Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Painful Lessons

Sometimes life has its painful lessons.  Listed below are the ones I've learned of late.

1) I'm learning the hard way to put me first.  I know that I've been saying for years now that I need to put me first when I'm in pain but still I some how end up the martyr.  I'm so used to it that I have no idea how to change those habits except with extreme measures which usually involve me becoming quite vocal about how I need to be treated differently.  But just how does one change when they are the cause of their own problems?  If I want to be treated differently I need to set the rules for my own treatment and reinforce the good.  I need to stop caving-in every time someone needs me.

2)  I'm learning that while I'm supposed to take it easy it doesn't mean to just sit there all day and moan with the pain.  I swear just laying about all day makes the pain that much worse.  I know it causes my fibromyalgia to flare up.  Those of you that are able to just lay about all day, I envy you and your recovery time.

3)  I've learned that when I'm out-of-order and a couch dweller I cannot make myself feel better with sugar, fat and salt laden foods.  Sure the temporary effect is just what I wanted but when I get on the scale its a nightmare.  Since my last IVF in January I've gained 14 pounds. I could blame a good portion of it on the hormones and my doctors limiting my exercise to light housework only but really I think its more of a hand to mouth issue than anything.

4)  I'm smacking myself upside the head every time I think about wanting to start an exercise program like Zumba or kick boxing or anything else that most women my age would be wanting to do.  For me Yoga is an extreme sport and even then I've been told to only stretch just so far and call it quits.  Right now stretching, as in yawn and stretch, still hurts my pelvis.

5) I've learned that giving up sugar and salt gives me a headache.  That is a painful lesson that I'd rather hide from doing but I need to ween myself off the refined sugars and added salts again.  My wedding rings were rather difficult to put on this morning making it another painful reminder of why I shouldn't eat Pork Bao.  I love Bao in shrimp and pork but obviously its not good for me when I eat way more it than I should.  I have no constraint when it comes to Bao.

6)  I've learned that the melatonin I'm taking is helping my pain in the left side of my upper abdomen.  Yeah weird huh?  The prilosec after three weeks didn't eradicate the pain but two nights of melatonin and my stomach was feeling much better.  Melatonin is supposed to help reduce the affects of stress on the body and create better quality eggs for IVF.  No I'm not going to do IVF again, my eggs are crap but the melatonin helps with my sleep quality and stress reduction.  Unfortunately if I do get pregnant I can't use it. 

7) IVF does not guarantee a baby.  It doesn't matter how great of an embryo quality you have because I've had two Grade A embryos and both pregnancies have failed.  All it can guarantee is a lighter purse, heavier heart, fatter belly, and pain.  Sorry if it seems like I'm putting my thumb down to IVF but so many of us have learned what I have learned.  IVF is just a diagnostic tool that sometimes works with happy end results.

16 comments:

  1. I am right there with you on ivf Rebecca. Somehow it was easier to have a failed iui cycle verses a ivf cycle. I know it was much easier on the pocket book. I am ready to go back to my iui's now.

    I really hope you can get to a point where your fibro is more managable.

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    1. I forgot about the IUI cycles I did. I remember getting six good sized follicles and it still not working, that was a year ago January when we did our first IUI. IUI might be less of an expense but it still hurt just as much when the result was no pregnancy.

      I think this coming cycle I'm going to ask for a different medicine. The clomid only gives me cysts.

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  2. These are indeed hard lessons, especially number one. I do that as well, bending over backwards trying to help somebody else when really I should be laying down and asking somebody else to help me! One of the hardest lessons to learn is when to say 'no'. I am very sorry for the last lesson on IVF, no one should have to learn that one. My heart goes out to you xoxo

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    1. The first one is a hard lesson especially when I was taught by my mom, who said it directly to me, that I need to put myself last in the family. So I'm the martyr. "There is nothing so important about me that it can't be put to the back burner for someone else." This drives my spouse nuts. E.J. I'm not sure why we do it either. We need to learn that we are just as important.

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  3. Yup, agree on #7 :-( Glad the melatonin is helping with the pain.

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    1. I think I need to contact my gastroenterologist because its been almost 2 weeks since I was told that the ultrasound department would call me to schedule the abdominal scan. Maybe the hamster hasn't delivered the message yet?

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  4. Your mom said that to you? That's awful. You shouldn't put yourself behind anyone, including your spouse and children...although that is hard.

    65% of all couples that undergo ART bring home a baby, but that leaves a whopping 35% that don't. I hope that you find a way to bring home your baby. There is more than one road to parenthood, thank goodness.

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    1. Chick, I always came last in the family including when it came time to see the dentist. I've always had limited amounts of care, family time, and resources given to me. I was the only girl child and not the heir.

      I've heard those stats before but I'm thinking they are wrong. Remember back when 10+ of us were doing IVF for January/February and only 3 got BFPs? I think those stats are more accurate.

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  5. Awareness is always good. I hope that you do start putting yourself first, it -is- indeed so hard for women to do that. And it is also hard to pass up bao(zi).

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    1. So far so good one day into the trial period. I'm still caving but I'm still doing stuff for me too.

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  6. I think it's difficult for a lot of us to put ourselves first. I have been struggling with that a lot. I gotta work on it every day. I hope you do what you can to put yourself first.

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    1. It certainly is hard when its ingrained.

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  7. I understand what you're saying about IVF. Sorry about the pain and the weight gain. Still thinking of you and hoping things get better soon.

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    1. I'm wondering if I should even think about going back to IUIs.

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  8. These are all hard lessons to learn, just as Joanna said above. To be honest, I'm relieved to hear the last one. IVF sucks emotionally, financially, physically. But there is SO much pressure for each cycle to work, I'm going to be living by your words until I have reason to believe it worked. I'm so sorry you've had to go through so much to learn all of these lessons. I hope that someday very soon you get your miracle and all of this will have made you a better mother for it!

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    1. The two week wait is very stressful. I don't advocate stopping all of what we did before because life is too precious but I don't advocate doing silly stuff that would cause injury to our bodies during that waiting period either.

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