Dental Work Continues

This morning I went to my dentist off post to get fitted for my night guard.  Would you believe it didn't fit.

It was more than just getting it trimmed down.  No matter what the dentist tried the thing wouldn't fit.  It was warped.

So my dentist decided to work on the high spots on my teeth where it hurts when I bite and chew.  I had many fillings put in over the last few months and she explained that when dental work is done the bite changes.  Hopefully chewing on the right side won't be so painful now.

New impressions were made of the upper and lower teeth and the tech promised the dentist she'd make the molds directly so as to prevent the impressions from being damaged.  I have no clue as to who's fault it was that the night guard was so warped.  It could have been the fact that the first impressions weren't done right, the first molds weren't done right or quite possibly the place they sent them off to didn't do the acrylic night guard in the proper environment and it warped while cooling.

I just hope that in two weeks when I have to go in yet again that it fits properly this time.  I don't think my teeth changed that much in two weeks from the last set of impressions.

I need to get this out of the way before I delve deeper into the IVF.

Oh and though my husband still hasn't  called me he was able to send me an email at 0300hrs.  I'm guessing his shift doesn't correspond to mine and he is afraid to wake me.  Thoughtful of him but I'd still love to hear his voice and it doesn't matter what time of day or night he calls as long as I hear his voice.  A middle of the night call from anyone else, of course, is always unwanted, especially the butt dialing and crank callers.

Another Night Of Restless Sleep

I think the hormones are getting to me.  I know that each cycle, at a certain point, I get nightmares.  Well, it shouldn't be happening now.  Two nights in a row of nightmares.

I woke up at one point in the early hours gripping my right bicep so hard I think I was trying to strangle it with my left hand.  I have a slight bruise on my right arm today. 

I really thought I had the PTSD under control.  I thought wrong.  Funny how hormones can bring about that which we thought we had burnt, sealed the ashes in an air tight can and dropped with an anchor to the deepest trench in the ocean. 

J can't call me right now.  Its been 11 days since I last spoke with him.  I've played his messages, from the last year, just to hear his voice.  Pitiful I know. 

Maybe in a few days he'll be able to call home again.  I cherish those 5 minute phone calls.

IVF Preparation, The Worries Begin

As most of my readers know I'm preparing for my first round of IVF.  No one said creating a baby was going to be easy when you are my age, 42.  We've been trying around his military schedule for the past 4.5 years with no luck.  We tried clomiphene citrate and sure I produced up to 6 follicles a month on the lowest dosage but still no luck.  Now its time for IVF.  Yup time to fork out the big bucks with no real idea if its going to work or not.

My first stage of IVF is the Saline Infusion Sonogram while I'm on the Levlen.  So far I'm not too pleased with the Levlen, it has extended my normal bleed time by four days.  Its been years since I've been on any form of birth control and I really can't remember it actually doing that to me but who knows, hormone levels in the body do change.  I'm also not liking the weight gain side effect.  For three days now I've been struggling to keep my weight off and its been staying the same for most of it, today I finally dropped 0.2 lbs.  Mind you I've been exercising and eating healthy because I want to get some of this tonnage off before I get pregnant.

Now back to the SIS, saline infusion sonogram, I'm not really looking forward to this test.  Oh sure it would mean I'm just that much closer to getting pregnant but really folks having my female reproductive parts probed isn't comfortable.  I have what is called a retroverted uterus.  This means that I have to go to this test with a full bladder.  Yes, a full bladder and lie on my back with my feet in the stirrups to have tubes stuck up in me.  I say tubes because as soon as this particular test is completed they are going to do the mock embryo transfer.

Right now I'm so wishing it were November and I have in my hand a stick with a positive result.  I'm not the first female to be wishing the hardest part, trying to conceive for an infertile female is the hardest part, were over.  Well maybe to some its not the hardest part but if you can't conceive then it is.  Once pregnant the new worries will kick in like; will I lose it since I'm so darn old and my risk of miscarriage is high, or will the baby be so deformed it won't live long enough to draw its first breath, or well you get the point the list goes on.  For now my main concern is getting pregnant.

Years ago, 15 to be exact, I was pregnant.  My former spouse was infertile with a low sperm count, low motility, and sperm deformity issues.  I got pregnant using clomiphene citrate but soon miscarried the twins.  We tried again and it just didn't work.  Now that egg quality is an issue I might have plenty of eggs but maybe none of them are good enough.  Its not like I can afford a donor.  An egg donor is no guarantee that the egg will hold up long enough to fertilized and survive in my uterus to full term.  I being the only biological child of my parents have no younger female sibling to beg an egg from.  Even if I did there is no guarantee she'd give me one either.

So this is how it stands for today.  I wait, I exercise, I eat healthy and keep hope that in a years time I will finally hold my baby in my arms and complain about a whole new set of issues like: breast feeding, teething, crying, and sleeping through the night.  I wouldn't mind complaining about those things, but, I just want to get that chance to complain.

Sore Feet Happy Heart

Yup, another shopping blog post. 

Okay more like a lot of window shopping, drooling over the sights and smells with a lot of walking.

I walked so much my feet are red and sore.

I walked so much that I'd better not weigh the same as I did this morning with three days at the same weight.  No, I'd better have lost a bit more.

I did make one purchase at an antique store.  I bought something for my husband.  A little something that I think might make him laugh and increase his vocabulary.

That's all I have to say.  Time to move the lawn sprinkler then put my feet up for the night.

Money Makes Madness

Ever notice that money issues make people cranky?

I've known of more than one couple, J and I included in the distant past, who have had arguments over the bills.  I've known of couples that had such money troubles as to be the cause of their divorce.

Truly money is the root of all evil.  If we didn't have money though I'm sure we'd have something else used for exchange of goods and services.

More and more our government is asking for us to give up our income, savings, 401k, and other retirement programs because it cannot balance its own budget.  It wants what we have worked so hard to get.  So now our own country is going to bed hungry when it can find a bed to sleep in.

Last night I was watching the world news from two different channels.  Two times I saw a story about the poverty of America's children.  Okay we've known for quite a while that our children are suffering.   They are going without food and clothing and often without shelter too.

So why aren't we doing something about it?  Why do I see more ads for UNICEF, or Christian Children's Fund and so on where the money doesn't stay within our country but goes to other countries?

What happened to charity starts at home?

If we know we have a problem feeding, clothing, housing and getting medical for our own youth then why the heck are we farming out our tax dollars and spare change to feed other nations?

If we don't take care of our own American children we won't have a future.  A child that goes without proper nutrition won't grow in bone or brain.  We are in fact killing our progeny.

My thoughts now go to my readers.  If you were to see a child that was dirty, cold, tired, hungry, and in general going without would you stop to help out?  Or would you instead just give your money to a foreign country?

Yes, I'm angry.  I'm tired of the greedy government giving out our tax dollars to programs that don't have squat to do with our own country.

We need to rebuild America.  We need progress in the right direction.  We should get back to the basics and realize what we need and what we want then balance the needs against the wants. 

We need to take care of our own first.  No one should go to bed hungry unless they are trying to do so to lose weight.

Sorry about the rant.

I'm Losing It

Today I weighed myself to see what I've lost in one week's time.  I decided on Wednesday mornings for my own official weigh in as I started my better eating habits two weeks ago on a Wednesday.

I'm doing good so far.  I didn't lose the 5 pounds I was hoping for but 5 pounds is a lot to lose in a week.  I did, however, lose 4.6 pounds this week.  4.6 pounds is 2.086 kilograms. 

That means that in just two weeks I've lost a total of 9.6 pounds or 4.35 kg.  Not bad at all I say.  Go Me!

Today for exercise I walked to the Madigan Medical Mall Laboratory and back again.  Its roughly a mile there and a mile back.  I could have used my bicycle but that would have meant I would have had to of added air to my bike tires.  I'm lazy today.  So I walked.  Parking at the hospital is well, interesting at best.  Often my spouse would drop me off and circle about to find a space to park.  I'll just walk it as long as the weather is fair.

The reason for the walk was the lab work blood draw.  6 vials with 9 tests in preparation for the IVF.  Oh, I still have more blood work to go through and more testing but for now I do what I can according to the calendar they sent me.

I've paid the deposit, as of this morning, for my IVF.  The full amount is due in October.  I'm still working on my parents to see if they want to contribute to their possible grandchild.  I think if a child were a definite outcome they'd be more likely to help out with the costs.  But since there is no guarantee they basically are telling me I'm on my own kid.

I did try to explain to my mom that if I can get them to help out with this IVF if it doesn't work then I'll still have enough for a possible next round which wouldn't be until next summer.  My mom had no problem getting pregnant, she was only 25 when she had me.  Some folks have it easy some, like me, don't.

Until I'm told otherwise I'm going to work hard at losing weight.  The first week was easy the second week wasn't so easy to lose the weight.  I actually had to do some exercising and cutting back on the food intake to lose what I did.  I need to get it off before I get pregnant as I'm considered obese and I'd rather have one less complication in this pregnancy.  Well hopefully there will be a pregnancy.

Shopping With My Bestie

Its a short blog posting for me.  I'm going to do some therapeutic shopping today with my bestie, S.  I just need to get out of the house.  Its been a few days since I've done just that.

I'm not sure if I'll find anything I want to purchase but the sunshine and exercise can't hurt.  It might even help my diet along a bit more as I'm just a bit under the goal of weight loss for the week. 

I doubt I can lose the rest of what I need this week in one day but its worth a try.  Yesterday I went for a 45 minute walk, I'm sure to be walking for longer than that today with S.

Where did the week go?  Can I get an extra day in there somewhere before tomorrow hits?

Off to break my fast then head out for a day of shopping.