IVF Preparation, The Worries Begin

As most of my readers know I'm preparing for my first round of IVF.  No one said creating a baby was going to be easy when you are my age, 42.  We've been trying around his military schedule for the past 4.5 years with no luck.  We tried clomiphene citrate and sure I produced up to 6 follicles a month on the lowest dosage but still no luck.  Now its time for IVF.  Yup time to fork out the big bucks with no real idea if its going to work or not.

My first stage of IVF is the Saline Infusion Sonogram while I'm on the Levlen.  So far I'm not too pleased with the Levlen, it has extended my normal bleed time by four days.  Its been years since I've been on any form of birth control and I really can't remember it actually doing that to me but who knows, hormone levels in the body do change.  I'm also not liking the weight gain side effect.  For three days now I've been struggling to keep my weight off and its been staying the same for most of it, today I finally dropped 0.2 lbs.  Mind you I've been exercising and eating healthy because I want to get some of this tonnage off before I get pregnant.

Now back to the SIS, saline infusion sonogram, I'm not really looking forward to this test.  Oh sure it would mean I'm just that much closer to getting pregnant but really folks having my female reproductive parts probed isn't comfortable.  I have what is called a retroverted uterus.  This means that I have to go to this test with a full bladder.  Yes, a full bladder and lie on my back with my feet in the stirrups to have tubes stuck up in me.  I say tubes because as soon as this particular test is completed they are going to do the mock embryo transfer.

Right now I'm so wishing it were November and I have in my hand a stick with a positive result.  I'm not the first female to be wishing the hardest part, trying to conceive for an infertile female is the hardest part, were over.  Well maybe to some its not the hardest part but if you can't conceive then it is.  Once pregnant the new worries will kick in like; will I lose it since I'm so darn old and my risk of miscarriage is high, or will the baby be so deformed it won't live long enough to draw its first breath, or well you get the point the list goes on.  For now my main concern is getting pregnant.

Years ago, 15 to be exact, I was pregnant.  My former spouse was infertile with a low sperm count, low motility, and sperm deformity issues.  I got pregnant using clomiphene citrate but soon miscarried the twins.  We tried again and it just didn't work.  Now that egg quality is an issue I might have plenty of eggs but maybe none of them are good enough.  Its not like I can afford a donor.  An egg donor is no guarantee that the egg will hold up long enough to fertilized and survive in my uterus to full term.  I being the only biological child of my parents have no younger female sibling to beg an egg from.  Even if I did there is no guarantee she'd give me one either.

So this is how it stands for today.  I wait, I exercise, I eat healthy and keep hope that in a years time I will finally hold my baby in my arms and complain about a whole new set of issues like: breast feeding, teething, crying, and sleeping through the night.  I wouldn't mind complaining about those things, but, I just want to get that chance to complain.