Thursday, December 22, 2011
Now I'll share a dream from last night's sleep.
I was in a run down trailer in its little attached porch and it was Christmas season. I know this trailer well as my ex in-laws, who are now deceased, lived there once upon a time and on the enclosed porch they'd put their Christmas tree each year. All their kith and kin were gathered there, including the broken family ties and the new ones which made for an odd gathering. I was there and my ex and his new family was there. My infertile ex with his new wife and baby were present. He made sure I saw the baby. But I knew it was her ex-husband's child and not that of my ex's. Long story there but he was in real life sleeping with another man's wife that was pregnant, the SOD! Still he had the family he always wanted now.
I had come by to return to him an item he had left behind. This is a non-existent item and just something symbolic that my dream state made up mind you. I was returning a large glass paperweight, similar to my actual life real one which is way smaller, that was made of Murano (Italian) glass. But this one was gaudy, flashy and had no real substance except to be what someone of trashy taste would want. We all know the type and I'd rather not hurt my reader's feelings by going too deep.
I had a second Italian glass ball in my other hand. Inside it was a simple piece of genuine white coral. Captured when it was full of life and potential but this one belonged to J.
To me this is stating that my first husband had no substance and was what you see is what you get type and that meant slob, fat, lazy, and well trash.
J's is the untapped potential that I know he has. The quiet dignity, the protection like the coral protects the fish, and the grace of giving.
I think that my dream is of letting go of that which never really pleased me and finding what I really need and want that is with me now in my J. I love my husband. Whether or not we have children together I know that he will always do his best to provide for me and protect me. He is willing to correct things that go awry; to fix the balance. Marriage is a balancing act especially when married to a soldier.