Candy Night

Today is of course Halloween.  I won't be handing out candy this year.  This year it is my husband's job.

I'll be in the kitchen with Bugsy and the door shut so no out accidentally lets him out of the house.  Trick or Treating is only allowed between the hours of 1800 and 2000 hrs here on the military installation.

I've given J instructions to stick with on how to hand out the candy.  Sometimes he stupidly breaks the rules.  It isn't cute when so many germy hands are grabbing in the bowl taking more candy than told to take so that we run out and other kids get none.  Kids can be greedy.

I told him to hold the bowl to his side and he is the only one allowed to dip into the bowl and hand out candy.  You don't know if the kids are sick and I don't want them spreading their diseases all over the entire stock of candy.  Just being safe.

I'm not hiding in the kitchen because I don't like children.  I'm not worried about seeing tots in strollers or pregnant bellies, I'm over that issue with Halloween.  But I don't want the cat meowing from being lonely in the other room.  I don't want Bugsy to feel neglected because we have the door opening and closing for two hours.  Nor do I want him to get out and get hurt by kids who grab at animals or hate cats.  Oh and my cat is a klutz.  Yeah most cats are agile critters.  Not Bugsy.

Oak Tree

Hoping my little oak tree survives the Winter.  I rescued it from my flower bed this past Spring when it was nothing more than a shoot sticking up.

Positive, Positive, Positive

Trying to think positive.

Meanwhile, Manflesh is getting on my nerves.  Bringing home his work worries and complaints really isn't needed when he allows it to spoil our weekend.  If it continues I will move out because I don't want the stress to affect this cycle.  Life with a soldier really isn't at all like what they show on television.  There are no great reunions after deployments of any length.  The only thing that is blockbuster is their moods.

Sighs, hoping he'll put on his sign that says he'll suck it up and leave it at work rather than bring it home to family time.  Doubting that will happen.

Last night while carving a pumpkin we get a call from a person he works with.  Manflesh is giving orders and he needs to deseminate the information.  From that one call our evening went in a down hill roll like a cannon ball with a lit fuse hitting the pins.  The next four hours were spent with him in a foul mood and me trying to explain to him that he can't let crap from work ruin our family time.  We don't get much family time and I'd rather not spend it with him trying to pick a fight.

I guess he figures that if he can get me angry at him then he'll be justified with having a bad mood for Monday work call.  I'm tired of guessing.  He needs to listen to our marriage counselor and actually implement for more than two days in a row the suggested advice of the professional.

So I'm trying to think positive today that when he gets home he'll have left his work at work.  I don't care how late he comes home I'll keep his dinner warm for him while he tries to leave all finished and unfinished business at work where it belongs.   Civilians live here and sleep here and we don't take orders from folks in uniform unless it is under dire circumstances.  Maybe that sounds harsh but I'm trying to keep a peace zone in my home.  A stress free zone.  A happy zone.  Oh and I know that it doesn't fully work unless all parties are willing to make it work.

Must think positive.  Keep smile on face, find many reason to laugh and many reasons to thank God today for everyone and every blessing in my life.

The Dinner

While reading The Dinner by Herman Koch I thought about what it must be like to suffer from an unnamed disease that could put you out of work for a long period of time.  Then I realized that I am out of work, and can't work in a traditional setting or in a job that I'm trained for because I do have a debilitating disease.

I may not suffer like the main character who is full of hatred that borders on and sometimes crosses over into violence.  However, I do suffer in pain and often silence unable to get treatment or find a cure to the pain I suffer with each day.

Because I am undergoing infertility treatments I have to be extra careful with what medicines that I take.  Who knows I might just fall pregnant unexpectedly; as if that would actually happen.

I do have an outlet for my verbal garbage and hostility towards my disabilities.  I utilize the blog in which I'm writing this very post.  My blog has become my voice to the world since often I have to sensor what I say to others that I speak to face-to-face.  Being polite and politically correct really does suck when I am in pain.  There are days that I would just love to yell at the person next to me to stop complaining because they are able to have kids, they are able to run or they are just plain able to do things that I can not do.  I am not asking them to make exceptions for me but to just stop complaining about the little things in life that they should be thankful for.  Next time you have to pick up your child's mess from making a fridge art  be thankful that you have that mess in your life as some of us would love to have that mess and that piece of child's art.

I have learned to live with my limitations but I don't have to like the limitation.  The limitations don't make who I am, I make who I am.

This post was inspired by The Dinner, a novel by Herman Koch. Two brothers and their wives sit down for a tension filled dinner to discuss a tragedy that can change both families’ lives forever. Join From Left to Write on October 29 as we discuss The Dinner.  As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Blanket No. 3

I finally finished the third blanket for the  wounded warriors program here at JBLM.  I make one a year because my carpal tunnel pain is bad.  The blanket is now sitting in the FRG office for distribution.

This year I did a large throw in granny squares.

Fits across the top of my queen bed.

Blurry photo

Another blurry photo.  I think you all get the idea of what it looks like.

Suppression Lab Results

I got my lab report back late yesterday afternoon.  I wouldn't have had the results at all if I hadn't of called my local clinic.

Putting the phone on speaker so that my friend, TM, could hear the nurse we got the excuse that the doctor that ordered the labs wasn't on that day so that they wouldn't have gotten notice of the labs at all.   I swear my local, Army, clinic is full of excuses as to why they are lazy.

Every time I have lab work I make a note of which doctor is listed on my lab papers.  I ask each time I have an appointment which doctors are on duty that day.  When I see the doctor in my room I make sure to remind him and the nurse that I need the information from the labs sent over to PNW!  They say they will do that too.  There are no excuse for this level of incompetence!

E2 (estrogen) 10.7  anything under 50 is suppressed

TSH was 3.14 down 0.5 from last month of 3.19

TSH is not down enough.  I am to double my 25 mcg dosage to 50 mcg daily until the Beta.

Reduced Lupron to 5 units daily.

Applied 2 Alora patches today.

Had to email PNW that I will need a new script as I after counting my pills on hand and noting that it is a 90 day script which means the pharmacy will not refill it until near 90 days I won't have enough.

Oh and that donor embryo I'm getting, well the couple that used them or I should say had them made from his sperm and a donor's eggs put back only two embryo and ended up with triplets.  Yes one of the embryos split.  So that is the reason my clinic, PNW, is so confident I have a really good chance at pregnancy this cycle.  I'm putting back one donor embryo and one embryo of my husband's gametes and a donor egg.  Hoping at least one sticks.

Next scan in two weeks.

Suppression Scan FET No. 2

I'm still waiting on the blood results of the E2 (estrogen) and thyroid levels.  Most likely those will be back later this afternoon.  However, I did go to the RE clinic at Madigan.

Dr. Chow denied that he saw me last month.  Maureen pulls open my chart and says that it states that he did see me.  So that is how the appointment started off.  Ugh!

Insert wand.  Lining is now 3.7 mm.  Okay that is a good thing which means I'm almost done bleeding.

Right ovary.  Ah crap 15 mm cyst.

Left ovary.  Mega crap.  I have a 4+ CM fluid filled cyst sitting behind the ovary.  Great!

Last month it was 5 cm so the good part is that it shrank a bit.

Howver, Dr. Chow still thinks that the E2 levels will come back to show that I'm suppressed.  He thinks that they'll still be able to proceed with the FET as planned.

I really hope Dr. Chow is right.


I did ask him about doing a drop of HCG at the time of transfer.  I know that he isn't doing the transfer but that PNW is doing that part.  He said that there is no evidence to show that it works.  Yes, I did tell him that it worked for a friend of mine.  I said what clinic in CA and he gave a sneer at that little mention.  Looked like he wanted to make a comment, not a nice one, about that clinic.

This morning I did email my nurse at PNW to beg ask if we could do the HCG drop.  I'm not a betting person but I can almost bet that they will again say "no".  I'll be shocked if they decide to do that little bit for my piece of mind.

ICLW October

Hello to everyone from ICLW.

Right now I'm on CD 2 of a new cycle and mid deep in Lupron injections.

Tomorrow is my suppression scan.  Really hoping I'm suppressed.  If I am then on Wednesday I'll be starting the estrogen patches.  I detest them because the adhesive makes me so itchy and I end up with a rash.

If all goes well I'll be transferring two embryos, one of which is a donor embryo around mid November.

Puzzled

With the help of my friend and neighbor TM the puzzle that is missing a piece is finished.  TM would come over often during J's absence, he's been away for training and still is, and help me put in the pieces.  I think I'll pass this gem on to my cousins.
Putting together puzzles helps me get lost in time, feel like I'm getting something accomplished, and keep what little sanity I have left while on hormones.

Oh and hello CD 1.  Hoping you'll be the last one I see until late next Summer.

Amazon Stalker

Wow, I'm just so amazed that one not so favorable feedback I left for an accessory could make someone go so crazy.  Hmmm...maybe this is why I don't shop very much or often.

Recently I won a home pride contest and the prize I chose was a Galaxy Tab 2.  Cool little thing, convenient too.  But I need things for it.  One of which was a card reader.  Easiest place to go would be Amazon I thought.  Never had a problem with any of the sellers until now.

The seller didn't like my feedback.
The seller called me four times.
The seller has emailed me at least six times.

The last email the seller said that since I'm in the USA that next year she is going to meet with me.  Um, no thanks.

I have contacted Amazon four times now about this seller and they said they will take care of it.  This last time I spoke with a nice lady on the phone and I tried hard to joke about this while I read aloud the numerous emails from seller so that they understood how serious this issue is.  Hopefully the seller will stop bothering me.

I've asked the seller to stop calling me.  I've emailed the seller twice telling her that I won't change my feedback.  Amazon has policy that they cited to me that says a seller cannot ask you to change your feedback because it is a violation of their whatever it is which could cause the seller to have their account shut down.

I realize we all need to earn a living.  I have crafting shop.  I know how much negative feedback can ruin someone's day but to call me long distance from Hong Kong four times is just nuts!  The product cost only $5.99!

The seller just needs to let it go already.

DAR

I'm taking the leap into the pot.  I'll be finding out where I can find and purchase the 25% minimum rag content paper for the application for the Daughters of the American Revolution.

Years ago, last century actually, I was deep into doing genealogy.  My grandmother, paternal, asked me back then if I wanted to join the DAR.  I considered it but never got around to it.  In memory of my grandmother who died 11 years ago this week  I will now start the application.

I have two ancestors that I qualify under for the DAR, possibly more.  First one is Captain Samuel Wolcott the other being Private Zebulon Pierce.  However, I won't be submitting the application or fee until this government shut down is over.  I'm not going to put out the funds for something so personal right now that I could possibly be needing to put food on the table with later on.  At almost $150 for the application fee of which $75 is non-refundable it will have to wait.

I want to join the DAR not because of the prestige but because they do so much for so many.  Read here about the DAR and what they do.

For now I'll print out the application on cheap recycled paper and fill it in with my notes.  Later I'll type in the information and make a copy of my birth certificate.  When the time comes to have it printed on the good paper I'll make sure to get all copies of everything notarized where applicable.  Hopefully the JAG clerk will have clean hands when handling the expensive paper.  I realize working with leaky ink pens all day can make one heck of a mess out of documents and hands.

I'm excited at this prospect.  I love doing genealogy when I get a spare chance.

Christmas Shopping Again

I haven't done much Christmas shopping yet this year.  Well okay I did buy for all the women in the family back in May I think.  But now I have all the guys to buy for.  I did find a great place to purchase much of the stuff today with the exception of my father who is so particular I'll have to find him a gift that I can send that will fit in a box in my price range.

So I geeked out a bit with the gifts today.  I even purchased a gift for my husband from Bugsy.  Yes, my kitty is giving his daddy a gift this year.  Oooh I wonder if I can find a kitty's first Christmas ornament?  I might have to make one.

I will still have to purchase a gift card for one male and some white elephant gifts as well if that party is to be held this year.   I don't go overboard on any gift for any holiday or birthday.  We as a society don't value things the way we should and it becomes a tragedy of gifts given in good will that are just re-gifted or disposed of without any thought to how much the person giving it took time and energy to give that gift in the first place.

Besides it isn't your birthday it is Christ's birthday! or at least I'm thinking that as the ingrate gives me that "meh" look and puts the gift aside to open another one.

There is only one thing that I really want this year for Christmas.  I'm sure a few of you can guess.

The Funeral Dress

I have to say that though I'm not a Southerner I could still identify with this book by Susan Gregg Gilmore because I have lived that small town life.   I grew up in a town with a population that in 2010 was only 1,545.  Yes, quite small.

We had one Sugar Creek at the top of the road and one small gas and grocery at the other end of the street with miles of road in between the two stores.   Street lights were found only in the village and when it got dark it was dark but I still felt safe walking in the middle of the night.


I've walked seven miles to school without getting mugged.  I've gone to the local farm stand two streets up, not blocks mind you, and got some local grown, before the term "organic" was used, produce.

Small town life was wonderful in that I knew almost everyone in my community.  I would ride the bus to school knowing that at least a few of my cousins were on the same bus as me and could be counted as friends.

But there was the dark side to small town life.  If one didn't conform to what was expected of one the small town could be suffocating.  Everyone was in your business.   Everyone wanted to have a say in what you were doing.  More times than I care to remember my father would remind me to keep my mouth shut about what happened behind our front door.  It was no one's business what we did he'd tell me.

Sometimes a small town will turn its back on you when you need it most unless you are a chance for them to redeem themselves and prove that they are better than you.  Yes, I'm talking about charity.  For some folks accepting charity comes with swords that have to be swallowed.  It is like taking money from a friend that says I'll lend it to you but then it has so many conditions with that lending you'd rather not take it all.  The lender always wants something in return, be it interest, an award from the community for being the best person to lend a hand,or quite possibly your child in the case of this book.

True kindness is a gift.  It isn't charity in which someone usually walks away feeling like they've just changed your life for the better while the other party walks away feeling guilty because they had a need they couldn't take care of on their own.  Some small towns really do take care of their own with true gifts of kindness but it is rare.  Gone are the days of Mayberry.

No one has ever entrusted impoverished Emmalee with anything important but she takes it upon herself to sew her mentor’s resting garment in The Funeral Dress by Susan Gregg Gilmore. Join From Left to Write on September 15 as we discuss The Funeral Dress.  As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Calendar Check

I start the Lupron on Sunday 13 Oct.
22 Oct I have my ultrasound to see if I'm suppressed.
5 November is my lining check.
Sometime after that about 7 days give or take a day I'll be doing the embryo transfer.

I would have posted a photo of my calendar but I'm so used to this now that the all the novelty has worn off.

Don't get me wrong I'm still very hopeful but I'm just not all dancing in my chair right now either.  I'm tired.  I've been bleeding for 13 days all while on birth control.  If you have been following me since the beginning you'll know that I don't respond well to hormones.  To the bleeding while on birth control all I can say is Meh.

Days Passing By

While J is away I've been trying to keep my sanity.  Today my RE office called to let me know I could go pick up a script that they just got in.  Nothing major just the prenatal vitamins.  I really don't feel like leaving the house today so I won't.  This is my second day of not having to leave the house to drive some place and I'm enjoying the bit of a break.

J left last week, middle of the week, and I've been driving all over since he left.  My days are so run together that I can't remember what I got accomplished on what day now.

My typical day is this while he is away:
0130 hrs in bed finally to sleep
0300 hrs up to pee
0430 hrs or slightly before - up to take meds
0600 hrs up again to pee
0830 hrs to take more meds
1000 hrs finally drag myself out of bed to pee, wash, and get dressed
1030 hrs scoop liter box, become slave to new cat, try to get work done including online shop
1230 hrs oh yeah I forgot to eat didn't I.  Time to eat.
1430 hrs after dishes are done, laundry started, housework middle of completion become slave to cat again.
1730 hrs realize I should make dinner
1800 hrs cat says he wants dinner now  feed Bugsy now inside
1815 hrs feed stray cat outside
1900 hrs read for a bit then computer time with the hopes of catching my husband online

Now what J has been doing in photographs.  I am assuming I can put the photos here as they were on facebook already along with their time table so I can't really consider it an OPSEC violation if they are already that public.

Kind of self explanatory with all the photos.  He set up tents, dug firing positions, stood guard duty, taught map reading, received a medal, goes to work in his MOS, back to guard duty and somewhere in all that he gets some sleep and food before  his day starts all over again.  Mind you he doesn't have a tent to sleep in but that is okay because quite a few others don't have tents either with the ground being too hard to put in regular tent pegs.  I can assure you he still has shelter to sleep in, just not the conventional tent kind.

Reasons Mommy Drinks

After reading Reasons Mommy Drinks I'm almost afraid to have children as I may never want to be sober!  But in all seriousness I do want children I just don't have any yet.

There are days that I dream about stepping over, not on, obstacles that my child might leave in the middle of a room when the power goes out.  I dream of being that super mom that doesn't lose her temper and just grins and bears it.  Did I mention I dream of that?  Oh I know from all the years of babysitting and seeing my friends become mothers that it just won't be the way I had envisioned.

Sometimes before bed I love to regale my husband on what I hope to have in a child.  I hope that my child learns to be creative and I know it will be messy but I hope it won't use its own poo to paint with unlike the horror stories my parents told me that their parents told them of what they did as babies.

I hope that my child will want to have me read bedtime stories to it.  But I also hope that we won't be stuck on board books for five years.  No I'm hoping that my child will let me read adventure stories to it without all the pictures stunting their imaginations.

Talking to my spouse I tell him that I know my child won't be perfect and I'll try to be ready when the child brings home a less than perfect report card.  I know that grounding never helped me learn anything except that my parents were ignorant about the subject in which I was failing.  How the heck is "go to your room and study" going to help a child that doesn't understand what they are studying in the first place.  I want to be that mom that understands that a low grade means that maybe, just maybe, my child doesn't get the subject matter and might need someone to help them understand it better.

Oh and I will be one of those parents that limits television time.  My parents did just that very thing.  Though I think it wasn't that they were worried about my brain development, attention span, or eyesight but more likely the cost of the electric bill and wanting more alone time.  I grew up with the "go outside and play" parents.  Little did they know I was swinging from trees, digging holes in their woods, and have fires in the underground pit my friends and I dug.  Okay so some of my childhood was pretty darn great when I got away from the television.

I look forward to some day having a child.  Until I do have a child, "Cheers!".

As a member of From Left To Write I received a free copy of this book to read and blog about.  All opinions expressed in this blog are my own.  You can purchase a copy of Reasons Mommy Drinks by clicking on the link in this sentence.

Bugsy

Okay exciting news!  No I'm not pregnant, yet.

I got the cat to the vet today.  He, yup it is a he, is chipped.  They looked up his chip and called the first owner.  The cat's name is Bugsy.

The first owner got him when he was just 5 weeks old.  She had him until this year when her twins developed an allergy to the cat.  Just something that I am afraid of too if I have a baby.  I mean I remember well how upset my dad was when he found out I'm allergic to dogs.

Bugsy is approximately 3 years old.  I spoke directly with the first owner and we created a birth date of 1 June 2010 for him.

The first owner did adopt him out to a Pets-mart but the next owner never registered the cat on the installation or with the microchip company.  Not once did I see a Craig's list posting for this cat or bookoo or posters on the mail boxes.

The cat was malnourished too.

Thankfully Bugsy doesn't mind car rides all that much as I will be taking him in to the Vet's office for vaccinations in November.  He is already up to date on his shots for this year and neutered.  The first owner had him vaccinated for rabies and distemper in May but in order to properly register him with housing I have to get the shots done for record keeping.

After I got the cat home I went to the Exchange and got more litter, cat food, toys, a bigger kennel, catnip, treats and totally forgot the scratching post!  I'm not too worried since he only claws at my cheap carpets but it is a habit I'd rather he didn't get into.  So I guess I'll be going back in a day or so to get him a scratching post.

Working Out Some Calendar Kinks

Just spoke with my nurse at PNW.  The doctor wanted to keep me on 6 weeks of bcp.  Ugh!  NO!

I'm so nauseated, having acid reflux really bad too, that I don't want to eat because of the bcp.  So noted and they'll bump up the FET.

With any luck I'll start the Lupron in about a week or two and have a transfer before Thanksgiving.  As it stands the schedule would have me doing the transfer the first week of December.  So maybe mid November a transfer is possible.

The fax machine at my local RE office is now kaput.  They were hoping that the budget would have passed and they would have purchased a new one.  So now all the formally faxed orders will have to be email to the IVF nurse coordinator at the local office.

One of the reasons PNW wanted to push for a second bcp pack was that they misunderstood our schedule and thought J would be out of town for the month of November.  He'll be here in garrison.  Now that they know that they are more than happy to fix the calendar.