Mother Mother

Once I cracked the spine of the book I was hooked.  It was as if I were a character in the pages of a life I once lived.  Oh wait, I did live a very similar life once.

Being the adult child of parents that thought the way they were treating me was okay really mucked me up for becoming a stable adult.  Often I find that my emotions range from "I hate you" while screaming at the top of my lungs to mewling like a hurt child, with words uttered of "please don't leave me".

I grew up in upstate NY.  The places mentioned in this psychological thriller not only seemed familiar it was as if  I were walking in Violet's footsteps.

At times I am afraid to open up to any one about my childhood abuse.  I'm afraid to let it be known what happened to me.  It isn't like there are any siblings still at home to be abused.  It isn't like opening up now will help anyone cope except me.  It isn't like it will cauterize the open wound of the flowing memories.  Most likely if I were to open up to the family that hurt me it would just make things worse.  They don't realize what they did was wrong.

I'm not sure that I will ever be able to let go of the feelings that often course through me.  I know the nightmares often plague me before dealing with a stressful meeting, appointment or other life event.  Therapy can only do so much.  I've learned coping mechanism that have helped but they can't eradicate the bad memories.

One thing I have learned from my bad childhood is that if someone comes at you with a leather belt, plastic wiffle ball bat, or anything else that can be used as a weapon you run.  Oh and running to your bedroom where you don't have a lock on the door isn't so smart.  That door will get pushed in and your punishment will only be worse for making that angry adult have to expend calories to hunt you down.

If you know of a child being abused or you are in an abusive relationship then I highly suggest you try to find a way to leave.  Get psychological help for what has been done to you.  As a person that suffers from post traumatic stress disorder I know full well that the nightmares won't ever fully leave but they can be better controlled once you get out of the abusive relationship.

Getting help early is the key to helping you avoid an abusive adult relationship too.  I didn't get help at a young age and ended up in a relationship where I was abused until I filed for divorce.  Life can get better and mine did just that after I left.

A controlling mother, a missing daughter, and a family who is desperate for love. This post was inspired by the the psychological thriller Mother, Mother by Koren Zailckas. Join From Left to Write on September 19 as we discuss Mother, Mother.  As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.