Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Bronze Anniversary

Today I celebrate 8 years married to my husband.  It hasn't always been fun.  It hasn't been easy.  There are days I want a divorce and never to see him again.  But other than the normal marriage roller coaster everything is usually good between us.

However, my husband has forgotten our anniversary.  He is busy right now.  Really busy preparing for some time away.  I've dropped hints.  I've sent him emails.  I've all but circled the date in red on the calendar.

Last night I made my husband go shopping with me at the Exchange for some much needed replacement clothing that luckily was on sale.  I spent under $50 on one pair of jeans, two t-shirts, one long sleeve shirt, a hoodie and a new nail polish.  I'm a bargain hunter.  During the shopping I told him to go and do what he needs to do...wink wink.  I knew he hadn't bought me a card.

He wanders off.  A little bit later I hear the page for help at the jewelry counter. I get a nice warm smile on my face thinking finally he remembers.  I'd of been just happy with him getting me a card and a rain check for a nice dinner together.

I have my clothing purchases all set in my cart and wander off to go look at nail polish.  On the way to the nail polish I find my husband looking at shoes for men in the shoe department.  My face fell.  Why did I get my hopes up.  Most likely it was another lonely-hearted female just looking at jewelry.

My husband smiles when he sees me until he notices that my lips are pursed in anger.  His hands are empty.  No, not even a card.  He forgot.  I pulled my cart off to the side and asked him why he was in the shoe department?  He said he didn't think of any other place to go besides the bathroom.  I guess he thought I wanted to be left alone to shop.

I explained to him that I know he didn't get me a card, I know that he forgot our anniversary and that shopping was a ploy that evening to give him a chance to get me a card.  You should have seen the look on his face.  He was caught.  He did forget.  He got all apologetic.

This morning I find on my place mat at the table a hand written apology.  Mind you I suggested to him that he make me a card with crayon or marker or something before I get up in the morning.  He wrote the following:  Rebecca,
This is not a card written in crayon because I am not a child and will not intentionally act like one when I need to be serious and mature.  This is an apology and a prayer for my misbehavior, bad attitude and immaturity.  I do love you, I am sorry and I will make the future better by being the man you deserve not just the man you need.
Happy Anniversary
Love J

Now I feel like crap for asking him to make a card with crayon or marker.  I wasn't insinuating that he was a child.  Ugh!  I feel like such an ogress for wanting a damn card.  But it is our wedding anniversary.  I didn't ask for a gift, just a card.  Just a, "hunny I love you and I remembered even though my schedule is hectic I put some thought into this and am showing I care about you and us as a whole.".

Well that emotion is now mine to deal with and for now I'll call it guilt and selfishness.  I detest his passive aggressiveness.  Oh and I highly doubt he will remember next year either.  Each year it has been getting worse.  Birthdays, anniversary, Christmas any time most men would jump to show their spouse that they are loved he "forgets" even though he never forgets a slight, a hurt feeling of his, or an angry emotion.

I either have to learn to live with this man or leave.  I love him but I wonder if at times that the love is one-sided.  I have heard his song and seen his dance and have yet to see anything but that afterwards.


  1. Wow...I'm really sorry...sorry he forgot, sorry it made you feel bad, sorry that this day should have been nice and wasn't :( *hugs*

  2. I'm sorry that he forgot your anniversary. My husband isn't great with dates, but we had our wedding date etched into our wedding rings so if he ever has a question, he can look on the inside of his ring!!

  3. I'm sorry he forgot :( I love gifts, too - to me they show that the person took the time to think about you and know you well enough to pick what you would like, you know? One thing that works well on my husband is when he does something right, I thank him profusely (still genuinely of course), hug him, etc, whatever means the most to him (for my husband it's words like praise and touch like hugs). Somehow I think this imprints on their minds that if they do A they will get B. It kind of feels like rewarding a pet for good behaviour lol but it works better than when I rant and rave and pout when he screws up lol.

  4. :( I'm so sorry he forgot. Hugs!

  5. I'm sorry he forgot. I don't think you're an ogress for wanting a card and a little affirmation that you are special to him on your anniversary.

  6. Marriage is so very hard and IF makes it even harder. I am glad to remember the ways you two have been working on your relationship, including going to the conference earlier in the year. As hard as it is, marriage is also wonderful and a tool for partnership and growth. Happy Anniversary to you both. Here's to many more, and better, years ahead!

  7. I am sorry he forgot, but I do love his apology to you.


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