Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Promises for a Better Future

J and I had a long talk yesterday.  He brought home an anniversary card and he apologized.  He made promises to do better by me.  I'm hopeful that he'll actually try to fulfill those promises.  I try to not be a door mat mind you.  However, being an Army Wife does mean that I have to make a lot of sacrifices.  We are scheduled for a marriage counseling session for tomorrow afternoon.  With any luck we'll be able to address the issues we have and get some insight on how to fix them before they become worse.

For those of you that are teachers you might have a bit of an idea of what I'm going through.  J brings his work home with him nightly.  He has counseling statements, daily plans for PT and work details that have to be written up now that he is a team leader.  I'm all for getting your work done but when family time becomes a sacrifice because you not only worked late but also brought home with you more work I get cranky.  There are just so many days in a row that I can deal with being ignored and that is 5 consecutive days which is the normal work week.

I didn't marry a soldier, I married a civilian that decided to serve his country after being married  for 1.5 years when he got downsized at his former job.  I've been  married to a soldier before so I do know what it is like to sacrifice family time for work.

BUT...

  • I don't like to be forgotten
  • I don't like it when best made plans get shelved
  • I don't like it when he can't be there for those infertility appointments.  He might not even be there for the transfer of our embryos (yes there are now two and not just one but I'll get to that in another blog post).
  • I don't like it when he has to forgo sleep because he gets a CQ shift at the last minute because somebody didn't schedule things properly and the person that was supposed to have the shift can't for some darn reason mucking up all our plans.
But...
  • I have to swallow all of my negatives and redirect them to a better outlet because I can't do anything about any of the above with the exception of the first one.
  • I can remind him often that I love him.
  • I can tell him that I support him.
  • I can tell him that I'll still be here waiting for him when he gets home.
I promise too that I'll work harder on this marriage to make a good life for the two of us and any future children.


12 comments:

  1. I hope you figure things out. Sometimes I feel frustrated with my husband when he doesn't want to come to things with me, but what can I do. Things go better when I just accept him as he is. Onestepatatime.co.za

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly. I just have to accept him as he is if I want to keep my sanity.

      Delete
  2. Good for you, I can't imagine how hard it is!

    ReplyDelete
  3. My husband joined the Army after we had been married 1.5 years too! I totally understand what you are saying about how the Army causes him to neglect his family. Too many times he has had to miss appointments and stay out late because he is helping a "buddy" or is out in the field. Last night it was almost 2015 when he got him from helping out a buddy and he goes to bed at 2030. Fingers crossed for you and hoping that marriage counseling helps!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When J joined up our marriage changed. I've had to except the changes and roll along with the army ways. J too goes to be early, usually 2100 hrs and is up at 0430 hrs.

      Delete
  4. My husband's line of work means that he is often so swamped that sometimes for weeks at a time I won't see him until just before bedtime. It's tough. You're exactly right that you can't change his line of work, but you can focus on what you can do and you can make it clear that it's important he remembers you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very true. We try to call one another at lunch. Usually he'll call as his lunch isn't always during the typical times that the Army slates for lunch on their schedule. Just a quick call mind you for him to say he still loves me.

      Delete
  5. This is a talk Kyle and I had before he took command, work would not come home with him. If that meant he had to stay late then ok. Family time is family time nothing else. Hugs friend, I hope everything gets worked out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. J has been told by our marriage counselor, a former chaplain, to not bring work home with him. I'm sure he'll be told the same again today.

      Delete
  6. So glad that he apologized and that a counseling appointment has been made. I can't imagine how hard it is being married to a soldier, especially when that is not the life you originally envisioned when you got married. Thinking of and praying for you.

    Congrats on TWO embryos!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so excited about the embryos. Hoping our marriage counseling session goes well today and J takes something away from it.

      Delete

If you decide to be a Troll I will refuse to pay your toll and your comment will not appear.