Washington Sunshine

Well its grey again today.  I've been told this is the normal Washington Sunshine. 

Its cold too.

Ya know I've been here almost four years, September marks that anniversary, and I'm still not adjusted to the weather patterns.

I do love the fact that while the rest of the US is broiling I'm cool here but I don't like thinking that its almost July and I'm still wanting to reach for a long sleeved heavy sweater or light winter coat before I go outside.  Heck even indoor the temp is only registering a  cool  66 F right now.  "Sun so hot I froze to death, Susanna don't you cry for me!".

Plans for this weekend are going to vary depending on the weather conditions.

1. train ride near Mt. Rainier
2. picnic on the beach
3. shopping for groceries

Please let it be a bit sunny for even one day!!!  I can get groceries any time but I'd rather have a bit of sunshine this weekend.

Fibro Flare

I ache from the neck down.  Hips and legs are the worst for pain areas right now.  Fingers are badly swollen and I can't put my wedding ring on.

Okay I give up.  I need a diuretic, AF to get here, some pain killers, a massage, and chocolate gift basket.

Sighs, guess I'll just have to charge up the TENS unit, rub my hands and feet to get the fluid moving around, stretch then stretch some more and at bed time take a hot bath with Epsom salts. 

I really hate Fibro Flares!

Getting Married and Other Mistakes

The graphic novel Getting Married and Other Mistakes by Barbara Slate is not only funny but true for how it shows what the life of the average American female can be when challenged with finding a person to love, keeping a sound relationship and having a career.

Listening to my parents for adult advice was the biggest mistake that I ever made. My mom married young and never really experienced all that is out there in life.  I married young the first time, listening to her advice.  Big mistake there.

Mom did what worked for her but it didn't work all that well for me.  My dad wasn't a skilled laborer and left most around the house projects up to my mom or his dad.  Yes, my mom can hang wall paper and make her own paste.  She can re-upholster and refinish wood too.  I did learn those skills from her.

The great thing about making mistakes is that I have, hopefully, learned to not make the same one twice.  Oh and I've definitely learned a lot from the mistakes that I have made.

1) I've learned to keep my mouth shut and listen because even though I am probably right there is always that bit of doubt.

2) If it isn't broke don't fix it.  If you don't have the knowledge or free flowing money just leave it alone already.  I knew one guy that was nicknamed the "golden screwdriver" for a good reason. The guy thought he could make anything that was in working order work better.  He ended up breaking the item every time.

3)  Just because you went to college doesn't mean you know everything. Wait a minute I paid good money for that education, what do you mean I don't know everything?  See #1.  Keep your mouth shut.

This post is inspired by Getting Married and Other Mistakes by Barbara Slate. This graphic novel offers a raw, yet humorous look at what happens to Jo after a surprise divorce. Join From Left to Write on Thursday, June 28 as we discuss Getting Married and Other Mistakes by Barbara Slate. I received a review copy of the and all opinions are my own.

Washing Woes

Well yesterday was really fun.  As I was attempting to wash the whites the washer decided it would quit.  It made a loud humming noise and refused to drain.  Okay so I know the machine is old.  I bought it brand new on 15 January 1996.  Yes, I found the original receipt attached to the warranty and schematics.

Now my washer looks like this:

J had to tear it apart.  Well I begged him to fix it.  As it turns out it might only be  a $20 part.  He is an engineer, or was one, so hopefully he can put the machine back together and get it running again.  If not, I did price a new plain jane machine $317 for a K.en.more.

 

So I ended up rinsing and wringing out all the whites by hand yesterday.  Hey, I found that it is great exercise.  I actually managed to lose 1.2 pounds doing laundry the old-fashioned way!  .

 

Breakfast or Lunch; still yummy any time

Taylor Ham, fried egg, cheese, ketchup, salt and pepper on an everything bagel!

Since we no longer live near NJ we had to order the Taylor Ham online.  I bought J 6 pounds of this deli delight.  So to thank me he made me lunch yesterday with the ham.  I forgot just how good it is.  Though he did slice it thick and I prefer it much thinner its still yummy served up especially when I don't have to cook!

Rainbows on the Horizon

I'm looking forward to the future.  I have happiness inside of me. 

Today I saw my RE, Lt.Col.B., and he had good news for me.  No more Gatorade!  Yay!  Well he didn't say those words but he did say that I can now do  80/20 for stuff as I feel able.  Sex when I feel ready as long as their isn't pain.  And for the best news, whenever AF rears her ugly head I'll get my script of letrazole.  

Now as for the pain, its inflammation because so much was moved about inside of me.  It could be the endometrioma coming back since all they did was drain it.  The location of it wasn't optimal to removal as it was wedged between the bladder and uterus.  It really was hiding!

The adhesions I had thought were on the uterus were actually on the bowels.  Fun there.  At least I can now relieve the bowels without pain too.  My tubes looked great.  Lt.Col.B. thinks that the letrazole might actually work well for me.

Oh and because of all that and the package that arrived today I'm in a really good mood.  I delivered to the REI clinic 5 dozen white and milk chocolate macadamia nut cookies.  They were happy and surprised that I made them.  I was asked for the recipe on my blog.  Its easy...look at the back of a milk chocolate toll house bag and use just one cup of the milk chocolate morsel and one cup of the white chocolate morsel.  When it says nuts use the macadamia nuts.  Yes, that easy. 

As for the package, its Taylor Ham.  J grew up on it living on the Jersery border.  He loved me ever so much for ordering 6 pounds of it on Monday.  To show his affection he is coming home for lunch to make some Jersey sandwiches.  YUM!  Taylor ham, fried eggs, cheese on a hard roll with ketchup, salt and pepper!  If I remember I'll take photos for drool purposes.

Making Cookies For The RE

Well I'm feeling good enough in the mornings now that I thought I would try my hand at baking again.  So as soon as I'm done with the computer today I'm going to bake about 5 dozen cookies.

What kind you ask?

White and Milk Chocolate Macadamia nut cookies.

Oh drool time.

Now I have to be good.  I can't eat them all.  I did promise last week Monday, when I last saw my RE, that I'd bake them some cookies to say thanks.  Oh and I can't eat much of them because of another reason; non-alcoholic fatty liver disease.

I've known for a few months now that I have non-alcoholic fatty liver disease.  Recently, 1 June to be exact, I found out just how bad via the ultrasound.  It could be worse but moderate is bad enough I think.  I have to ask again, "why me?".  I've been good.  I've been dieting and watching what I eat for years.  Well I'm just special is the answer.

I guess for some of us it just doesn't matter what we eat, how much we exercise, or how hard we pray if we pray at all; bad things are just going to happen whether we like it or not.  I think I'll blame genetics.

I can also blame genetics and hormones for my shopping sprees too.  Wait what?  Yes, its true.  Women tend to shop for items that make them more attractive, irregardless of price, when we are ovulating.  Well ovulating is something I can do.  What I can't do is make a baby with my bad eggs or at least one that will stick around any length of time.

So I'll get my happy on today making cookies.  Maybe if they like the cookies so much they'll lift the sex restriction?  I can hope.  E-gads its been at least 6 weeks since I've been allowed sex of any kind.  Hmmm...I wonder what I can put in the cookies to make them do my bidding?

When is the Pain going to Stop?

I'm annoyed that I'm still in pain at 13 days past surgery.  Why is there still pain?  Any one have a clue?

The pain is worse in the afternoon.  The pain is mainly on the right side where hardly anything was done except to put in an incision from what I know right now.  Why does the pain radiate down from the naval incision to deep inside my womb?

Any one have a clue?

Ready Player One Book Winner

Emily at A Blanket 2 Keep  is the winner of the Ready Player One book copy that I was hosting for my giveaway.

Emily if you are reading this please contact me asap as I need to notify the publisher tomorrow.  Thanks.

To every one else that entered, sorry you didn't win but you can still enter the contest that Ernest Cline is hosting on http://www.readyplayerone.com/.  Good luck on finding the first gate.   I've already located it myself.

My Thought For Today

Finding The First Gate

Last night J and I were messing around with his computer and I said to him that I wanted to check out the http://www.readyplayerone.com/ website again.  We had checked it out before the contest to win a Delorean started, so that was before 5 June.

Its there, the contest is ready.  As of last night 250 people have not only found the first gate but they have found the first key!  I too know where the first gate is located since I read the book. 

I'm terrible with my hand eye coordination but I too might just give it a try for fun.  I doubt I'd win the car but I've already won an adventure in reading Ready Player One by Ernest Cline.  I can't wait for the movie to come out.


Have you located the first gate?

The second gate opens up in July.  Are you ready for adventure?

No Engery Today

Ready Player One drawing will be held on Monday, June 18th.  Don't forget to leave a comment on that particular blog page if you want to be entered in the contest to win a free copy of the book.  If you are the lucky winner I'll need your contact information within a day of the drawing so that I can notify the publisher where to send your copy of the book.

I have no ambition and no energy today.  I'm depressed.  Why?  Well I can't have a baby.  Every one around me seems to be giving birth.  Even the other day it was announced on fb that a couple gave birth and the picture was posted.  Their name was just one letter off from my last name and the soldier's rank was the same.  I guess it really gets to me because if IVF #1 had worked I'd be in the home stretch right now, not recovering from a laparoscopic surgery.

I'm still fat.  Since January and with this surgery, though I've lost about half of what I gained from the IV bag I'm still at +16 pounds for the year.  I hate my body and it hates me.

I was going to color my hair today but I'm tired.  I'm not sleeping well and the pain killers aren't working on the pain.  I take them only at bedtime now.  I'm actually a bit afraid of what they'll find when they do the ultrasound next week Thursday for the two week check up.  I don't hurt near the incisions but more in the uterus area and it feels like something was left hanging since it bobs a bit inside of me.  No clue what it could be and I'll just have to wait and see. The pain gets worse at night and of late has become bilateral.

J is upset at all the babies and bellies he is subjected to seeing.  Its getting to him.  He came home in a fowl mood last night from the commissary.  We discussed the "why".  As of today I have exactly enough to do the frozen donor eggs but I have to wait.  I'd like to try a few more rounds with my own while we do a "wait and see" if he'll be able to stay in the Army.  I told him last night that if we went through with the donor eggs right off what would happen if he couldn't stay in?  And the fact that if our kid needed medical for a disability we would no longer be covered.  Its rather scary but I'm being quite adult about this whole thing.  I'm scared that we won't have that money to fall back on and it just doesn't sit right with me.

Enough is Enough

CD 49.  I'm waiting and not so patiently.  If this doesn't start soon I'll have to ask for something to get it started and we all know that it could cause more issues.  Sure I have some lovage root around here that might just get it going but I'm truly afraid right now with the incisions.  The cramps I get with endo are bad and can bring me to my knees. 3 of the incisions have white on them under the dermabond...I'm wondering if they are infected.  I'll know more next week when I walk to my appointment.  Its only about a mile there and a mile back to the house.  I should be up to the walk next week.

Thinking of the endometriosis just makes me want to give up trying.  I'll be 43 soon.  I have almost enough saved up now to try for the frozen donor eggs but what if it doesn't work?  And I'd have no nest egg left to fix the car of which I've been putting off.  And if they do decide to kick J out of the Army I'd have nothing to fall back on until we get jobs.  Oh, yes I'd have to find a job too even though I'm handicapped.

I'm still hoping for that miracle good quality egg to show up like it did after the first IVF.  I got pregnant last year without meds but it didn't stick around long.  I'm hoping that J and I can do the injections for a couple of cycles before we have to make the bank draining next step.

I think that come December we might be calling it quits.  I don't want to but it seems like I might not have a choice. 

A Little Frustrated

Short post before I head out to see my PCM for the radiology results for the upper abdominal pain which is going to be most likely written off as nothing.

I've been with the Army as a wife, with two marriages, for 17 out of the past 21 years.  Its still pretty much the same as it was 21 years ago.  There are still those good units that you never actually see but someone invariably finds, just not you, and they love to brag about how good life is in that unit.  There are always those horrible units out there too.  I'm some where in the middle. 

Rear D is where my husband currently sits with his back problem and hernia.  He can't deployed and he wanted to deploy because lets face it, no one likes to get stuck on Rear D.   Rear D is akin to being left out of the fun and games for a person that is trained to do the main task, the meat of the project.  J wants to go and be with his unit.

So life is a bit of hell here.  As you'll notice from my blogging of late, I'm on bed rest.  But one would think that since J's chain of command is well aware of this they would offer him leave time, a few personal days or what not.  I guess Rear D is so darn important now that he is having to take on extra duty.

Yes, we all know why he is being given the shit end of the stick.  I refused to let his SSG push J around and violate the command of a superior officer.  So since then he has had to pull guard duty after work one day, now he has to take a food handler course tonight after work and he was volunteered by his chain of command to work detail on the Fourth Of July at the festivities on post.  Oh wait how can that be possible since I'll still be on bed rest until 6 July you ask?  Well remember the Army can do what ever they want to my spouse to make his life hell and in turn mine as well.  Rear D assignments are extra important I guess?

Yes, I'm grouchy.  So if I tear open the incisions doing laundry I have no one to blame but myself for wanting clean clothing?  If I pass out from hunger because I have no one to help with the cooking or run to the grocery store to get food since 1) I'm not allowed to drive and 2) I won't have a car at my general use, I'm to blame because I don't have a Family Care Plan.

We were told before each of J's upcoming deployments that because we didn't have children he didn't need a Family Care Plan.  Besides my parents are on the East coast and my dad is blind, almost deaf, has a heart condition and his kidneys some times need dialysis.  Is my Mom supposed to jump ship and care for me?  No.  Its bloody fricken Rear D!  He isn't deployed let him spend some time with his spouse!!!

Okay rant done for now.  I'm at the one week point in recovery.  It still hurts to sit up for too long.  But I have a doctor appointment today and I must bite the bullet and survive a car ride to the MTF.

Please forgive my ranting and raving.  Remember I'm in pain.

Exhausted

Short post.  I'm exhausted.  I need to get horizontal.

Its not the percocet since I haven't taken a dose since 2200 hrs yesterday.

There is some pain.  I'm just so tired.  Healing takes a lot of effort.

After Equity gets here for their yearly inspection I think I'm going to go lie down and nap.

Oh but I need to mention, I did some research on my doctor, Lt.Col. B.  I found out that he really knows his stuff.  So I'm in really good hands.  He has written a few papers on Endometriosis and done a few presentations about it too.  I'm lucky to have him as a doctor.  The other two doctors that I also see from time to time are capable but not as knowledgeable in this particular field.

Inside of Me; photos of my pelvic region

So as you can see this is me, well inside of me.  I went to the RE clinic today for pain management.  Since I can't take NSAIDs Lt.Col. B. opted to give me another script of percocet.  I won't take it often, mostly to help when the pain gets really bad or to get through the night so I can sleep without pain waking me up.

He said that I have stage 2 and 3 endometriosis.  Originally I was told it was stage 1 and 2.  Doesn't make that much difference to me as long as they know I have it and treat me accordingly.

I probably should have labeled the pictures as he spoke so that I could have told all you what is what.  But the grey areas are the endo, the white line like things are the adhesions and the white blob is the cyst.  The cyst or should I say cysts, because I just found out there were two, one was endometrioma and the other was a functional cyst.  One was hiding behind the other one and both were on the left ovary.  So just think, at one point I had three cysts that were roughly 7 cm each.  Geez no wonder I was in such pain.  I guess I'm not a wuss after all.

Good news is that I'm healing well.  I'm bruised because they nicked a vein.  I'm sore because well I'm going to be sore with all that crap removed from me.

Gone Girl

We all know that there are two sides to a story.  It holds true to our identities too.  I blog almost daily about what is going on in my life but I never fully reveal my inner me.  I blog about a glance into who I am.

There is the me that I show the world.  I strive to be the best that I can be and overcome the obstacles that are put in my path.  Be it the disabilities, stigmas, or the common cold I strive for that bit of perfection that others often find daunting in my personality that I present to the world at face value.

But then there is the me that is rarely seen.  The me that I try to hide from the world.  The big marshmallow, the wimp, the one that wants to hide from life and all of its meanness.

However when I am backed into a corner my claws come out.  I will defend my friends and loved ones tooth and nail.  Recently I had to do just that and though its quite draining I would do it again.

I will never have the personality type like Amy in the novel; a Type A personality.  I just don't have it in me to be two radically different personalities.  I can't manipulate people into doing what they don't want but only what they really want to do and just don't realize it.  I call it persuasion.  I'll state the facts of the options and show them what could happen if they choose any of them.  Of course I'll play up the good of the option I'd like them to go for but that is as far as I go.

This post is inspired by mystery thriller GONE GIRL by Gillian Flynn. They may not have the perfect marriage, but after Amy goes missing, Nick becomes the number one suspect. Can he discover what happened before it's too late? Join From Left to Write on June 12 as we discuss Gone Girl. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Pain Update

I'm tired.  The pain is draining the energy from me.

I promised J and S that if its worse come Monday I'll call my doctor and let them know.

Its funny though it doesn't hurt where the incisions are located.  No, it hurts where the uterus is and on the lower right below the ovary incision site.

When I sit down and take a breath to clear my throat or yawn it feels like something is pushing itself out like a balloon inflating and pushing through a muscle.  Odd I know.  But that is isolated to just the spot below the right ovary incision site.

To the right of the uterus, almost on top of it there is pain.  When I touch the area getting dressed its quite painful.  I wonder if that is where the adhesion was on the uterus.  I know they told my spouse that the adhesion was on the top of my uterus.

If the pain gets worse I'll go to the ER.  It only makes me a little nauseated.  I still have troubles when bending to the right and even right now on the right side while sitting here it feels like something is trying to bulge out on the right.  Sometimes, though I know I'm not pregnant, it feels a bit like a baby kicking hard.  Hard to explain.

If anyone has felt anything like this let me know.

The percocet with benadryl is making it difficult for me to concentrate on anything more strenuous than a graphic novel.  Yes, even reading the Grimms' fairy tales are difficult right now.  I hate brain fog.

Laying Low

I'm going to keep taking it easy for the next four weeks or less if the RE determines in two week that I can do more.  I'm having some pain in the pelvis and it rather odd too.  It feels as though something is free floating in there.  It feels like it moves when I walk.  It feels like it trying to push outward when I sit down.  Have any of you felt this after the surgery?

The pain is radiating down my right thigh from the right side of my pelvis.  Its odd and painful.  I feel like I'm bruised inside too.

So if any of you who have pelvic surgery have felt anything like this please let me know.  Thanks.

Purple, Red, and Blue

That bruise if from the guy trying to start an IV line and instead puncturing through the vein blowing it.  Lovely huh?

I have more bruises that I had J take photos of.  Remember if you don't want to see the next photo then don't look.

I had but four small incisions and I knew I would bruise a little but not this much.

One in the naval.

One on the left side where an ovary is.

One on the right side where an ovary is.

One way below all that bruising to access the top of the uterus where the worst of the endometriosis was.

In this photo my abdomen is still all bloated from the gas they pumped into me.  I still have some of it today along with the fluid retention too.  Its amazing what 4 pounds from surgery will do to make it so none of the clothing fits.

My only real worry is for J.  J is getting chewed out by his SSG today for following the orders that two of my doctors, one a major and the other a lt.col.  set forth for my care.  The SSG called no less than three times after I was home during the 24 hr period demanding that J go back to work.  Had J gone back to work and I got hurt I would have sued the SSG and I told the SSG as much.  Of course the SSG started ordering me about which was twice in a three day period.  Does the man not realize that I'm a civilian?  I'm following my doctors orders and the doctors out rank the SSG.  The man is on a power trip.  I went over the SSG's head to the MSG and the MSG back me up. 

BAD NURSE

Its 0511 hrs right now on the day after the aftermath of surgery.  Now I need to fill in you, my friends, on all that happened.

YESTERDAY

0400 hrs I'm up taking my medicine and cleaning up with the pre-op wipes

0550 hrs report to the pre-op sign in

0555 hrs sent down to Admissions.  Why?  Well they forgot to have to me do it the day before as a just in case.

0610 hrs  Back at the Pre-op desk and I'm cranky at this point

0640 hrs I get called back to Pre-op with my spouse and one other patient a Col. who decided to break the rules and bring not one person with him but three.  I guess he thinks he can break the rules.  They let him.

0700 hrs I'm changing into my gown, footies, and surgical hat.  Col's family is breaking more rules and using their cell phones to not only text, and make calls but to take pictures.  I inform my nurse, Pearl.  She was a nurse of mine with my old PCM when I first got here.  She is a no nonsense gal with a bad bed side manner but excellent at what she does.  She makes everyone at this point remember, though harshly, to shut off all electronic devices.

0720 hrs.  Surgeons, Dr.B and Dr.P, have come and gone to check on me.  At this point I've now been stuck 4 times in the attempts to start a line.  I have good veins but one inept male first punctured through a vein  on my left forearm blowing it, couldn't get the back of my right hand threaded and couldn't get my best vein on my left arm threaded either.  In they send the best guy to try.  He numbs the back of my left hand of which the other guy didn't do with the other hand and threads it immediately.  He couldn't believe the trouble the other one was having since my veins were obviously quite visible and easy to get.

0730 hrs.  I'm set, I've been joking with the staff for about an hour now in my attempts to remain calm.  When asked what I'm allergic to besides the Penicillin, Sulfa drugs and Azithromycian I state "humans, because you all make me sick"...Hahaha..we all laugh.  Well its true right?  We cough on each other spreading germs making one another ill.

1100 hrs I'm rudely woken up by the nurse from Hell.  I still don't remember her name but I won't forget the treatment from her.  After only an hour in post op, I'm allowed 2 hours to recover, she rudely shakes me awake saying that I need to wake up and leave now.

1120 hrs I ask to go pee.  No bed pan please.  She tells my husband where to take me to the bathroom as its in a different place than pre-op.  She then deserts us.  I find out I'm passing blood clots vaginally.  This is not okay.  I was told to get dressed while in the rest room and leave after.  I told the nurse, after we could find her again, that I'm not only bleeding but passing clots.  She dismisses it.  I ask her about my discharge instructions while J helps me on with my shoes.  She tells me that the doctor has already spoken to my husband.  Yes but my husband is still sleepy and didn't take notes.  I ask to speak with my surgeon.  Bad nurse tells me that he is in surgery and it will be another hour.  I was fine waiting I told her.  She insists that I leave.  Fine!  I start taking the tape off the pic line in the back of my left hand and she finally realizes that she forgot to take out.  Bad NURSE!  No cookie for you.

So it got worse.  I check my meds that J picked up.  I was given two meds that I cannot take.  Ibuprofen will eat a hole in my ulcer quick.  Bad nurse is getting testy with me for first wanting to stay longer, second for interrupting her conversation about another nurse's shoes.  She wanted a pair just like them and I was obviously bothering her.

I said okay I'll leave.  She offers me a chair I say no I'll walk.  I'm pissed by this point.  I did walk.  I wanted to be left alone.  I walked down to my clinic and told my nursing staff there what happened and I didn't have my ID card yet, J had it and he was getting the car.  I asked for new meds but of course without the ID card I can't pick them up.  They were upset at my ill treatment by bad nurse.  (I left out some of the worst of my mistreatment by her in this post). 

I walked the less than a mile home.  I had to cool off.  Walking home wasn't that bad.  They sent an ambulance, fire truck and MP patrol after me.  They got to me just one block from home.  Really nuts if you ask me.  I showed them my four bracelets and my discharge papers.  They let me go.  I pointed where I lived as it was easily seen by where they stopped me at.  I explained to them that they were making a spectacle of themselves.  (think keystone cops flic if you will).

1245 hrs I got home and my surgeon Dr.B. calls me.  He is worried and upset.  He wants to make sure I'll have someone at home for me.   J had a class in just 15 minutes he had to attend.  So I assured Dr.B. that someone would be with me.

J drove home and stayed with me but....here is the great part.  His SGT called and told J he had to leave me here alone and go to his class!  Yeah he did say that.  J after telling him no (Dr.B. is a major and outranks the SGT) hung up and realized that yes I've been treated badly by his chain of command and the nurse at the hospital. 

I've said before that family comes last in the Army and I proved it.  Not only did the Col. who was going through surgery violate the rules but he got better treatment than I did.  And lets not forget the SGT that thought that I could be left alone when I'm not supposed to be for the first 24 hrs. 

J will report back to work today after lunch.  He is going to follow the orders of my doctors.

I could have gone into more detail but then I'd would be violating OPSEC, PERSEC and probably a few other things.  Suffice it to say that I'm going to try to never have surgery at Madigan ever again.

Now for the surgery; I'll make this brief.  They removed the cyst on the left ovary.  They removed the endometriosis that they could find and made a fourth incision to get to the one on the top of my uterus.  I have stages 1 and 2 of endometriosis.  Depends on where its located in me as to how severe.  The stage one was on the left fallopian tube and removed with a laser cauterization technique.  The adhesion endo was on the top of my uterus.  If there is more in there it can wait since I'm not doing a laperotomy to get it done for a while.

Well I'm nauseated and dizzy not a good thing so I'll stop for today.

Ready Player One

I'm a girl geek.  Not such a rare breed these days but I celebrate my difference.  I'm not as geeky as some of the girls out there because I don't spend days at my computer programming and hacking but I still like to game.

Reading Ready Player One brought back all sorts of memories from growing up in the 80's.  I had to refer to my husband, a genuine geek, for some of the references from the book that I couldn't recall.  By calling on him for my life line we were brought closer.  We even decided to watch "War Games" together as he, cough cough, had never seen the flic before!  Shocking I know.

I spent two days reading the book and had a hard time putting it down to socialize.  I'm not really a social creature and the most socializing I seem to do is on the computer.  I can totally relate to Wade Watts.  I've been down the abuse and poverty route.  I've escaped too. 

Truth be told, if it hadn't been for my geekiness I never would have dated my husband.  J used to run his own gaming club on the college campus that we both attended.  I was pushing through with my studies and working part time while in college.  Gaming wasn't much of an option for me.  J showed me that I still had time for fun and escaping from the real world into the virtual world or even a paper one with D&D was just what I needed to survive the stress of college.  He was right.  Still to this day I prefer the virtual world over the real world.  People in the virtual world might not be like their true selves in the real world but often time they are much nicer without the restraints of their real body's limitations.  There will always be those snarky people in the virtual world too but I can just log out and they don't exist unlike the character in the book,Wade, where he had people wanting to kill him in real life as well as kill his virtual character in the OASIS.

I highly recommend this book.  No truly I've been blabbing to everyone even in the surgery pre-op about how good this book is with its action, adventure, humor, and suspense.

 To read more about this particular book please visit the website: http://www.readyplayerone.com/
Or visit the author's facebook page at: www.facebook.com/readyplayerone
 As a participant in this From Left to Write book blog tour, I received a copy of the book for review. Check out the other stops on the blog tour for a chance to win a copy of Ready Player One. 

The publisher of this book is offering one copy of Ready Player One for me to give away. If you would like the chance to win a copy of this particular book please leave me a comment below letting me know if you would like to be entered in the drawing. I will be drawing the winner's name on June 18th. If you are the winner I'll need your contact information right away to submit it to the publish so they can send you your free copy of the book.

Surgery TOMORROW

Yes, the surgery has now become emergency.  Dr. B. walked into the surgical prep area, asked where I was, found me with the nurse getting the information set for Thursday and said that my surgery is being moved up to 0600 hrs tomorrow!

Yikes!  I guess I won't be dying my hair tonight like I had hoped.  I joked with him that he'll just have to deal with the old grey mare look.

So I'm nervous to say the least.  I haven't been cut open since I was a kid.  D&C, IVF and endoscopy doesn't count.

Dr.B. is going to do the three small incisions and if need be take my left ovary too.  Possibly a full laparotomy will have to be done or so I was warned.  I guess it all depends on what they find.  Oh and yes they are going to try to go after the endometriosis if possible.

Ugh!  What the heck did I get myself into this time?

J and me made a few calls when we got home this afternoon.  I had to reschedule a house inspection that was set for tomorrow.  Yearly crap that our Army post inflicts upon us.  I guess its actually a good thing.  J was going to get xrays tomorrow for his back.  Why not an MRI since its not skeletal but rather muscular I don't know and won't bother wasting time trying to figure out their logic?  So he might have to reschedule that.  He also has a class tomorrow that I told him as of now not to miss but we'll see what the discharge instructions say since I don't think I'm supposed to be left alone for the day. 

Tomorrow before I leave for surgery I'll be posting my blog about the book giveaway.  Please enter if you'd like a chance at winning a free copy of the book.

Surgical Consult

Okay first off I need the name of the place here in WA state that a blogger friend is having her egg donation from.  Sorry but if you mentioned I can't remember the place.  I'm planning on doing just two more rounds of treatment with my own eggs then I'll move onto the frozen donor eggs.  If you are reading this blog post please email with the name of the clinic.

Today at 0930 hrs I had another appointment to get my cyst looked at.  Now I have a surgical consult set for 1300hrs today.  We are scheduling surgery for Thursday.  I can't take this pain any longer.

I was read the risks and warnings before I signed my consent form.  I'm well aware I could lose my best producing ovary.  If Lt.Col. B. or Dr. C. does the surgery they know that I want the endometriosis taken care of too.  If however, I'm playing Russian Roulette right now with the surgeons schedules, I end up with someone from OB/GYN they aren't aware of this extra. 

I'll be having at minimum three small incisions done.  Maximum will be the full lap and I'll have a bikini c-section scar.  Much as I don't like the idea of scaring or adhesions I'm tired of being in pain and waiting to get things fixed.  I cried in the office today.

If I want the pain managed it would mean me being admitted today and then I'd be bumped up to tomorrow where who the heck knows will perform the surgery.

I did ask again if they could just drain it.  The cyst isn't shrinking.  My E2 rebounded as soon as I got off the ganirelix.  I can't win.

Oh and poor J does have a hernia.  I was right on that one.  It doesn't hurt all that much he says.  His pain is mostly his pulled back muscle.  I had done a hernia check on J weeks ago when he first presented to me with pain and swelling in the region.  Geez, I should have been a doctor.  I knew where to check him and how to check him too.  Thankfully it can be easily fixed with a bit of screening.  His pain is just one of the reasons I've been putting off getting my stuff done.  And yes this is typical Army wives.  We are used to taking a back seat.

I Just Don't Get It

Most of you know what is going on with my reproductive health.  I had a 0900 hrs appointment this morning.  Lt.Col. B. was unavailable and I was told I was going to get stuck with Dr.B.   As it turned out I got stuck with Dr.C.  Dr.C. was the one that did my IVFs.  Sure he is good for that but it seems like only that. 


Dr.C.  said he didn't think surgery was necessary.
He said I could now have sex.
He said he still wants me on bed rest for at least another 3-4 weeks.

WTF?

The cyst is still there.  A tad bit smaller in one direction but still 6.7 cm in the other direction.

Dr.C. then tells me after saying I can have sex that he is concerned about ovarian torsion.  Well duh!

I asked for a second opinion when the numbnut said the above.  He told me he was willing to page Lt.Col.B. to the office to take a look at me.  I said having him call me with the lab results will be sufficient.

Dr.C. said he wouldn't have to see me until several more weeks have passed.  Oh yeah I want the second opinion!

Need I say I'm pissed?

Dr.C. also then tells me that there isn't much more that the clinic can do for me after stating that he realizes that I can get pregnant.  Huh?  Seriously someone make him go back to med school now.  Maybe he didn't have enough caffeine this morning?

I say get the cyst out of me this week and get my period going.  I want  a cycle.  Its something like CD40 now and I'm sick to death of this bed rest.  My eggs aren't getting any younger.  If I need to do donor eggs I want to have all the endometriosis cleaned out so that I can have a better chance at having the embryo stick this time.  Is that too much to ask for?

Reading My Life Away

I started reading Cannery Row by John Steinbeck last night.  Being on sloth rest means that I'm quickly depleting my stores of books.  But that is okay too because it means two things: 1) I'm allowed to go buy more books and 2) I'm learning more as I read.

On the 6th of June I'll be hosting a book giveaway.  Don't forget to comment on that day's blog post for a chance to win the book I'll be giving away.

Yes, I'm still in a great deal of pain.  I'm trying to go without pain killers for as long as possible today.  I'll probably end up taking one soon as every little move I make sends pain through my pelvis and into my thighs.  I'm hoping for some good news tomorrow at the ultrasound.

Weekend Survival

I feel like a slow moving fish.
Everything I do has to be slow right now.
No fast getting up.
No fast walking.


I'm just a bored person that feels like I'm a fish on exhibit.

I move around inside the house from bed to chair to chair to chair to bed.  I'm going to go nuts with 3 more weeks of this.

Come Monday if the cyst hasn't gone down a significant amount I'm going to ask if he wants to still do surgery.  I'm sick of being in pain.

Poke, Prod, Pain

So I got up early this morning and gave myself the shot of Ganirelix.  Two more days of that shot.  I didn't eat.  I wasn't allowed to eat. 

Next off to the lab for the blood draw.  I wore a black t-shirt I bought in Forks, WA.  Its a happy face with vampire teeth.  Yes, the lab techs loved it!

Off to ultrasound for an abdominal ultrasound.  I'll find out what my asinine PCM has to say about the results. Marla, a really nice ultrasound tech, told me my gall bladder and pancreas were fine. She took a look at the area of pain on the left where the kidney sits and told me I need to follow up with the PCM.  That is where she wouldn't tell me what is wrong.  I asked her what is over there and she said spleen and left kidney.  Okay now what the hell is wrong with me?  I swear if its not one thing its another.  I need more chewing gum and glue to hole me together because the duct tape is obviously peeling off.

Finally my appointment time for REI arrives.  I get in there and get stuck with Nurse J.  Lt.Col. B. is out of town for the day so I'm stuck with none to gentle with the probe Dr. B.  (he is a major).

E2 is down from 500 to the 160's he said.  He won't give me exact numbers on anything nor show me the screen.  He printed out the picture of the cyst and I demanded to see it.  I saw the numbers.  Its not shrinking.  But the good news is that the E2 is down. So the shots are sort of working.

Dr. B. said another 2-3 weeks of bed rest.  Ugh!

He also said that it could still twist at that size or even grow more and I'm to go to the ER if I'm in bad pain.

He also informed me and my spouse if it doesn't start to shrink soon that they are going to have to go in and surgically remove the cyst.  Oh and he didn't think that Monday's follow up plan with Lt.Col.B. was necessary.  I beg to differ.  I told him I was keeping that appointment as I was told it was necessary.

Dr.B. is on my crap list today.  He didn't have to hurt me with the probe. 

Oh on June 6th I'll be running a contest to give away a prize.  Look for the post on that day and sign up for a chance to win.