It was a phone meeting. I'm kind of glad it was via phone and not in person nor through video conference too. I'd rather not have the doctor see the faces I was making though I'm sure if he was listening he could probably hear the tone of my voice change a bit.
I had to fight to get even three tests ordered for myself and one for J. The good doctor didn't think any tests were necessary as it "wasn't a pregnancy". It didn't call for repeat pregnancy loss testing.
Now you can guess why I was getting angry. Don't they think I already know it wasn't a "real" pregnancy. But dammit anyway there were embryos put back! They didn't take! So I want answers not just a "it happens".
It has "happened" now three times!
I requested karyotyping on my husband. I requested the RPL full panel. But what I'm getting is three tests to include the antiphosolipid and two other tests he didn't mention but not one will be about clotting disorders. I did mention my dad's heart problems and got cut off before I mentioned that he does bleed out and has anemia. The good doctor said the heart is not a problem in the clotting factor. If only he had let me continue and not cut me off mid track. Nor did I get to remind him that I have arthritis and eczema which are autoimmune disorders and should be checked with that blood panel too. I have no clue if the ANA will be one of the three tests that he has ordered.
As for the karyotyping the good doctor said that it might not be allowed by the Army as the test costs about a grand. Well consider the fact that we have paid out of pocket for two IVFs and now one donor cycle and well lets not forget all those IUIs and still not one pregnancy to show for it I think my husband is a good candidate to have this test done. Not that I'm blaming my spouse but it is possible that something could be wrong since the good doctor kept saying how perfect the donor was and that sometimes something could be wrong with the sperm.
That's right keep contradicting yourself doc.
I had to beg with the good doctor to get the testing done for my peace of mind. I'd rather we know something good but I'll be prepared for the worst too.
Of course I asked again how many eggs it took to make the blastocysts and he still didn't know. I've asked the clinic via phone and in emails many times to have the information ready for the WTF appointment. It wasn't there. The doctor didn't even have J's sperm report handy. Seriously how was the good doctor even prepared for us. 15 minutes late in calling us too. Not like J has anything better to do right? He had to come home from work for this appointment.
On a lighter note:
The stray cat I've been feeding is eating quite well. I feed it a 5.5 ounce can of wet food and 1/2 cup of dry each day. Last night I finally got to see what the cat looks like. Long haired, most likely domestic, black. No clue as to the sex of the cat. Here are some crappy pictures because I didn't want to use flash and scare the critter off.
Ugh I'm so sorry that all this is happening, so frustrating!
ReplyDeleteWell I got some good news on the testing after the clinical staff met. Maybe I'll get some answers.
DeleteWTF appointments are hard, but they're especially difficult when you get the "bad luck" explanation. Honestly, if you're having this much trouble getting the testing done with this group, I would consider going elsewhere. Yes, there's the threat that you may have to pay for it. But for REs that are use to doing this testing and are supportive of you doing it, they usually also know how to order the tests so your insurance will cover it. Both Grey and I were karyotyped and though I didn't have the ANA test done nor the MTHFR screen, I know the APA panel was meant to address clotting disorders. My point is that if you're having to fight this much, it may be time to look for another care team who will work with you. You mentioned looking at SRM, so scheduling an appointment may be worthwhile. Either way, I'm sorry that you're getting the run around. Basic information about semen analysis and fertilization rates should be readily available to you. And though I understand they many doctors don't believe in the link between autoimmunity and infertility, they should still be willing to talk over the different possibilities for what may have gone wrong with you.
ReplyDeleteI understand that genetics are like playing the lottery at times but in this case we removed my genetics so I really do want to know what went wrong. If they were such perfect looking embryos and the donor is so proven then why didn't they take? Does the protocol need to be changed? All those questions didn't get answered because it got shut down with a sometimes it happens. So annoyed.
DeleteSee, they should have made the effort to answer these for you. This whole idea that it's simple "bad luck" when they have data about this cycle is so frustrating. What it says to me is that they aren't even trying. Hence why I think you would be better suited elsewhere. You've been around the block multiple times with these guys. They've treated you both very poorly in my opinion. And you deserve better.
DeleteOn a side note and just for clarification: was the RE you spoke with from the clinic through the Army or was it the one in Seattle (PNW Fertility thru Swedish Hospital is where the DE program is??)? My rational is if you haven't spoken with them, you may want to see if they have insights and explanations. Either way, you deserve some honest back-and-forth instead of being shut down.
This was my doctor from PNW that I spoke with. However with that said his nurse called me back later to let me know of the tests ordered and I explained more about my dad. They are now going to order the panel I need to check for clotting disorders since my dad has been on heparin for quite some time.
DeleteBut yes, my spouse and I did feel shut out. Infertility is a money making business when you get to the bottom line. Too bad too.
I am sorry that you are having to go through this frustration. The testing will hopefully yield some useful information.
ReplyDeleteIts very disappointing when donor cycles don't work since we expect having given up our DNA that it has removed the questionable factor. But do keep in mind that even young eggs and seemingly good quality embryos can have issues that could cause it to not implant, so it may not all be about J.
Having said that I do believe you are 100% right in demanding testing to rule out anything else. The more information the better before you put more money into the process. I really hope your Dr's come through. Not happy that they are not telling you how many eggs it took to create the embryos, what was the fert rate and how many of the total grew to blasts...that would be good info to have.
I actually know, from what the clinic told me, that the donor I used has created four pregnancies. How many went to live births I did ask but the doctor didn't have that information.
DeleteThey did agree to do more blood work after I discussed more family information with my nurse.
Ugh. I wish the doctor was more receptive to your requests and interested in working with you. That's really awful that they weren't. WTF appointments are hard, especially when you walk away with a "Well, I don't think there's nothing wrong," and cold shoulder. UGH UGH UGH.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad they finally agreed to the testing. I don't understand why they argue. Isn't the goal for them to be successful? I have psorisis so I'm wondering the same thing about autoimmune disorders. I hope the blood tests get you some much needed answers.
ReplyDeleteUgh, I'm so sorry. Glad you were even able to get the three (four) tests out of the doctor given his attitude. Hoping that the results bring some answers!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, in the IF world just not having embryos stick doesn't seem to bug them in the least. Most of the tests you want done, like karotyping, they order in a heartbeat if you have had repeated miscarriages, but not if you just aren't getting your embryos to stick. It is so unfair, if you ask me.
ReplyDeleteI hate to point fingers at J, but if he had only 2% morphology that is probably why the embryos didn't stick. MF infertility is rarely looked at, but it is the sperm that is the driving engine for an embryos growth, so leads to low implantation and high miscarriage rates. It took my husband and I 3 rounds of IVF before we got one to stick, and that one didn't last. I hope you get answers :(
:( I really hope you can find SOMETHING through the testing. I TOTALLY understand the "there's no answer" answer. I've gotten that twice now and it makes me want to scream.
ReplyDeleteWow that doctor is a piece of work! I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. I hope the tests you did finally get ordered provide some answers. Oh, and I nominated you for a blogging award! http://frozenoj.blogspot.com/2013/06/super-sweet-blogging-award.html
ReplyDelete