Beta Today

I'm still on bed rest.  At 0200 hrs I started to bleed AGAIN!!!  Luckily it stopped within two hours of starting.  Now I'm just freaked out any time I get that bit of a creepy sensation, yes even with perspiration, in my panties.

I had my beta HCG drawn at 0700 hrs today and am waiting for the results.  I'm scared that JR decided it didn't want to stick around.

There are days, like today, that I dread.  I just don't handle this waiting game all that well.  I want answers now.  But yet, I'm afraid I'll get an answer that is going to be hard to deal with.

I'm cranky.  I'm tired.  I'm nauseated from worry.  Still I took my PIO shot this morning.  Even though I'm positive its going to be a negative beta or so low its inevitable to be a chemical pregnancy.  Yes, I'm turning into a pessimist.  Its become almost too much to hope for to get a positive result.  For now I live through my fellow bloggers,  I feel their pain and their joy.  I hope more of us get that BFP with a healthy baby.  I want it too.  For now I'll just sit here on bed rest with my phone handy.

Oh this bed rest is causing me some pain too.  My left hip and left ankle have now decided to no longer cooperate with the reclined position.  The left hip refuses to stay in its joint and the left ankle, well that is pain related to the torn deltoid ligament that never fully healed.  But the pain will be worth it if only I get a BFP later today.

If I don't I think I'm going to go for a really long walk and screw the pain factor.  I can't stay inside all day and dwell on things lost.

******UPDATE*****
0957 its a BFN.  Chemical pregnancy.  Yes, we lost this one.  I'm trying to get us into the next cycle which is in January.  I really don't want to wait until March but the doctor gets the final decision.  This will be the last try too.