.  I of course want children.  Others want more freedom, time to themselves, a green lawn, more money, more friends, etc...

Today I was again reminded how my life, though filled with medical issues and the inevitable deployments, is still envied by others.

I live a simple life.  I like to keep close to home most of the time, though I'd love to go on trips but with my medical issues (fibromyalgia, asthma, meniere's disease and the list goes on) its just not that easy to jump in the car and go where ever, whenever.

I like to spend time with my friends.  I like to spend time reading a book curled up in a chair.  I like knowing that some mornings I can sleep in or stay up late without worrying about taking care of anyone but me.  But I'd be willing to change all that if I could have a child.

While I was out today I got a call from my infertility specialist.  I saw them just last week Friday.  I was told that they would only call if something was wrong with my test results.  But I'm still hoping that when I call them back on Monday it will still be good news, news that maybe I'm accepted for the October IVF mini cycle.

I'm an optimist.  I always have hope, yes even when I've been given bad news.

I have yet to share on my blog what the OB/GYN said to J and I during my well woman exam.  It was painful.  The exam is always painful.  Even though Dr.K. noticed right off that I was ovulating; I bled from the pap test.  He had a lot of difficulty with the speculum too.  Its never easy to get it positioned right for some reason.  The reason I now know the answer for;  I have what is known as a retroverted uterus.  And that isn't the only problem.

From the questions Dr. K. asked and I answered plus from what he saw and what other GYNs have said it looks like I have endometriosis too.  Well its not the first time an OB/GYN has told me that and it would explain the heavy bleeding, painful sex, and almost chronic pelvic pain I have even when I don't have the ovarian cysts.  Meh, I've lived with it this long.  I'll know more though when they cut me open, whenever that will be.

So I envy those women who are able to live "normal" lives.  I envy people that seem to have life "easy" as it were but, I can almost guarantee that no one person on this planet will think that they are normal or their life is easy.  I guess we all envy each other for something.

Resting And Relaxing

I'm tired.  More than a week of being sleep deprived has ruined my already fragile immune system.  Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome mean that I get sick easily and it takes quite a while to get better.  However, now that I'm alone I doing way more than I should.  No I can't call a respite care worker.

Why no to the respite care worker?  Well they've re-vamped the program and I no longer qualify for care.  Okay such is life.  I detest someone using me just to get a paycheck anyway.

I'm still cranky.  It took forever to fall asleep last night.  I still have dark circles under my eyes and my under eye cream is working overtime to try to lighten them.  Its failing of course.

My throat is sore, my nose is stuff, my head is stuffed and achey to the point that I had a migraine last night.  My chest is congested and I've been coughing.  Yes, I've wrecked my immune system all because I got stressed out.  Give me a week or two and I'll feel better.  Good thing I've got groceries and stamps on hand.  Stamps so that I can write to my husband.  Groceries are more obvious.  Still I should get in the car and drive it a bit so that the tires don't go flat.  Maybe in a day or two.  For now it can sit there.

I spent four hours on the lawn last night.  We, our neighborhood, finally got notice that the construction is almost complete and we can start watering our lawns once again.  The sod that was put down is now curling up and dried out.  My front lawn is brown.  So today I'll be back at it.  After it gets mowed on the green spots on Friday I'll be back out there with fertilizer and seed.  Not much use for the moss out right now as the rain has stopped for almost a week.

I did dream a bit last night.  I remember two dreams involving a fluffy grey kitten.  I guess I really want a kitten bad.  But because we are still trying to conceive a cat is just not in the picture.  No one to change the litter box.

Well I need to get back to the salt mine.  I'm still working on that blanket for charity.  All the handwoven yarn squares are now sewn together.  I'm down to the crocheted edge on the queen sized blanket.  Not much longer now.  I'll rest more when I'm dead.  Just kidding.

Going It Alone

0310 hrs saw me waking my husband up.  It was time.  I had yet to go to sleep.  The frustration, anxiety and last night's pizza, I'm allergic to tomatoes, kept me awake.  Of late I'm not sleeping well.

0415 hrs J and I drop off his duffle bags at the designated drop site.

0500 hrs J and I part ways so that he can go to his formation.  Soon after we travel to the next destination which was back to the bag drop off point.

0530 hrs Its another formation.

0630 hrs Its another formation

0730 hrs Its another formation

0800 hrs I say my good byes to him.

I probably could have stayed around until they got on the buses this morning which would have only been another 30 minutes to wait but I was already behind on taking my morning medicine by three hours.  With the stress right now I'm not sure my blood pressure could wait a few more minutes.  Well that and the traffic with PT letting out made getting off the corner a 15 minute process.  Several roads close on post each morning for PT and re-open shortly after PT is over.

One other reason I wanted to get home was to try to find what J was looking for and couldn't find.  I figured I would have time to find it and get it back to him before he loaded up on the bus.  I get home at almost 0820 hrs and fruitlessly look about where he would normally keep his gaming cds.  No luck.  So I'm not even going to try to head back empty handed at this point.

Finally sleep is calling to me at 0900 hrs.  Its a fitful sleep.  I miss him so much already.  I wake up no less than four times before finally dragging myself out of bed at 1300 hrs.  Tonight I expect the same, not much sleep.

So this is some of what I've been unable to discuss.  There is more, there is always more. 

Again I write this blog for me so that I don't forget how I felt, what I did, and what I experienced.  I have fibromyalgia and often I forget things.  For now I can share certain things in my life but there may come a day when I cannot and will go private with my blog.

Dental Health

My dental visit last week went well.  I was told that I have only one more tooth that they want to watch.  Its not a cavity but it is the last of the old silver fillings in my mouth.  My gums are good too.  Almost perfect check up this time with the exception of the the old filling they are watching.

In June I was diagnosed with Bruxism.  This is most likely the cause of my fillings not lasting as long as they should.  Well that and the fact that I have GERD and a stressful life.

So while I was at my appointment last week I was fitted for my night guards.  I've had various night guards in the past.  I've had the cheap rubber ones.  I've had the expensive acrylic and metal night guards that I paid out of pocket over $400.00 for 10 years ago.  The expensive one never fit properly and I ended up chucking them, all because when I'd put the guard in place at night it couldn't easily be removed without crying, screaming and having a fit in the morning.  It was painful to try to remove that particular guard.

My new night guard will be ready later this month.  I have hope.  Yes, it was still expensive but I have good dental insurance.  I had to only pay half for the night guard this time.  My dental staff assured me that they would give me a good fit and not let me leave there until it did fit properly.  I had told them about the problem I had with my old one.

Now what I don't understand is why I have dental insurance and a good portion of my friends do not.  Their spouses are in the military.  The insurance for just one person is only about $12 a month.  Family plan is a bit more.  But really why not get the insurance?  It covers twice yearly cleanings, xrays and the fluoride treatments at the cleanings.  It covers 50% of the cost of the night guard and reduced rates depending on the rank of the active duty member for all other services. 

Take a look:

A key part of making wise dental health decisions is understanding how the TRICARE Dental Program (TDP) works and knowing how to make it work for you and your family. One of the best ways to manage your dental health care while keeping your out-of-pocket costs down is to plan ahead for preventive and restorative care. Here are some tips for planning your dental care. Know What's Covered The TDP offers all enrollees coverage for a wide array of dental services, including, but not limited to: Diagnostic and preventive services (exams, cleanings, fluoride treatments, sealants and X-rays) Restorative services (fillings) Endodontics (root canals) Periodontics (gum and bone dental services) Oral surgery (extractions, biopsies and other surgeries) Prosthodontics (crowns, bridges and dentures) Orthodontics (braces) The TDP does not cover every dental treatment. For some services, e.g., cosmetic procedures, you pay the whole cost of the treatment. Refer to your TRICARE Dental Program Benefit Booklet for a complete list of covered services. Know Your Cost-Shares Your out-of-pocket costs vary depending on the service and your sponsor's pay grade. Cost-shares range from zero percent to 50 percent. For example, there is no cost-share for most diagnostic and preventive services, but for more complex services (e.g., implants), there is a 50-percent cost-share. The following enrollees have a 30-percent cost-share for endodontic, periodontal and oral surgery services performed stateside: National Guard and Reserve sponsors in pay grades E-1 to E-4 Family members whose sponsor is in pay grades E-1 to E-4 All other stateside enrollees have a 40-percent cost-share for these services. http://www.tricaredentalprogram.com/tdptws/home.jsp So why aren't more of my friends covered when it costs so little?  Don't they realize how important it is to have good dental health?  If you don't take care of your teeth you are at risk for a higher incident of heart attack, brain infections, and other systemic infections.

Lack Of Sleep Continues

I've been trying for nights now to get to sleep, stay asleep, and awake refreshed.  For the past five days I've been living off of an average of 3 hours of sleep a night.  I doubt that I have to mention that I'm short tempered because of it.

Saturday night, all was quiet in the neighborhood which is unusual for a pay day weekend.  Usually there are parties in a few houses on the street.

But...okay there was one disturbance.  I was still awake as I mentioned in Up All Night until 0221 hrs when I figured I was suitably tired enough to actually sleep.  My life has been a bit of a mess of late and a lot is on my mind of which I'd love to discuss with my friends but only a few are privy to what the mess is about at this point in time.

My neighbors across the street that moved in just two months ago, had gotten loud and were probably drinking.  Its now 0300hrs and I'd like to sleep.  I ask my spouse to get dressed and speak with them nicely about lowering their voices since they were outside.  Why they all of a sudden decided to move their party to the out of doors is beyond me.  For several hours they were very understanding of the rules here on post to keep it to a low volume.  J speaks with them, they apologize.

0400 hrs, they have successfully moved the party inside, or so I thought and their one visitor has gone home. 

insert a SCREAM here.  A loud female scream.  I get dressed.  I grab my heavy flashlight and walk across the street.  As I approach their breezeway the husband comes out and says he is leaving.  The wife follows and starts to get abusive verbally to her husband.  I said that I came over to find out if everyone is okay as I heard a female scream.  She tells me he is leaving and not coming back.  Okay sure I think, great.

I go back across the street to my own house.  Our homes are single family dwelling.  The soldiers are under a lot of stress right now for reasons I'm not able to mention.  Heck even J and I have had arguments on how we are going to handle our situation at hand.  Not screaming matches.  Not fist fights but arguments nonetheless.

J watches out our front door window at what is going on across the street.  We are being on alert in case we need to call 911 if they are getting out of hand.  Seriously, I don't like domestic violence.  However, I think that raised voices do not constitute domestic violence but, the state of Washington does and that makes it even worse for the families here on post.  I just wanted to make sure that no slaps, punches, or killings were going to be going on if I could help prevent it.  I told J that if I heard her scream again I would go over again to ask if they needed to be separated for a bit to think more clearly.  Sometimes you need someone to talk to, especially a stranger that will understand the lifestyle of the military.

No, I'm not a busy body.  But I do think that with what is going on right now that a lot of the families are under a great amount of stress.  I'd rather not have a homicide on my street.  I'd rather not see a soldier's career ruined because he or she didn't find a better outlet for their stress.

There is nothing at all wrong with asking another person if they want to go for a walk IF it just helps defuse the situation though with some folks it will just make them more angry.  I know I often go for a walk when I can't rationally deal with something or someone at that immediate moment.

So last night, after several days of messed up sleep, my sleep cycle has changed leaving me with the inability to get to sleep until the wee hours of the morning.  I'm now up until 2, 3 or 4 am before I even attempt to go to bed.  Its got to change soon.  I'm too cranky piloting my schedule on only 3 hours of sleep.  However I might get that chance to change my sleep schedule next week.  We'll see.

Oh and hopefully Equity will show up soon today to fix the spray hose on the kitchen sink and the fence gate.  Maybe I can get them to figure out why the bathroom sink is making dripping noises in the pipe, not the faucet.  My spouse, when he called in the repairs, forgot to mention the bathroom sink.  So we'll wait and see.