Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Not Sure Why

I'm not sure why I lost this pregnancy.  I'm not sure why I lost the previous three either.  But I aim to find out something when I have my WTF appointment on the 23rd of February.

Why is my body rejecting or killing off the babies?  I asked the REI nurse.  We discussed a few issues.  It could be my medical problems.  It could very well be an autoimmune disease as I have two and there are several in my family.  But could eczema and psoriasis really be the cause of my body losing so many pregnancies?  It seems rather far fetched.  Maybe I'm developing my family's Celiac Disease?  I was figuring the problems I had from eating wheat, bran and not so much the oat were in my head.  I guess a blood test could figure out most of these issues.

Blood test are only going to tell me just so much though, my doctor has to figure out the rest.  I'm hoping its not the endometriosis.  I really don't want to be cut open.  My endometriosis was able to be diagnosed without cutting me opening.  I know many may think that the only way to give a definitive diagnosis for endometriosis is with a knife.  Well mine was diagnosed via symptoms years ago and finally with the Saline Infusion Sonogram last year.  The doctor found the endometrioma and there is was, "ta-da you've got it" moment and we are sure now.  When the first IVF egg retrieval day came around sure enough when the follicles were drained sure enough only blood in that particular one.  I guess I'm just lucky that my tubes are still okay.

Back to the autoimmune diseases.  In my family there is Parkinson's, Psoriasis, Eczema, Celiac, Rheumatoid Arthritis, and IBD.  Nothing that will kill you but it will make your life rather miserable if you go untreated.  The IBD I'm still guessing at really because I don't have all the family medical history updated and I know that I was diagnosed with IBS myself years ago.  I just hope it never progresses to the point it becomes IBD.  Though there are days that I wonder if the abdominal pain I have is the endometriosis or the beginning of IBD.  I've learned to live with a modified diet.  I'm very careful about what I eat.  I do use my lactose intolerance and whey allergy to my benefit when I do get constipated.  I do the same with my sensitivity to gluten products.  Hey when you've got to go and it hurts I don't reach for chemical but I do use my allergies instead.

Speaking of pain, I really wish this ongoing pain in my left side, right around the duodenum would just go away.  Seems like whatever I eat of late just hates me.  I'll blame that on the fibromyalgia nerve pain and the IBS for today.

In an hour I'll see my PCM (primary care manager or doctor) to get a referral for my yearly, though its been two years, check up for my asthma.  I never said I got good medical care with the Army.  If anything my medical care and coverage have gotten worse with the budget cuts.  Fewer doctors off post are taking the coverage and now when I book appointments within the Tricare system I'm asked if I have additional insurance.  As if I could afford it,  seriously they don't pay my spouse enough to cover some of the co-pays for out of network prescriptions and doctors visits.  Oh and some won't get reimbursed either.  I remember paying out $75 for just one script for my thyroid and Tricare refused to reimburse me.  Whatever!

Oh and for the final slap in the face or should I say first slap in the face.  Yesterday  when my RE's nurse gave me the results said I was never really pregnant.  WHAT!  Excuse me I saw them put the embryo in me.  There was a growing, living, bundle of cells in me wanting to live.  Can you tell she's never been pregnant?

22 comments:

  1. Rebecca I am praying that you will get the answers you deserve. I hope that you will be able to try again. Your nurse is a very insenstive woman. Regardless on her own personal opinions rather an embryo being implanted means pregnant or not. She is an absolute jerk for saying that to you! Honestly people like that shouldnt be working in this industry if they dont even have enough respect for a person in pain to be comforting! My heart is breaking for you and I want you to get some answers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not sure why the nurse who is normally so understanding was being rather inconsiderate yesterday. I did explain that indeed it did implant for a while because the HPT proved it was there.

      Delete
  2. "Yesterday when my RE's nurse gave me the result, she said I was never really pregnant." This one made my blood boil. I can't think of a crueler thing to say to someone, especially someone going through fertility treatments. You need to tell your RE about what she said because it's clear she needs someone in a position of authority to sit her ass down and explain the obvious.

    Again, I'm so very sorry Rebecca. There are no words for the tragedy of this loss. I hope your WTF meeting with the RE is productive and that you're able to come up with a plan. I'm thinking of you during this time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would tell one the RE doctors but the nurse outranks my husband because she is also military. It makes things a bit ticklish. When I called her back to schedule the WTF appt she was more receptive. Maybe I'll give her the benefit of doubt here and think that perhaps her programming made her say what she had said.

      Delete
  3. So sorry, Becky. Get some answers so you know how to proceed. The doctors even told me that they have a plan if we want to try again, but Sam is afraid that I might just not make it next time. So, Kenna is our last chance.

    Thinking of you. Sending hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm just glad that you and Sam have Kenna. One of these days I'll get back to the East and see my newest cousin.

      Delete
  4. I am so so sorry this did not work out for you. It sounds like you have a lot going on in your medical history that could provide some answers. Have you ever heard of this website? http://www.ivfauthority.com/
    There's a ton of good information including stuff about immune issues. Wish there was something more I could do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I talked a bit with my PCM today about all this. I have hope that my RE will run some lab tests, if I can convince him that Tricare should pay for all these expensive tests.

      Delete
  5. Many doctors/nurses don't consider you pregnant unless it implants, or more. It sucks, and I'm sorry she was so callous and rude :(

    When I lost my second, there was a gestational sac (I had to pass it) but my RE at the time told me that it didn't really count as a pregnancy since they couldn't confirm there was a baby... which is BS, my betas were in the 5,000's and there was a sac, my embryo had implanted and began to grow. To me, they were all babies... no matter how early I lost them.

    Just saying that different doctors have different classifications for pregnancy... and it's a bitch, and they're sometimes callous and apathetic towards it. Which SUCKS and is unfair to a grieving patient. You had an embryo, that was the start of life no matter how you spin it. Grieve your baby (*HUGS*) Don't let that apathetic nurse get under your skin; not worth it. Talk to your doctor about it, but don't give her any more thought than that. She obviously doesn't get it at all. Ugh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The nurse is usually really nice maybe she was having a bad day?

      Delete
  6. I'm so sorry this didn't work :( Have you ever been tested for NK cells (natural killer cells)?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sarah, I'm going to try to get them to test me for that. There has got to be a reason why the embryos will implant then die off within a day or so of showing they were there on the HPT. Something in my body doesn't like the foreign matter of which they are considered to be.

      Delete
  7. I am so sorry for your loss, Rebecca. I think it's BS that they don't call this a pregnancy. Good luck with your appt later this month.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm going to make sure that they understand that this was a chemical pregnancy. I still have all 6 of test sticks which show conclusively to me that it was there and not an evaporation line. 3 days of testing two sticks a day and the last 1.5 days showed no lines not even an evaporation mark. So yes, Hope was there even if short lived, Hope was there.

      Delete
  8. I'm so sorry Rebecca. I'll keep you in my thoughts I hope you get some answers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks. Good luck on your IVF. I'll be thinking of you.

      Delete
  9. I'm sorry the nurse added insult to injury. Yeah, we get it lady, for it to be a 'real' pregnancy you've got to see a heartbeat on ultrasound, but to us, even the barely there of an early pregnancy is still a pregnancy. You just can't split hairs when it comes to the human heart.

    Any ONE of the things you mentioned could be causing you problems with implantation and maintaining a pregnancy. Doctors thought that my son had celiac disease, and it says that one of the possible symptoms is infertility. Even a touch of endo can prevent implantation. The only way you can rule out for certain whether or not you have celiac is a biopsy of your celia. My son had it done, it was a very simple out patient procedure done under full sedation. I hope that you get some answers.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am so, so sorry! WTF with that nurse saying that to you? It is so disappointing :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm going to let it go in one ear and out the other as of today. I think we all have our insert foot into mouth moments and I'm going to say this had to be her's.

      Delete
  11. Your RE's nurse should find another career, as she doesn't have the right temperment for this one, obviously. ((HUGS))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm realizing that with how long she took to get back to me.

      Delete

If you decide to be a Troll I will refuse to pay your toll and your comment will not appear.