Wednesday, December 21, 2011

So Not O.Kays

Sorry not the best of photos of my hand but the camera I have is fading fast.  I took the photo of my wedding rings for a reason and I shall now explain why.

During the first miscarriage, the October IVF miscarriage to be precise, I got angry.  I hated everything for a bit.  I even managed to break my wedding band. 

My engagement ring is a marquise set in platinum and the wedding band is hinged and set in white gold.  Because it is hinged it wraps about my engagement ring protecting it.

I won't go into details on how I broke the band and I did discuss it in detail as to why I did and how with my psychologist.  The thing now is that it is fixed but still not right.  J bought the engagement ring for me from a local jewelers in my hometown.  The wedding band he purchased from a chain store.  The chain store is so not O.kays with fixing things right.

There is your hint on who we got it from and who fixed it with the "o.KAYS".  Sure they have a warranty and they say they'll fix it but they don't fix it right.  It took two tries and five weeks to get it even this close to fitting right.  How hard is it to fix a hinge?  Not that hard.  I used to make jewelry and fix jewelry.  I was told by not O.kays that if I brought it back in again after the holidays they would make it right this time.

I was so frustrated with their second feeble attempt at fixing my ring and the fact that they wanted to send it away for a third time with my engagement ring this time that I broke down into tears in the mall.  Yes, I let the flood gates open.  I was warned it could happen if I held it back for way too long.  O.Kays argued with me that the ring was fixed right too.

I told them the engagement ring is all I have left of us if he deploys soon.  I can't surrender that not knowing if I'll get my diamond back.  They assured me that nothing would happen to my diamond as its inscribed on the diamond with a special number.  I've heard before that other women's rings were replaced with glass at some jewelers.  Its not like I have the proper tools here to test it to make sure its my diamond either. 

I explained to Not o.KAYS that I didn't know why they couldn't just put in another ring similar in size to mine at the place where its being fixed to make sure it closes properly.  I even made them take similar engagement rings out of the case to prove my point.  Oh and guess what, they had a person trade in my style band that very day.   So after looking at the other band and looking at mine they realized with a , "hmmm" that they were wrong and I was right.  Not that o.KAYS would admit to upsetting me in the least.

So here is my advise, don't buy from them if you can help it unless its a very simple design that is extremely popular.  In my case my ring basically a limited edition that can't be sized and to them is nearly impossible to fix.

I saw this as a sign that my marriage will never be right again, like my wedding band, and I'll just have to accept that its changed.  Losing two babies in such a short period of time does hurt a marriage.  Its now time for us to put the pieces back together and work through this before we start the next round of injections in a few weeks.

I've found a new marriage counselor for J and I.   J is going to his own counselor and I have mine too.  Talk therapy, just like blogging can help but with a genuine counselor at least you can get some good feedback pointing you in the right direction.  I didn't like the last marriage counselor we had, he always took my husband's side because he is a soldier.  We need a neutral party and I have hope that this new counselor will be the one.  I even requested a male so that my husband doesn't feel awkward opening up.


  1. Good idea on the counselor. This stuff is so hard to deal with and takes a toll on the relationship. Sorry for the cry fest. I've had a few of those myself lately. When does your man leave?

  2. Boo to the jeweler for not fixing your ring. At this point, is it even worth the stress of trusting them? I know they'll claim "warranty voided," but can you take it to an actual jeweler?

    This journey changes people: sometimes for the worst, but a lot of times for the better. Relationships can bloom into something beautiful. Just like your diamond, which went through a pressure cooker to formed. Seeing a counselor will help you both as you make your way along this path. Though the road is far from easy, I have faith that the journey is worth it.

  3. Would like to take this time to tell you, my wedding ring and band are both from this particular place and they have not honored their warranty any of the 3 times I have lost diamonds!!!!

    I now go to a local jeweler and pay out of pocket (although still cheaper) for any repairs or checks.

    Living and learning! Take care! xxx

  4. Lame on o.Kays -- yeah, they are sketchy. Good luck w/ that...

    Good for you on the counselor! I wish DH would be willing to do that. Hope it is helpful, transformative and guides you both into something great!

  5. Thanks for the heads up on not o.kays. I have never buoght from them, but based on your experince and the comments I will avoid.
    I am glad that you are looking into couples counseling and your DH is willing to do it with you. IF can be very hard on a marriage. I speak from experince:-( Wishing you luck so that you two can be stronger and closer as you start your next cycle.

  6. Good move on the counselor, I hope that the new one is much more helpful and not biased. That's never good in a counselor.

    Sad about the ring and the issues trying to get it fixed :( I hope it gets fixed right.

  7. Your ring is beautiful! I'm so sorry that they aren't fixing it right. I have to echo Cristy in that relationships can change into something better than before. The road to get there is just really hard sometimes.

  8. I am sorry they are being such idiots and can't get your ring fixed right. It is beautiful by the way. I have never seen anything like it. I am glad you two found another counselor. I hope this one is more neutral and you grow stronger and closer.


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