Two Weeks Later

It has been two weeks since Little E was born and much has happened to all three of us.

Little E lost more than half a pound after being born.  However, she gained it all back with frequent feedings plus she grew an inch in length!

J has been sleep deprived learning how to be a dad.  His mom just left today to go back home after spending a week with us taking care of J and doing a couple of night feedings each night.  I say she took care of him because well I was taking care of me including getting my own nutrition.  I'm not going to go into the issues there but the iron pills prescribed to be taken 3 times daily make it difficult to get in proper meals since they have to be taken on an empty stomach.

When I left the hospital on the 12th of July my hemocrit was 12 something and last week Friday at an appointment we went to it had dropped to 9.6.  Yeah not good.  I was ordered back to bed for the rest of the pelvic rest.  If you know me well you know that this is going to be nigh impossible.  For one, J has to sign in off of paternity leave tomorrow which means if he can't get regular leave I'll be alone with the baby and the house work.  Secondly, I'm not the type to let the house work go especially living in a southern climate where if you let the dirt build up you'll give bugs an invitation like you would a vampire into you house; "hey come suck the life out of me while you hunt me down!".

Little E can't latch on to me because my nipples are too big for her almost preemie baby size being born at 5 pounds 11.1 ounces.  She has a tiny mouth.  I am using the Avent Isis manual pump but the right breast, I think it is the one with the benign tumor, isn't producing much but a few drops of milk.  Tomorrow I'm headed to Savannah to pick up the Medela hospital grade pump I reserved with my credit card.  I'll speak to a lactation consultant while I'm there.  We are supplementing Little E's diet with formula and she is doing well on that but she loves getting the breast milk in a bottle when it is available.  Hopefully in a month or two she'll be able to latch on, for now we try daily to get her to latch when she is most hungry.  We do feed her every 2.5 hours a full 2 ounces of formula plus the breast milk.  Hopefully we'll be able to increase the feeding time and ounces soon as we hate waking her up to give her a bottle.  Sleep is important for all of us.

As for the weight I gained during pregnancy.  Here is where I'll be honest about numbers.  I weighed 224 before I found out I was pregnant.  I weighed 227 the day I delivered.  Yes, only a three pound weight gain.  Today I stepped on the scale and it read twice, I always check it twice, 200.4 lbs.  Almost 27 pounds lost in two weeks.  However, my size 16 jeans are snug where I have the incision mark from the hysterectomy.  The incision is still bruised and badly swollen.  Normally at 200 pounds I would be wearing a size 14.

With any luck I'll be down to a size 12 by Christmas I keep telling myself.  We'll see.  First I need to get strong.  Losing so much blood and a uterus really can wear a body down.  At least they saved my life and I'm here so I can once again complain about the trivial things in life.

Last night I asked J to tell me what happened after I blacked out from the blood loss.  I still have a hard time believing that I had a seizure.  I didn't know that a person going into shock would have a seizure.  I remember the people working on me calling my name a few times and seeing a bag valve mask on my face but not much else.  I remember J telling me that my blood pressure bottomed out too.  He said it kept dropping after he read to the staff the last numbers he saw which were 80/50.  I wanted to live so I did with the help of everyone and God's blessing.  Still it is scary to think about so I don't think about it much.  Maybe in a year when Little E has her first birthday I'll remember a bit more but I doubt it.

In just a few days I'll be turning 45.  Not sure what I'm going to wish for this year on my birthday candle.  I have everything I could want already.

28 Week OB Check Up

Yesterday was my 28th week check up at the OB here at Fort Stewart.  Again a different doctor.  In the many weeks I've been going to an OB here and at Madigan I've yet to see the same doctor twice.  As of yesterday when they started to schedule the next few appointments it looks like they'll be keeping me with Dr. Canady.  He is a really sweet man.  Great personality, older, and I hope he turns out to be the one I'll look forward to seeing in the Labor and Delivery suite.

Next week Thursday I head over to the Perinatologist in Savannah.  Tricare is allowing me four appointments with them and hopefully I'll get to use them all before she is born.

I finally gained two pounds.  But alas I got on the scale this morning and found that I'd dropped 0.6 pounds overnight.  I swear it is all this unloading of boxes I'm doing that is causing the weight to drop off.  Dr. Canady isn't too worried.  He said the weight guidelines should be thrown out the window.  He also said that I have baby that is growing just fine but that she is well hidden.  I'm really getting tired of the remarks from women where they keep saying, "you are so small for 7 months".  I want to tell them, "yes, because this is my first baby and I'm not constantly stuffing my face with empty calories either".

Weight:  + 2 pounds which still makes me 3 pounds under my starting weight and of course another 0.6 pounds lost this morning gives me more wiggle room.

BP: 124/75

Fetal heart rate: 145

Fundal height: 31 cm.  Yes the dizzy spells I've been having can be attributed to the growth spurt of my uterus and baby.

Anatomy scan will be coming up soon.  High risk OB in Savannah will either be requesting that Stewart do it or they will do it themselves next week though I don't think I'm due for another anatomy scan until 32 weeks.

3 hour Gestational Diabetes test:  I passed with perfectly normal numbers!  Thankfully I corrected my eating habits early on with the 8 week test failure and barely passing the 10 week test.

Thyroid test:  controlled nicely on current dosage of synthroid.

On a different note:  My dad is still in the hospital.  We are hoping that soon he'll go to the nursing home for recovery.  Unfortunately he developed pneumonia after his surgery which was a complication we were hoping he'd bypass this time around.

I've called my mom and requested that J and I be allowed to come up for a visit on Memorial Day weekend as it is the last time until I deliver that I can travel up to see them.  She told me that my brother had requested that weekend too.  Well damn, I mean they won't get the chance to see me but for maybe an overnight trip as I pass through in November or December for the baby's christening.  I think I should get priority this time for that very reason.  My dear brother can get vacation easily while J can't.  Besides I have stuff to bring to my mom's that she'd like to have I reminded her.  Unlike my brother that makes a nuisance of himself while there and my parents often can't wait for him to leave.

I mean it isn't much that I'm bringing up to mom.  I have some hand embroidered table linen that I made and will fit her dining room table.  Also her grocery cart is bent to hell and I never used nor took out of the box the winnie wagon I purchased 6 years ago when I thought I'd be moving to Korea with J.  It is something she said she'd love to have and I intend on bringing it up to her and assembling it for her.  She has a ramp in the back of the house for dad's wheelchair which makes it easier to get the groceries out of her SUV too.

So we'll see what some pleading will do.  Hoping that mom understands that it is now or never with the wagon too as next time I come up the SUV will be filled with baby stuff, baby, and cat headed to NY with just an overnight stay at her place.

Trying to Keep A Daily Food Goal

Yesterday:

4 large egg whites with salt, pepper, 2 TBSP grated cheese, and ketchup

1 small 100 calorie whole wheat bagel with cream cheese

8 ounces V-8 Fusion 100% juice

3 granola bars

1/4 cup mixed lightly salted nuts

1 cup Choibani Greek yogurt with 1/2 strawberries lightly sweetened

1 baked fish patty with sesame bun and mayonaise

64-90 ounces of water

After eating all that, the last granola bar was at 2030 hrs, I was stuffed.

I got on the scale this morning, I weigh myself every morning, hoping to see I'd possibly gained a bit of weight or at least stayed the same.  Nope!  I lost 0.8 pounds.

I guess I can say that the baby is still alive and eating a lot of the nutrients I'm pushing into my body.  If I wasn't fat I would really start to worry about the fact that I'm losing weight.  I have to stop and realize that I'll probably be only allowed to gain at maximum 20 pounds.

I will continue to eat healthy.  This morning I scrambled another 4 large egg whites and had a bagel with cream cheese on the side.  I am trying.  I need to find room in my stomach to put in more veggies.

Madigan has screwed up my OB schedule but good.  This week I had to play advocate for myself and schedule the Nuchal Translucency scan.  I have yet to actually meet my assigned OB and won't until the 24th of this month.

I should have had my OB intake seminar by week 8 or 9 and here it will be 12 weeks and 2 days by the time I have it.  Though I'm not keen on lectures unless it is going towards my degree plan I know I have to attend the lecture and turn in paperwork.  I'm just hoping they don't lose the paperwork.  I'll be pcsing in the early part of Spring.

I'll leave you all with a photo of Bugsy curled up on J's jeans.   Oh and if any of you have an idea on how I can actually gain weight during the second and third trimester please let me know.  I want to do it in a healthy manner and not stuff myself full of bad for me foods.

Guilt Tripped

Yesterday I decided to get out of the house for a short trip across the road to the Exchange and Commissary.  I need to get wax and hair color at the Exchange.  I needed about $55 in grocery items to include bird seed and cat food at the Commissary.

On the way out of the Exchange I was greeted by a chaplain's wife.  She inquired as to my well being.  I told her the morning sickness is awful.  I don't get out of the house much because of it.  I wasn't lying.  She said she looks forward to seeing me in church tomorrow.

Not like I'm being guilt tripped or anything!  This was after she gave me advice to eat 20 minutes before I get out of bed like she did with all of her pregnancies.  I'm not sure how many she has had but she has several living children, at least 5 that I have seen.

I explained that I cannot eat before getting out of bed because I have to take medications that call for an empty stomach first thing in the morning.  My thyroid medication is just one of the medications that must be taken on an empty stomach.

I don't want to go to church during flu and cold season.  J picked up a cold there before Christmas and passed it on to me.  Lucky me I was sick with it for the holidays, and while pregnant you can't take a thing for it.  Not fun when you have asthma.

So I went to church today.  Behind me a kid was coughing up and snorting up his snot.  He kept putting his fingers up his nose digging for gold then running his fingers around the backs of the chairs.  Just really gross.  I spoke to my husband about it while in church and said this is just the reason why I don't want to go here during cold and flu season.  God gave me the gift of my baby and I'll be damned if I am going to allow sickness that can be avoided to take it away from me.

Most likely I will not be attending while my husband is away for his deployment.  The season is ripe for flu if one has been listening to the news.  I've had my flu shot but I don't care to find out just how effective the vaccine is on me by being out in public more than needed.

To stave off some of the nausea during church services I popped a ginger pill just before entering church.  It helped some.  I also chose to bring with me a bottle of water.  I was going to sing with the rest of the congregation but I was a tad afraid to open my mouth and have vomit come out as I felt it rise up a few times.

Oh on the baby news...I made it to 11 weeks today.  This is officially the longest I have ever been pregnant.  Hoping I make it past 24 weeks!  My breasts have started to fill out.  Not good.  Already hard enough to find a 40 DD bra that is comfortable and now they are even bigger.  I also lost more weight this week.  In 10 days I've lost 3.8 pounds.  Wondering when I'll actually start gaining weight.  My clothes are getting tight so I guess the baby is growing at least.  Won't know for sure until the next ultrasound of which I've no clue when that is. This week I'll have to call and remind OB that I'm in my window for the nucal scan.

Finally

Today was the last PIO injection...FINALLY!

Today was the last set of Alora patches...FINALLY!

10 weeks 3 days today.  Last ultrasound was at 8 weeks 4 days growth only one day behind my own, not the doctor's, estimated due date.  I still say the baby is due 27 July not 30 July as the last menses were on 20 October.

I FINALLY broke down and bought maternity clothing.  Oh I don't need them yet but I hope to next trimester.  Babies R Us was having a 70% off maternity clothing sale.  Unfortunately it didn't extend to the lingerie.  For $91 and change I purchased almost $300 in clothing.  I will probably need a few more items to fill in the wardrobe like a nice black dress for dates or church.   What I got with what I spent: 1 pair jeans, 1 pair dress pants, 1 pair leggings, 2 tshirt, 1 tank top, 1 short sleeved odd angle seamed shirt that distract the eye from the tummy, and 1 3 piece pajama set.  Oh and I almost forgot I also bought a parent to be card for my friend with that money as well.  So I actually spent less than $91 on all that clothing.

I've lost 3.2 pounds in 5 days.  Unfortunately I craved something last night and caved in.  It was a salty snack so I gained 1 pound of bloat back.  I wouldn't mind gaining if it wasn't water weight.

Not sure if my OB clinic is aware I'm now in the timeline for the Nucal scan.  I think since this clinic is so over crowded I'll have to be proactive with them as well.  The mass pregnancy appointment isn't for two more weeks where I'll sit through a 3 hour seminar and fill out more paperwork.  About a week later I'll have my appointment to actually see my OB team.  Maybe they'll then realize that oops we need to get her in for that scan within a week?

I'm still really worried about miscarriage.  I can't wait for week 11 to get here.  I just can't be hopeful right now as I lost the first pregnancy at 10 weeks 6 days.  For those of you that have lost pregnancies I think you can understand passing this milestone.

With J getting ready to deploy the house has not been a pleasant place to live.  I've thought about leaving for a while.  No it isn't getting violent on his end, just really shouting and stressful.  Deployments, even short ones, are hard on the military family.  My husband isn't very good at expressing himself until he blows his top.  Whereas I am the time to let him know when I am pleased or displeased right off.  I don't mince words.  Why let the anger fester I figure.  Get it out in the open where it can be dealt with right off and a solution still found while it is relevant.

I'm still waiting on the 3 hour glucose test results.  Maybe tomorrow it will be in.  When they do call I'll hopefully remember to let them know I'll be needing the nucal scan too.

Some photos of Bugsy at Christmas:

Yes that is me in jammies holding him.

He still loves me even after I put the hat on him.

Guessing Game

ICLW starts tomorrow and I'm not sure that I'll be posting a blog tomorrow so this will have to do.  Hello to all my readers, first timers, and lurkers.

I'm guessing that I have about 18 more days until I do the transfer of the two 4AA blastocysts.

18 more days to try to lose the 7.2 pounds I deemed yesterday that would be necessary for my personal happiness.

Well I'm pleased to announce that this morning I lost another pound.  6.2 more pounds to go in 18 days.  This is going to be tough but if I just add in one more set of reps to each exercise I might be able to get more weight off next week.

I have to admit is is rather nice to see some of the paunch disappear.

As you ladies know, losing weight while on hormones isn't easy. 

Giving up chocolate has been a killer.  Yes, I gave up chocolate.  There isn't a little treat after each injection.  I just remind myself when the pain hits, and there has been a lot of cramping with the Alora patches, that I'm doing this for a damn good reason.

I'm getting vicious.  I really let into my husband this morning.  I've now lost control of my temper.  He knew this was going to happen at some point.  I said things that I should regret but I don't because they are my feelings.  I don't feel like what I'm going through is being appreciated by him.  He is so buried in his own work and studies that at times I think I'm nothing to him.  I know it isn't true and it is just the hormones.  I know that my husband does love me. He is just probably trying to stay out of my way so that he doesn't start an argument because he knows right now I'm really sensitive.  Inside the real me is being held hostage by the hormones.  I want to break out from this jail cell and be free but I know I just have to wait until the hormones parole me.

Hopefully I just had my last period for nine months.

Calendar Change

Yesterday Nicole at PNW sent me a new calendar with a schedule change for those two days I was off track. 

My ultrasound is now moved to the 2nd of May.  But that isn't too bad.  Less than 14 days after the the ultrasound I will be getting my blastocysts transferred to my uterus.  Maybe as soon as 6 days after the ultrasound depending on the uterine lining.  Since I produce enough estrogen on my own, I'm fat and estrogen loves fat plus add in the endometriosis which is another too much estrogen issue being produced by the ovaries, I feel fairly confident that my transfer will be around the 8th of May.

Today I cut the Lupron dosage in half.  If I had known for sure that I could have done so yesterday I would have done so.  I found out in the afternoon that bit of information.  Oh and that I could have applied my patches yesterday too if I had been able to cut my Lupron.  But I take my meds at 0430 hrs.  So when I found out at 1400 hrs it was too late.

One thing I can honestly say I hate about the Alora patches are their size.  My insurance covers the Alora patches and not the postage stamp sized Vivelle dots that my clinic in Seattle wanted me to use.  The Alora patches are each 2 x 3 inches.  Big difference in size there when you consider most postage stamps are 3/4 x 1 1/4 inches in size.  Trying to not think about when I have to apply four of them.  Right now I am wearing just two.

I think I blogged this week about the one pound I gained in bloat but then lost again.  I also, as of today, managed to lose another 2.2 pounds this week.  I'm still afraid to mention my weight on here.  I know we do judge others even though we don't like to think we do.  Suffice it to say that I still have 8 more pounds to go and I'll weigh what I did before the last IVF in January of 2012.  I had lost a lot of weight for that IVF to make achieving pregnancy easier for my body.  Hopefully this time it will help with the donor egg cycle.

My Blog; A National Threat?

Well today's posting was going to be all about how I've managed to lose 6.6 pounds in just a week.  Of course I was also going to blog about how the endometrin is affecting my body and not in a good way.

Instead this looks like my blog post for today is going to be a rant.

My blog is a threat to national security?  How? 

It isn't like I'm revealing any secrets.  Well unless you mean that I mentioned where we are going next but that is just so highly classified that no one is allowed to know right?  <insert tons of sarcasm there>

Or maybe it is that my menstrual cycles are of national importance and the world shouldn't know because I really was cloned as a baby?  I always told my parents I was important but they didn't believe me.

I called my husband on his cell phone this morning, just now actually, to remind him of something he needed to do soon for himself.  He is a busy guy and he does forget to do personal things like buy things and pick up his dry cleaning.  I didn't even get to mention the dry cleaning but that doesn't have to be done until tomorrow.  Well back to the point.  He tells me that he needs to know all the contact information for every one that can see my blog in Europe. 

You've got to be kidding!  I gave him the local number of a friend that was overseas and commented on my blog but she is now back in the states as of two weeks now.  So if anyone wants to give me their contact information I'm game.  I think this is such bull shit.  I told my spouse he needs to keep his mouth shut about my blog as it isn't a threat to security and I don't blog about anything that could be close to OPSEC.  I'm not that stupid.

Well unless of course my vagina is of national security.  Then of course I'm in big trouble.

A Different Kind Of Date Night

Yesterday afternoon J and I had our first real date night in a long time.  His schedule has been to put it mildly, hectic.

Because of the fact that he has CQ duty today, he shouldn't have it at all since he has to be on call for the arms room but they are short handed so he was put on the roster this month, we went to church yesterday afternoon.  The only service available was Catholic.  Fine by me because I was raised Catholic but J was raised Episcopalian.  He isn't allowed to receive communion.

After pursuing the untamed ornathoid we finally found out where the Catholic service was to be held.  It was on McChord.  Our Main post chapel had been under renovations for a few years and the services have been tossed to the wind so to speak and ever changing at that.  Confession, or as they call it now Reconciliation,  was to be at 1600 to 1630.  We arrived at 1615 and no one was around to take my confession.  Thankfully I brought my rosary with me.  After hurrying through my sins and doing the rosary I felt confident enough to receive communion.

The sermon given by Father Tim, a New York native Long Island to be more specific, had us laughing a bit.  He was talking about how he was an "unclaimed treasure" when recalling to couples during a Strong Bonds retreat why he never married but felt he was still qualified to give advice on marriage.  One does often wonder what a priest can offer a married couple for advice on that particular subject.

J and I chatted with Father Tim after service and he was telling us how much we will love our new duty station.  He was wishing he was there now.  I think I wish I was too, I could do with some sun as this smog is killing me.

After mass we went to a fast food joint for dinner.  We were starved.  I have to admit that I did blow my calories for the day and then some but I'm allowed to splurge once in a while.

This morning I stepped on the scale and found that I lost another pound.  6 pounds off since starting up on Tuesday with calorie counting.  Not bad at all.  I know it won't last.  I know that I'll soon have weeks where I lose nothing.

But I'd like to think that I gained last night with the different kind of date night. 

Holding On

CD 75.  Yup still going.

Since the first of July I've lost 3.4 pounds.  Not too bad I think.  Its coming off and I hope it stays off this time.  I have 13 pounds to go and I'll be my pre-IVF #2 weight.  Most of the weight gain was from inactivity and the clomid rather than the IVF though I did gain a few pounds from that too.

Right now I'm trying to hold onto my sanity as I plough through a new diet routine.  This whole endo diet is really going to test my will power.  I love to bake but going without chocolate is going to kill me.  Luckily I can still have unsweetened cocoa; I think.  I'm going to ease into it.  Last night I did have a small bag of M&M's.  Hey I deserved it and I still lost .8 pound overnight.  Yeah, yeah I know I'm not supposed to weigh myself daily but I do to make sure I'm not bloating from too much sodium intake.  High blood pressure fun times.

Here is the link to the diet I'm trying to follow: http://www.endo-resolved.com/diet.html

Here is what I'm not allowed to eat:
FOODS TO AVOID

• wheat - this includes breads, cakes and pasta products, all based on wheat - contains phytic acid which can aggravate symptoms of endometriosis. Also contains gluten which women with endometriosis seem to be sensitive to.
  
• red meats - promotes negative prostaglandins which cause inflammation and can also contain growth hormones
  
• refined and concentrated carbohydrates - white bread, flour, cakes, pasta etc. made from refined flours. Most of the nutritional value has been removed
  
• refined sugars and honey - causes inflammatory reaction
  
• caffeine - found in tea, coffee, soft drinks -increases abdominal cramps and caffeine increases estrogen levels
  
• chocolate - as it contains sugar which is inflammatory
  
• dairy produce - including milk, cheese, butter, cream - causes inflammatory reaction as they increase the inflammatory prostaglandins
  
  
• eggs - advised to leave out eggs unless you get organic as they can contain the chemical residue of dioxin. Can also cause digestive problems for some like IBS, and may increase constipation problems (they are used as a binder in cooking!)
  
• fried foods - can stimulate negative prostaglandins
  
• saturated fats and oils – Foods that are high in fatty acids stimulate the negative inflammatory prostaglandins. Fatty acids are found in saturated fats, butter, margarine, lard.
  
• soy products and soy protein products - (check link below to read an in-depth explanation why soy should be left out of your diet)- tamari can be used in small amounts
  
• convenience foods - they contain a host of additives, cheap ingredients and have very little nutritional value
  
• tinned foods - use sparingly. Certain exceptions are fine like tinned tomatoes, coconut milk and those foods that are part of ingredients when cooking a nutritious meal
  
• additives and preservatives - increase chemical load on the system
  
• alcohol - consumes vitamin B which is stored in the liver. Good liver function is vital as the liver will help to eliminate excess estrogen from the body.

* An article on Endometriosis pain and the wheat connection can be read here


* A comprehensive explanation why you need to exclude most soy foods from your diet


* Cacium intake - Find out what you can eat to maintain your calcium levels while on the endometriosis diet


* Protein intake - if you are concerned you may not obtain sufficient protein on the endometriosis diet see the list of protein alternatives to meat


* Find out why it is advisable to leave honey out of the diet for endometriosis

It might sound as if I have nothing left to eat but I do.  I love eating nuts, fruits and veggies.  I can consume Non GMO poultry and seafood. 

My mother is going to purchase for me the recipe book, for my upcoming birthday this month, from this website so that I have some recipes to follow instead of hunting down on line possible meals plan recipes.  Not that I mind researching as I'm a self-admitted research junkie but sometimes its just nice to unplug and unwind with a book in hand.

Now if anyone has any recipes that they would like to share with me I'd be glad to have them.  Please email me at the addy in my blog profile.  Thanks.

What A Mess We Have

This is my laundry room or as its now known as J's staging area for his gear.  Right now its in limbo.  Half the gear was packed ready to go when his deployment orders got rescinded.  The other half was just sitting here taking up laundry room floor space.

Now we are back to waiting again; which is a good thing I guess.  This means more time to try to create a baby.  Bad thing is not knowing how long before orders are cut again.

Currently he is listed as non-deployable but we were told face-to-face in our meeting that it could change in a month, days, or weeks.  In the meantime his injuries, though minor will have time heal.  His back strain and thigh strain he got early this month will have time to heal.  The holes in his jaw from having his wisdom teeth pulled this month will have time to heal.  I don't think I'd want to fly with jaw pain.

J wanted to go.  He will probably still go once his body and mind are in the right order to go.  Dealing with so many pregnancy losses has hurt us.  I don't want him to go but I know that he has to go.  So yes, I'm going to take advantage of him being able to be here for a bit longer.  More counseling sessions should put us where we need to be once again.

Oh and I'm going to work my butt off on not gaining any more weight from stress eating.  If I kept on this path with the "when do you go" eating style I'd be a lot heavier by the time he does leave.  So far I gained 10 pounds in a month.  I started back on my diet on Monday and as of today I've lost 3 pounds.  I have to live for me too.  This means taking care of me so that he doesn't worry so much.

Now back to my laundry room to try to find a place to set up a drying rack.

Lupron Dreams

I had forgotten, with good reason, what the Lupron does to my body and mind.  Last night I had my reminder.

I woke up in a cold sweat several times last night.  I was having night terrors again.

The first dream was of the never ending work day.  Every time I'd ask for a break in my dream I was told that I had to work longer.  The day never ended and I was working retail.  I never really liked working retail.  It just doesn't fit with my personality.  I'm a loner.  But I'll go into that in a few days with the book review.

I woke up at 0400 hrs to take my blood pressure medicine and get J up to do his morning PT.  He continues to do PT on the weekends and his body really appreciates it.  I appreciate what his body looks like now too.  Maybe I'm a tad bit shallow but seeing the squared off pectorals he has developed and the beginnings of a six pack isn't a bad thing to look at each day.

I'm starting to swell up.  The funny part of the Lupron is that even though I'm still losing weight, I lost another 0.4 lbs overnight, I'm bloating up too.  My pants are snug over the abdomen after just three injections.

I'm getting cranky.  Oh I knew that was going to happen.  It can't be helped.  My spouse knew it was to be expected and he is giving me breathing room.  I'm lucky in that we went through this together last time and he is now more understanding.  I think some of it has to do with the book I read this week and will post my review in a few days.

The second and third dreams I had, through the night, were just as unsettling as the first.  I was trapped in a room with people that just wanted to verbally poke and prod me.  They weren't understanding.  In all three of the dreams people were expecting more from me that I am able to give.

Its just my fears.  I know. 

I'm thinking about getting out in a bit today just to enjoy the snow we have here.

Pain Killer Weekend

***Please note I'm blogging under the influence of Oxycontin.****

I haven't really gone to bed yet.  I've been up since yesterday morning.  The pain got worse today after I got my glasses straightened out.  I was at the AAFES mall and needed to get a few things done.

First off the only pair of size 14 jeans I currently own have been repaired by me and are old enough to vote.  Just this year they celebrated their 18th year in use.  Well okay I didn't get to wear them for all of the 18 years because my weight is like a yo-yo.  But I had to break down and buy another pair.  What better time to go clothes shopping  than January with all the big sales?

I got the pair of jeans for only $8.50.  I'm quite thrifty and proud of the price I paid for the jeans too.  I tried on two pairs in different brands and even though both pairs looked great on me I just didn't like the designer tears and wicked fading on the other pair.

I found out though three things when I tried on the jeans. 

1.  My back decided it didn't like me trying on jeans and spasmed.
2. The mirror was tilted down, making me look short and fat.
3. Finally my husband approved of the jeans and when I looked at myself I saw how great I looked too in good fitting jeans.  I never noticed how flat my stomach is getting.  I still see the fat chic when I look in mirrors.

Next stop was nail polish.  I bought two bottles, one in a pretty pink the other a red hot cinnamon color.  I needed the pick me up that painting my nails gives me.

Finally the last stop, the Commissary or grocery store if you will.  My back is screaming in pain by the time I cut to the head of the line because I'm allowed to since I'm handicapped.  Oh and the male cashier came around to me in line and said next time I had to "get in line with the rest of the others waiting.".  I said, "handicapped!".  He shut up.

I had J go out to the car and get my cane.  With the grocery cart soon to be taken away from me by a bagger I needed some sort of support.  I don't like using my cane if I can help it since it aggravates my carpal tunnel.  I caved and made him get it.  I was yelping in pain.  See the above scale for my "9" face.

The pain was bad enough the bagger could see it on my face.  Really nice German female bagger too.  She said, "I hope you feel better later."

I said, "I will after my Oxycontin."

Note that I rarely use the opiates because the idiots here don't prescribe them to me very often due to the fact that I'm TTC (trying to conceive).  Though it is fairly safe to take during pregnancy when other pain meds won't do the job.  My last script of the Oxycontin was from May  2011 when I had that 9 cm endometrioma rupture. Yes I was prescribed vicodin for the egg retrieval in October 2011 but I used that quickly and saved the last 7 of 20 pills of the Oxycontin for a "just in case day" and today was the day.

By no means am I drug abuser or user or pusher.  When I lived in NY my Army doctors at West Point had a running script for me of any pain killer I needed and so did my physical therapists in NY.  Why here they are ignoring my pain issues I don't know.  Oh and even then when I lived in NY I rarely went through more than two bottles of 30 count a year.  I could have filled it every month but I didn't.  I don't like to use pain killers if I can find other ways to push away the pain like meditation.

Sorry if the post is a bit confusing to anyone.  I did put the warning up that I was writing this under the influence too.  Think I'll go take a nap.

First Goal Down

I'm happy to report that I've finally lost just over 20 pounds.  Finally the first goal is met. 

Now I just have to get to the second goal, get pregnant, gain for the baby only, stay pregnant long enough to delivery a living child and continue to lose the extra pounds after delivery.  Its a long process too.

Just under 40 more pounds to lose.  I'm already noticing that my clothes hang off me, well except for my pants because the endometriosis gut is always bulging.

However I have decided to gift myself something nice this week.  Well at least I had decided on an item from The Hunger Site which will donate bowls of food to animals with every purchase made, but the item that I really wanted it currently out of stock.  Not to worry I'll still find something else to get there to make my weight loss goals a giving back effort.  I won't be the only one to benefit from my weight loss, I want a furry friend to get fed too since they've always given me comfort when I needed it.

Today J and I went to an antique mall in our town area where he made two purchases of items he's wanted.  I've converted him to liking antique stores.  I just wanted to go there to pet the two black cats, Peyton and Crybaby.  Seems that Peyton has been beating on Crybaby lately.  Cats do that from time to time.  I can well remember my cats wrestling for cat world domination on many an occasion, usually at 3am.  So I got my cat fix in today which gave me my happy and J got what he wanted.  All is well here in our little military home.

Diet Day 43: The Weigh In

Well I still haven't reached my first goal of 20 pounds lost but I am that much closer to it with the 2.4 pounds I lost this week.  I still need to lose another 1.8 pounds to reach that first 20 pound goal.  Maybe next week?

I've been dealing with a lot of anger issues of late.  Some people are really getting on my nerves.  So I walk off the anger.  I was really upset yesterday and walked about 4 miles.  I know walking is good for me and the 4 miles that I walked yesterday only helped with the weight lost for the week.  However, I wish people would stop making me so angry.

I have a raging headache this morning.  Its feeling like it could go to migraine but I doubt it will.  Or I hope it won't.  Every time I have to go on OCPs (oral contraceptive pills) I get bad headaches and the migraine too.  Usually I'm put on topomax while on the OCPs, but not this time as I can't possibly take that particular medicine while in an IVF cycle.

Back to the weight loss.  I still have another 42 pounds to go.  My clothes aren't baggy on me, no they seem to be shrinking in the wash.  I feel so fat but then again I still am fat and far away from being off that BMI marker that says I'm obese every time I step on my Wii balance board.  I haven't played with the Wii in a week.  I've just not been feeling all that well with the headaches.  Who wants to exercise when their head feels like its going to explode?

With any luck the headaches will soon disappear after I end the OCPs, but I won't be off them until Oct. 2nd. I start the Lupron injections on Sept. 25th.  I've only taken Lupron once and I can't remember how it affected me.  If any one that has taken that particular drug has any advice on the side effects please inform me of what to expect. 

Thanks~

Weight Flip Flop

This week of weight loss has been a real test of my endurance.  It seems as though this is the week that I'm bloating really easily.  I lost over a pound only to gain almost a pound back making my total weight lost for the week only 0.6 lb.  I'm cranky.

I have several things that could be the cause of this happening.  First off my schedule has been hectic.  Yesterday I didn't even get me time.  I had a last minute appointment with the chaplain sprung on me when my spouse came home for lunch.  Okay great I get ten minutes to change out of sweat pants and paint my face.  Not fun.

Secondly with the birth control part of the IVF meds I am not going to get a period for quite some time.  The packs are taken piggy back.  I read through the side effects and one of which really stood out was bloating due to increased sodium retention.  Great just what I need since I'm already prone to sodium bloat with my high blood pressure.  There is no way in Hades I can cut back on my sodium more since I'm already down to 1000 mg a day or less.  I guess I'll just have to deal with my weight see-sawing.

Third, I haven't had time for my regular exercise routine with my spouse being home.  I guess he is thinking that with him now being home from his  recent short deployment that I again need to cater to him.  Um, no.  Keeping the house clean is only easy if I get some cooperation.

My Fibromyalgia book states quite clearly, and I've read it to my husband several times; If you dirty it you clean it, If you take it out you put it back, If you make the mess you clean it up.  Those rules apply to all household members not just the housewife that doesn't work outside the home.  Nor should I be expected at this point in time to take care of anyone else but myself in my pursuit of trying to get pregnant and get healthy.  Someone needs a good swift kick in the pants of reality if he thinks I have nothing better to do than to cater to him.

Oh we've been "discussing" the issues of late.  I think we've got a good idea of where we need to work on them.  I don't like someone sabotaging my diet and exercise plan.  He's been home a week and that's exactly what he's done.

On a different note, today I have my IVF seminar.  My husband and I will learn what we are supposed to know about our IVF cycle and how to give me the injections the proper way.  Oh great does this mean we are going to experiment on me today?  Just what I need a sore butt, stomach and arms.  All I know is that we both have to stop by the pharmacy first before the seminar according to instructions.  Good thing I don't fear needles!

Paradise Returns, Well Sort Of

Well we did make to the horseback riding.  That's me in the pink and orange stripe shirt.  My husband took the photo from his horse.

My horse, Cutie, fought me the entire ride.  She rode me through tree branches, briar bushes and any other sharp object she could find.  I'm used to neck reigning and she is the standard bit with a kick.  When we got back to the corral I was told that Cutie is great for anger management as everyone loves to scream at that stubborn horse.  Okay so it wasn't my fault the ride was terrible.  At one point I almost decided to dismount and just walk the trail instead.

My husband had a wonderful mount named Neo.  Neo is a dark chocolate and white paint horse.  Think of Little Joe's horse from the television show Bonanza.    His horse responded easily to his commands.  I was told that next time I go back to High Point Equestrian Center I should ask for an advanced riders horse that is used to neck reigning and not the beginner Cutie.  Funny though, we weren't given the choice of mounts to begin with but then again this is a fledgling company that has only been open for two months.  If Cutie is a beginner's horse I'd hate to see the advanced.  Maybe it is just her stubborn temperament and the other horses will be better but, I'll have to wait until IVF is done with before I go again.  In just a few weeks we start the shots.

I'm not really sore from the saddle unlike I was in July.  This time it was only an hour ride and only one butt cheek is a bit sore.  This time I did better considering how long its been since I've ridden on an almost regular basis.  No today I'm in pain for a different reason.

Yesterday morning my two endometriomas decided to give me quite a bit of pain.  I took acetaminophen in the morning and afternoon.  Come evening I went for the percocet.  Yes, the pain got that bad.  Its still bad today.  But what really irks me is the fact that I ended up gaining back 0.6 lbs in bloat from the cysts and the use of the percocet.  Now I'm really far behind in my weight loss for the week.

I had set a goal of 2.25-2.5 lbs for the week.  If I lose 2 pounds in the next two days I'll still be on target but I don't see that happening.  Since the percocet did nothing for the pain last night I'll not take it tonight.  Today I'm going to drink extra water to get the motility of my digestive tract moving again.  With any luck I'll lose that 0.6 I gained.  My pelvic region is firm and distended today.  Not a happy camper because of that.  My clothes don't want to fit so I'm wearing sweat pants.  Its amazing what a little bloat and pain can do to cause for a loss in confidence.

Hear me whine.

Weekly Weight Update

Well the good news is that I didn't gain.  I didn't lose a lot either and I'm far from my wishful goal of -5 lbs a week. 

I lost a whopping 2.6 lbs this week.  I know that isn't to be sneezed at and I should cheer myself up.

But, I wanted to lose 5 pounds this week.  I need to lose 5 pounds because I still have a lot to lose.  (insert a whining voice).

So far, in three weeks, I've lost 12.2 lbs.  That would make it an average of 4.06 lbs a week.

Maybe next week I'll get 5 lbs off.  Who knows.  We all have slow weight loss weeks.

Now its off to go exercise.  Yes, I've really started exercising now.  I actually burned just over 500 calories in exercise yesterday.  Not bad at all.

Okay I'm happier now.

I'm Losing It

Today I weighed myself to see what I've lost in one week's time.  I decided on Wednesday mornings for my own official weigh in as I started my better eating habits two weeks ago on a Wednesday.

I'm doing good so far.  I didn't lose the 5 pounds I was hoping for but 5 pounds is a lot to lose in a week.  I did, however, lose 4.6 pounds this week.  4.6 pounds is 2.086 kilograms. 

That means that in just two weeks I've lost a total of 9.6 pounds or 4.35 kg.  Not bad at all I say.  Go Me!

Today for exercise I walked to the Madigan Medical Mall Laboratory and back again.  Its roughly a mile there and a mile back.  I could have used my bicycle but that would have meant I would have had to of added air to my bike tires.  I'm lazy today.  So I walked.  Parking at the hospital is well, interesting at best.  Often my spouse would drop me off and circle about to find a space to park.  I'll just walk it as long as the weather is fair.

The reason for the walk was the lab work blood draw.  6 vials with 9 tests in preparation for the IVF.  Oh, I still have more blood work to go through and more testing but for now I do what I can according to the calendar they sent me.

I've paid the deposit, as of this morning, for my IVF.  The full amount is due in October.  I'm still working on my parents to see if they want to contribute to their possible grandchild.  I think if a child were a definite outcome they'd be more likely to help out with the costs.  But since there is no guarantee they basically are telling me I'm on my own kid.

I did try to explain to my mom that if I can get them to help out with this IVF if it doesn't work then I'll still have enough for a possible next round which wouldn't be until next summer.  My mom had no problem getting pregnant, she was only 25 when she had me.  Some folks have it easy some, like me, don't.

Until I'm told otherwise I'm going to work hard at losing weight.  The first week was easy the second week wasn't so easy to lose the weight.  I actually had to do some exercising and cutting back on the food intake to lose what I did.  I need to get it off before I get pregnant as I'm considered obese and I'd rather have one less complication in this pregnancy.  Well hopefully there will be a pregnancy.