Letting It All Hang Out

I weighed myself today.  This will most likely be my own pre-PUPO weight.  Sure I'll weigh myself tomorrow but I have my doubts about losing any more.  However, if the weight goes up or down tomorrow I'll post about it and the FET when I'm up to it and the Valium has worn off.

Tomorrow is the big day. 

Today I weighed in at 210.8 lbs.  Still category 1 Obese.  But my BMI is now 32.9 for my height of 67 inches.

The day I signed my papers at PNW for this FET I weighed 223.6 lbs that morning at home on 6 March.  Some how with all the hormone treatments I've been doing I've managed to lose almost 13 pounds.  It hasn't been easy.

I splurged this past weekend.  My final weekend of being able to eat what I wanted without fear of doing damage to any potential embryo.

In 36 hours I ate the following foods I'll have to forgo or at least in the amounts I ate and we all know deli meats are out of the picture unless hot:

• almost a full order of Papa John's plain bread sticks.
• chocolate ganache
• prosciutto wrapped Gorgonzola stuffed chicken breast in a golden raisin reduction sauce with a side of mashed potatoes
• chocolate covered thick ridged potato chips; the entire 4 serving bag
• potato salad
• Deli turkey breast on whole wheat bread with cranberry cream cheese on it.  It was really good.
• yogurt covered peanut clusters.  Talk about a sugar rush.

So yes I made a pig of myself and gained 2.6 pounds in 36 hours.  I lost it again but I hated the weight gain.  I hated myself for wanting to splurge.  But I knew that I wouldn't be able to touch most of those foods again for quite a while.  I'm not supposed to be eating chocolate because of my GERD.

I'm sure had I not indulged while on the mini holiday last weekend I would have lost more weight.  Oh well.

I'm still giving myself the PIO shots.  This morning I scratched the skin while removing the needle.  That bled a bit.

So there I let my weight, incompetence with this mornings injection and my food addiction all out in the open.

Just so you can guess what I look like, I still look like this:

This is a photo I took of myself just before the second IVF.  I've lost the weight and look like this again being a size 14 again.  Some day I'll be a size 8 again.

Two More Days

Two more days.

Two more progesterone shots.

Two more Alora patches.

The embryo transfer is almost here!

To keep myself sane until then I'm busily making baby booties for my Etsy shop.  Today I listed the preemie to newborn size pink booties.  I had promised myself that I wouldn't make more stuff for my shop until I got settled at the new duty station.  Now that it has been put off for a year I'm not waiting.  New stuff is going to get made.

Third becomes the Fourth

This morning I was supposed to double the dosage of my PIO shot.  J promised to remind me. 

He didn't.

I had to give myself a second shot this morning to get the full dose.  Mind you this is at 0430 hrs.  I'm tired.  I'm cranky and the last thing I want to do is screw up my dosage.

J has his own printed calendar of my medications readily available. 

I got an "I'm sorry" after I dragged it out of him.  He doesn't like to admit when he is wrong.  He doesn't like to think he is to blame.  He stands there every morning to make sure I do the shot right.  Well he could have told me when I was drawing up the medicine that I needed to draw up more.  Or maybe he didn't care?  Maybe he likes causing me pain in the morning because he has to be up too.  All I know is that he made my ass sore by forgetting the increase in dosage.  Seriously if he is going to monitor my shots shouldn't he remind me?  I'm very forgetful and I have a good excuse for the forgetfulness....FIBROMYALGIA!

Sorry had to rant.  I went back to bed at 0500 hrs with a sore ass.  I administered the second shot near the first because I only wanted half the ass to hurt.  Does that make things half-assed today; sure seems like it in more than one way.

By the way I'm getting really good at giving myself the injections.  Only a tiny bead of blood after massaging in the medicine.  I think the massaging made it sore because the needle I barely felt.  Or maybe it was just my disposition that was sore this morning after two hours sleep.  Insomnia has set in.

Go Fly A Kite

 

I did it myself.

J watched yesterday as I gave myself the first of many PIO shots.  I gave myself this morning's injection too.  The small free standing magnifying mirror I have helped to see if I was getting any blood or not.

And now this is what we did yesterday in Port Townsend:

J is actually pretty skinny.  The vest is hiding his shoulder harness and handgun.  Plus all the pockets are great to hold my camera and the shells I collect from the beach.

Oh what is that in his hand?

No News

Nothing really important to post today.

Nothing new happened over the weekend.

Basic symptoms from the endometrin.  Pick one I've probably got it now or had it somewhere along the past 5 days.

I have physical therapy later today for my left ankle.  Because I've been staying off it as much as possible it isn't really hurting all that much.  Some biting pain from time to time.  I can only imagine how it will probably be sore today when I'm done with my session.

I'll have to remember to tell my therapist that I need to be careful right now.  My pelvic region has been particularly achy of late.  Especially the right side.  Hopefully I'm not growing another ovarian cyst.

I also need to be careful not to get up too quickly or make fast turns with my head.  Endometrin is adding to the Meniere's dizzy spells.

My weight has been see-sawing.  I lost an initial 1.6 pounds from the HCG shot only to gain it back two days later.  I'm guessing by now it is out of my system but I'd rather wait to do a home test.  Not sure when I'll do it if I do it at all.  Next week Tuesday is my beta.

It really is too early to "feel" pregnant.  Most women don't get real symptoms, you know the gals that don't have to take a butt-load of hormones (PIO shot joke), until about the 6th week at the earliest.

I am really tired too.  I'm yawning when I wake up.  By 1630 hrs I'm ready for sleep.  I force myself to stay up until 2200 hrs so that I don't wake up too often during the night except to pee.

  Kissing ball...love it or hate it?

Extra Extra

I found out just exactly what is going to change this time in my protocol.  Well I knew some of it before but not all of it until yesterday.

I will not be doing the PIO injections because J won't be around to give them to me.   I'll be doing the Endometrin suppositories.

I will be doing two shots daily of the micro dose Lupron.

I will be doing 525 of the Gonal-f this time instead of the 450 dose I did last IVF cycle.  This means an extra injection each night.  Since I put J in charge of this particular shot I don't think he is going to like knowing he'll have to give me extra.

So at my peak its going to be 5 injections daily.  Think I might take up a second job as a sieve.  I bet I could process water pretty quickly with all those puncture holes.  Yes, I know that won't happen but I will be all the more bruised this time around.

In other news, though Dr.C. said I won't have a bleed with a lining of only 4.2 mm; guess what he is wrong.  Maybe its just from all the poking around he did yesterday, it was pretty painful, but I'm bleeding like I'm having a period.  Maybe he just shook loose some of the endometriosis.  All I know is that I nearly crushed J's hand yesterday from the pain and the pain is pretty intense today as well.

Accepting The Side Effects

I'm cranky right now.  Oh, yes its the PIO shot causing the mood.  But its not just because of the injection its because I finally read through the list of side effects.  No, not the side effect to me but to the unborn child.

What I want to know is why didn't my doctor tell me that the baby could be harmed?

The following information is copied directly from the information booklet of my Progesterone box.

WARNINGS:
     The use of progestational drugs during the first four months of pregnancy is not recommended.  Progestational agents have been used beginning with the first trimester of pregnancy in attempts to prevent abortion but there is no evidence that such use is effective.  Furthermore, the use of progestational agents, with their uterine-relaxant properties, in patients with fertilized defective ova may cause a delay in spontaneous abortion. 
     Several reports suggest an association between intrauterine exposure to progestational drugs in the first trimester of pregnancy and genital abnormalities in male and female fetuses.  (it goes on here to describe the abnormalities and lets just say that I wouldn't wish it up on my kid)  There are insufficient data to quantify the risk to exposed female fetuses, but insofar as some of these- drugs induce mild virilzation of the external genitalia of the female fetus, and because of the increased association of the hypospadia in the male fetus, it is prudent to avoid the use of these drugs during the first trimester of pregnancy. 

Then we get into the carcinogenic, and impairment of fertility part.
Long-term intramuscular administration of Medroxy-progesterone acetate (MPA) has been shown to produce mammary tumors in beagle dogs.  (should I be thankful I'm not a dog?)

Okay so the impairment of fertility isn't so bad since its temporary according to this and should stop when treatment is stopped.  Any one remember the depo shot?  A fellow blogger, Bleeding Tulip today just reported that it seems to be the cause of her infertility.  So I am a bit worried since it is basically the same stuff being an MPA.

I'm okay with it causing a rise in my already high blood pressure. I was warned that all my infertility treatments were going to do just that.  My cardiologist understood and opted to increase my dosage of my labetalol by doubling the amount I used to take.  I now take 200mg 2 times a day.

So I just have to be concerned with cancer in my boobs, and a few other things.  Like what you ask?  Let me tell you what else.

Cerebral thrombosis and embolism, neuro-ocular lesions, e.g. retinal thrombosis and optic neuritis.  Hey wait a minute I'm predispostioned to getting optic neuritis with my dad having it in both eyes.  I guess its a good thing that I already have Optic Disc Drusen, so does this mean I'll get both?  Probably not.

This is just a blog posting about me accepting all the side effects of the current medication to keep this baby in me.  I just hope that it doesn't screw the kid up and its born healthy.  I just hope that it is still in there attaching itself to my uterine lining.  Symptoms point to yes as the pain is now only located in the uterus and no longer in the ovaries.  Its only small twinges too.  I'm wondering though why they even prescribed it if they knew it could do this to a fetus.  Maybe its because I had the eggs retrieved and there is no corpus luteum to help keep the baby hostage errr...I mean keep it in my womb until its fully cooked.  Wait that doesn't sound much better either. 

Cooking Day

Yum.  I'm baking cookies today.  Not just any cookies but a limited edition cookie.

Nestle'  Tollhouse has a limited edition dark chocolate and mint chip bag out right now and I bought a bag.  I can't wait to try out the recipe on the back for Mint Chocolate Delights

My husband can't wait to get his lips around these cookies either.  While I realize that not all the soldiers at the COF will be there to enjoy cookie day tomorrow the rest will finally get a chance to chow down on my cookies.  Seems like that when I make 5 dozen cookies its never enough and the container always empties out about an hour before the end of the day leaving someone without the chance to get a cookie.

So today I'm trying a new recipe.  It does make only 4 dozen but like I said not as many soldiers will be there tomorrow.  I have hope that the ones that want a cookie will find these as delicious as the previous cookie days.

This morning I awoke not just to nausea, no I went to bed with it too last night.  I'm giving up on my stomach.  But I was able to still make J his bacon and eggs for breakfast.  I don't often cook breakfast for my soldier because he is usually in such a hurry.

He asked me, "so why did you make me breakfast?".

I replied, "Well you helped me out."

He said, "I did?".

I replied, "Yes, you gave me my injection this morning.".

He said, "I'd hardly call give you a shot in the ass helping you out, but okay.".

I guess he forgets that its nigh impossible for me to reach around, pull the skin taught, and injection the PIO (progesterone) into my own butt cheek.  Sure I prep the shot each morning by drawing the 1ml out of the bottle with the 18 gauge then switch out the needle to the 22 gauge at 0500hrs.  But really the hard part is what he has to do and I know he doesn't like to inflict pain upon me, even if it is my hard butt.  Yes I have a hard bottom.  I've fallen often enough on it to toughen it up over the years. 

So making him bacon and eggs was just to show that I love him and am thankful to have him in my life.  Oh and I was in a good mood, almost crying with happiness type tears.  Lovely hormones.

Now I'm off to go start those cookies that I promised I'd make.  Maybe I'll have time to knit some more on my newest blanket and read a few more chapters in the book I'm almost finished reading.  I love to take a book into the bath with me.