Where There Is Hope There Is Joy

I have noticed that when I have hope I'm always filled with joy.  Because of late that I have hope that I'll create a baby, and a take home one if I'm lucky, I'm filled with the joy that just spills over into other areas of my life.

I'm feeling love.  I'm giving love.  I smile more.  Now I have a chance.

For those that were curious as to my E2 numbers on Friday, I found out last night for you.  I really had forgotten to ask about the E2 given the state of the follicles as they are more important when it comes down to it.  But my E2 as of Friday after 4 days of stims were 1900, we didn't check it on Saturday.

Yesterday was my last Lupron shot.  I administered it to myself.  J gave me the IM HCG last night.  Of course the required test was positive this morning.  I have hope that it won't be the only positive one before the beta.

Oh yes, I'm going to POAS before the Beta.  I want to know if I have something growing in there.

Tomorrow at 0730 hrs is the egg retrieval.  We will be doing a three day transfer due to my age.  I was hoping that maybe we'd get to 5 days but Dr. C. thinks 3 days with the assisted hatching will be fine.

So I have hope that I will have enough to get one embryo to stay put this time.

Oh and because I do have hope I bought the above bead for my bracelet today.  I have so much hope that J and I were talking about a second child using donor eggs next time.  It would still be his biologically and a half to our one we created together.  I'm fine with that.  My clock would get reset.  I wouldn't need the stim shots either which is a bonus.

This will be our last IVF with my eggs.  With my estrogen counts this high after just four days of stims I'd hate to see how bad it will be next time.

I bought some heavy weight military boot socks for the treatments.  I'm going to use a sharpie to decorate them.  Oh and if I get my husband to remember he'll take pictures tomorrow of the socks on my feet and us together with me in my gown.

Wish us luck.

Its All Here

Finally the rest of the medicine arrived today.  I was waiting on the micro dose Lupron to arrive via Fed Ex.  Now all my meds that need to be in the fridge are in the fridge and the rest are on a shelf in the dining room where I do my injections.  The micro dose Lupron is in the bin on the left, but the Menopur basically hides it.

My husband is home today and was there when the Fed Ex truck arrived with my medicine.  I was a bit surprised at how big the box was for such a small bottle.  It came in a small cooler which wasn't a surprise but the sharps container and the needles were a nice bonus.  We used an old 2 liter soda bottle for the last needle disposal.  I still have plenty of room in the bottle for this round of injections.  Why would I think to not use the sharps disposal this time?  Well I don't know really but since I already have a disposal container going why bother to start another one is what I'm figuring.

In about two weeks I start my first round of injections for this cycle.  Since we are doing the micro dose of Lupron I'll be starting with the shots on the 14th of January after my first suppression scan.  I'm kind of worried about starting so late with the shots as I'm an early ovulater.

Originally I would have started the Lupron regular dosage on the 1st of January, the same day my husband is going to take his antibiotics.  I have to say, "Yay", to not having to take as many shots though in the end it will even out since I'll be doing two shots of the micro dose Lupron daily when I do start them.

Another difference this time around will be that I won't be doing the PIO shots either.  No, its not because of the pain as they really didn't hurt my hard ass except when J forgot to let the alcohol dry fully before stabbing me with the needle...that hurt!  But its because J is going to be taking on several new hats with being on Rear Detachment for this deployment.  This means he won't be around and if he deploys soon he definitely won't be around to give me the shots either.  We opted to go with the endometrin suppositories this time.  I guess I'll be stocking up on panty liners next time I go shopping.  Better yet I'll buy the super long size from online and skip the odd looks at the grocery store check out line.

So now I'll go do some research to find the best online deals on pantyliners.  We'll see if buying on line saves me money or if the embarrassment of buying them by the case at a store is worth the savings.

CD 19 10DPO

I'm waiting for answers as its now CD19 10DPO.  I'm seeing just the control line on the HPT.  Yes, I know its really early still.  I know that I shouldn't be testing at all until CD25 or 26 but I can't wait.

I'll let you guys determine in your minds my possible outcome.

Here are my symptoms:

• Breasts are so sore that a hug good bye last night, while wearing my winter coat almost brought tears to my eyes.  They are swollen, heavy, really heavy and even the blanket hurts when I sleep.  Bending over makes them move in my bra and it hurts.
• I had pink spotting for a minute just after midnight when it became 9DPO.  Nothing since.
• I've been getting uterine twinges of pain since 8DPO through yesterday.  
• Forgetfulness.  
• Dizziness
• Nausea
• Fatigue, I've been yawning sleepy for a few days starting about 1400 hrs and onward.
• Bloat.  My 14's are tight enough with just 1 pound of weight gain in a week.  I'm back in my 16's.  Oh no wait gain from yesterday's feasting either, I gained the one pound slowly over the week with no change in weight from Wednesday to Friday.
• Slight irritability but its due to the other conditions because I can't get comfortable.
• Headache
• Sensitivity to smells.  Ugh unwashed body near me yesterday almost made me puke.

I'm sure all of the above can be attributed to PMS and other issues I have.  I know the ovary pain when I have an involuntary stretch is a real killer on the left side.  The left ovary I ovulated from this cycle.  So if I'm not pregnant this is going to suck with an ever increasing cyst.  I've had them before. The 9 CM cyst from hell.

I have to pick up my IVF meds soon.  I was going to pick them up and store them in the fridge but if I'm pregnant I'm not going to need them so why bother?  I'll know soon enough when the red witch shows up to curse me once again.

According to my IVF calendar I don't start the birth control until the 18th of December and I have three packs on hand here; so there is really no need to go pick up my medicine from the pharmacy this very day.  I can wait a week or two or three since I won't be starting the injections until around the 11th or 12th of January.  Might as well keep the fridge for food and not drugs as long as possible.

Besides its a holiday weekend and my spouse has it off.  Might as well spend some time with my soldier.

Now if anyone has any guesses, its still really hard to tell, put them below in the comments.  I'm not going to yell at you if you were wrong.  Remember I'm not a spring chicken in the IF world so its not like I have a high probability of getting pregnant.  I'm not lucky enough to be blessed with Michelle Duggar's fertility.

Cooking Day

Yum.  I'm baking cookies today.  Not just any cookies but a limited edition cookie.

Nestle'  Tollhouse has a limited edition dark chocolate and mint chip bag out right now and I bought a bag.  I can't wait to try out the recipe on the back for Mint Chocolate Delights

My husband can't wait to get his lips around these cookies either.  While I realize that not all the soldiers at the COF will be there to enjoy cookie day tomorrow the rest will finally get a chance to chow down on my cookies.  Seems like that when I make 5 dozen cookies its never enough and the container always empties out about an hour before the end of the day leaving someone without the chance to get a cookie.

So today I'm trying a new recipe.  It does make only 4 dozen but like I said not as many soldiers will be there tomorrow.  I have hope that the ones that want a cookie will find these as delicious as the previous cookie days.

This morning I awoke not just to nausea, no I went to bed with it too last night.  I'm giving up on my stomach.  But I was able to still make J his bacon and eggs for breakfast.  I don't often cook breakfast for my soldier because he is usually in such a hurry.

He asked me, "so why did you make me breakfast?".

I replied, "Well you helped me out."

He said, "I did?".

I replied, "Yes, you gave me my injection this morning.".

He said, "I'd hardly call give you a shot in the ass helping you out, but okay.".

I guess he forgets that its nigh impossible for me to reach around, pull the skin taught, and injection the PIO (progesterone) into my own butt cheek.  Sure I prep the shot each morning by drawing the 1ml out of the bottle with the 18 gauge then switch out the needle to the 22 gauge at 0500hrs.  But really the hard part is what he has to do and I know he doesn't like to inflict pain upon me, even if it is my hard butt.  Yes I have a hard bottom.  I've fallen often enough on it to toughen it up over the years. 

So making him bacon and eggs was just to show that I love him and am thankful to have him in my life.  Oh and I was in a good mood, almost crying with happiness type tears.  Lovely hormones.

Now I'm off to go start those cookies that I promised I'd make.  Maybe I'll have time to knit some more on my newest blanket and read a few more chapters in the book I'm almost finished reading.  I love to take a book into the bath with me.

Embryo Update: Day 2

Photo of my morning injection of progesterone.  I have to say that the shot initially doesn't hurt but by night time my arse was aching!  Okay the right butt cheek is still sore so I can only imagine a pair of hurting cheeks come tonight since the left side got injected this A.M.

18 gauge needle to draw the progesterone out and a 1 1/2 inch 22 gauge needle to give me the shot.  So glad its not the 1 1/2 inch 18 gauge for the shot!

Note the bottle of used needles behind the prescription box?  Yes, we've now gone through that many needles with the injections for Project Baby.

Good news today on the embryo.  Embie made it through the night!  YAY!  Embie is now 5 cells at the second day and a grade A embryo.  Dr.C. called me with the news and said its a beautiful looking embryo and we are good to go for a transfer tomorrow.  I could hear the glee in my doctor's voice.  I'm so excited too.

Tomorrow our trip out to Seattle is going to be interesting with the bladder.  I have to insert the prometrium capsule 2 hours before the procedure.  30 minutes before the transfer I have to empty my bladder and proceed to drink no less than 24 ounces of water and no more than 32 ounces in a 30 minute period so that my bladder is full again before the procedure.

Oh and the Viaduct is going to be closed so we have to leave earlier to get to Seattle.  Earlier than we had planned since I know there aren't any decent rest rooms along the interstate.

Wish us luck.

IVF Frustrations

Its been one of those kind of days and its only half over.  I didn't get to sleep last night because I let a phone call annoy me.

Stress is my enemy right now.  I don't like getting a phone call from one of my husband's co-workers especially when he berates me.  What did I do?  Well I guess I'm such a tight-wad that I won't let my husband have a new cell phone.  I explained to the man on the phone that I have no control over my husband and that he chooses to use his old trac fone because he likes it.

J has told me more than once he doesn't want a new phone because he doesn't want a leash on him.  He fears that like the rest of his co-workers he'll become addicted to the apps on the phone and not want to do anything else all day long but be a slave to it.

So I get chewed out.

Oh and get this, I have my husband explain to the neanderthal that I don't like being shouted at on the home phone and told I'm cheap.  The guy denied he ever said that and that he was just joking.  I heard no laughter in his voice.  GRRRR.

So I had a sleepless night, an argument with my spouse about how his job is leaking stress into our home life, and the fact that J screwed up a shot last night.  I swear he dumped a quarter of the menopur out of the needle.  I had to take the syringe from him and administer the shot myself.  So last night I gave myself two of the three shots.

I'm so frustrated.  I want to cry, scream, and in general have a tantrum like a 2 year old with these hormones.  Oh, but I'm not allowed to because of the stress level.

So after one hour sleep today I had my estridol level drawn.  I just hope my numbers aren't too screwed up.

I've been throwing my stress into my home projects.  Yesterday I finished the reupholstering of my computer chair seat.  As you can see from the photo it turned out well.  I even added another layer of padding and I have to say to myself, "nice job".

I even had time to strip the majority of the old finish off of the dining room table yesterday.  I added a thin layer of spray wax to hold it for a while until I get the time to strip more of it all.  Naked wood means wood can warp and I'd rather my dining room table not warp.

Today's project is just cookies.  I'm in the midst, yes while typing this, of baking chocolate chip oatmeal cookies.  Its a first for me and a request from one of my husband's co-workers.  No not the bum that called me and upset me.

I'll let you know if the cookies turn out good enough to post the recipe and a photo of cookies tomorrow.

Three Shot Night

I have to say that my produce bins in my refrigerator are not filled with fruits and vegetables but they are filled with hormones.  One day I'd like to have them filled once again with the appropriate food items.   That's not to say that the foods  on the market these days aren't filled with hormones but usually you'll not find any of those foods in my refrigerator as I've moved to organic over the course of four years.



Never in my life would I have thought I'd be looking forward to getting needles stuck in me.  But tonight I am.


The Lupron injection goes down to just 5 units tonight from the 10 units I was previously injecting.
I'm already a pro at the one shot a night and so is my husband since he's been giving me the majority of the 15 lupron shots to date.  Tonight we add two more shots to the regimen.
J isn't too happy about having to give me the Gonal F shot as he doesn't want to hurt me and is afraid he'll do just that with that particular heavy duty pen like shot.  I think perhaps I should give that shot to myself if he is so hesitant.  However, he is a soldier and will follow orders so perhaps, I have to chuckle here, if I order him to shoot me, with the needle, he will?

The Menopur is a three vial concoction for us.  We mix two of the powder with one of the sterile liquid bottle.  Using a Q cap and mixing with it seems so simple but thankfully we have a number we can call if we have questions before we mix it.

Day 3 Of Lupron Injections

Sunday night was the first night of the injections.  I managed to give myself the first injection in this IVF cycle.  It wasn't too difficult and my hands only shook a little as I was trying to draw the Lupron out of the vial.  Last night it was J's turn to give me the injection.  He was still nervous but no where as nervous as he was on Sunday night watching me stick my abdomen with the needle.  He was cringing on Sunday night. 

I offered to give him a shot but he refused.  I'm a bit evil at times considering I wanted to use the biggest needle we have on hand which would be the 18 gauge!  Oh, but the REI nurse said I could give him his antibiotic in an injection.  However, she was laughing so I think she didn't take me seriously.  Darn!

Around the 10th I'll be decreasing my current Lupron dosage to 5 units and start taking the next two medicines concurrently.  Three shots in one night sounds daunting especially since they won't all be the small insulin needles.  The Gonal-F is a big honking pen that looks like its going to hurt even if the needle is relatively small.  The Menopur has a Q-cap on it and a 25 gauge needle versus the 29 gauge needle of the insulin.  Still it beats the heck out of the progesterone which starts at an 18 gauge to draw then a 22 gauge to inject.

Now for the side effects I've been experiencing with the Lupron.  I've been flushing in the face shortly after the medicine is injected.  Forget restful sleep.  I've been getting increased nightmares the past two nights along with night sweats.  The headache is still there.  I've had increased urination at night which is causing my potassium levels to drop even more.  I have hypokalemia to start with so when I pee even more than usual I'm losing more of the potassium which will in turn cause my muscles to cramp up.  I had one hell of a charlie horse in my back last night.  Maybe I should increase my potato chip intake since potatoes are high in potassium, yes higher than bananas.

One good thing to note, no weight gain from the Lupron as of yet.  I say yet because I just started it this week and I've been told by family that has taken it that weight gain goes along with Lupron like steroids and weight gain are a pair.