Monday, May 20, 2013

The Loss of a Non-Pregnancy

The lab work is in:
P4 was 14.10
E2 was 174
Beta less than 1.

After I got my numbers I got a dressing down by Nurse JF at my Army clinic for "banging on the back door" and "requesting labs that weren't ordered".  She said I was inconsiderate.  Since the nurses weren't in yet it had to be a certain doctor that complained.  The other doctors have instructed me to knock on the back door if the front door is locked.  I was just doing what I was told to do.

Let me say this, I checked the front door which should have been opened at 0730 hrs and it wasn't.  I knocked on the back door when I saw Mjr. S scoot in.  Yeah she saw me coming.  The very doctor that did my SIS and hurt me in the process.  So she finally came to the door with my knock and wanted to know I needed.  I told her what wasn't ordered and she told me to go around to the front as the nurses weren't in yet and have C order it.

This hospital, in general and not just the RE clinic, has lost records and faxes before.  They have forgotten to put in lab request and have forgotten to send lab reports to other offices.  They never sent over the SIS and HIV results that were needed for this DE IVF cycle, or my P4 results from the last ultrasound or the Beta draw from last week.  This is sloppy.  I have to be my own advocate if I'm to get better treatment.

I asked Nurse JF today if I can still get an appointment to address my pelvic pain.  She said I would have to go to OB/GYN.  I asked her if I was being dismissed from the clinic.  Any wonder why I would think that after being giving a dressing down for knocking and asking for lab draws?  Nurse JF tells me that I'm not being dismissed and wanted to know why I would think that.  I said that I'm getting old.  She tells me I'm not that old then asks just how old I am.  I tell her that I'll be 44 in July and she said something like, "well you will be then.".  Gee thanks I'm thinking  I didn't know the Army had a cut off on doing ultrasounds and blood work.  Sheesh.

After I hang up I have a good cry if there is such a thing.  I call my mom and give her the bad news.  She says she understands how I feel.  I explain to her that she doesn't understand and that I don't expect her to understand how I feel since she is a mom and has two children with never a miscarriage.  She tells me, "I would have carried it for you."  Mom got to go J is calling me....thank God!  I'd rather not have to tell my mom that no thanks but you are near 70 and don't have a uterus.  But she was trying to be thoughtful so I was glad for the call waiting beep.

Later I call J's parents and tell them what happened and that we were using donor eggs.  The fault seems to lie with his sperm now from what we can tell.  We'll be doing a WTF appointment as soon as we can schedule one.

Nurse JF calls me back and she can here me crying and asks me what is wrong.  Really?  So I tell her that my heart is breaking through hiccups.  She doesn't sound very sympathic nor apologetic.  Since she was the one that gave me the bad news and then a dressing down she should at least understand a bit being the fact of where she works.

She tells me that Dr.B., one of whom did my Lap last June, is willing to see me at 1400 hrs today for my pelvic pain.  I swear if they try to say one more blasted time it is my bowels without even looking I'm going to scream.  I had that said to me twice last week without an exam.  Each time I tell them no I drink about 120 ounce of water a day and eat plenty of fiber.  I have BMs usually twice a day thank you very much!  I'm not constipated which can usually happen to a woman on the PIO shots.

I'm thinking it is either cysts from the estrogen I was on for five weeks or the endometriosis which gets aggravated by the estrogen.  I have bilateral pelvic pain.  I hope I stated that right.  Left and right lower quadrant pelvic pain.  If I move too quickly, bounce or stretch the pelvic region when trying to do morning stretches I have a lot of pain.  I'm not ruling out hernia but I doubt it since it is on both sides.


56 comments:

  1. Oh hun :( (*HUGS*) I'm sorry for the negative, I'm sorry for the way your clinic is treating you, and I wish things were different for you.

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    1. Sad to say but I'm getting used to it.

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  2. I'm speechless at their lack of compassion. (((HUGS)))

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    1. I don't think they know how to be compassionate.

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  3. I am so sorry. I can't believe they treat you that way. Especially after what you just went though.

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    1. If it was civilian I'd say maybe it was because they are afraid I'm lowering their stats but they are military. Well maybe they have stats they need to worry about too?

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  4. Ugh I can't believe they would be so heartless. So sorry dear.

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    1. There are days where I wonder if the nursing staff got any training in compassion.

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  5. I'm so sorry, Rebecca. Failed IVF cycles are incredibly hard and I was so hopeful about this cycle. Take the time you need to heal and process. Don't worry about getting answers or figuring all of this out now. Thinking of you.

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    1. Sometimes it is so hard for me to think about this as being an IVF cycle but it was sort of but with donor eggs.

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  6. Just clicked over from another blog. I'm so sorry you were treated like that ... so cruel and unnecessary. You're right, they should have more empathy.

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    1. I think if they had to show compassion they'd request a pay raise.

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  7. I'm so sorry. :( It is horrible how you are being treated. I hope you find the cause of the pain. I used to get that pain from my fibroid until it was removed, so your feeling that it is endo pain made worse by estrogen is probably right on the mark.

    Sending you hugs, tea, chocolate and anything else you can think of over the internet.

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    1. The doctor figured out it was the adeonomyosis this time since the mass had grown or so the ultrasound showed.

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  8. Ohhhh I am so so sorry :( This is not the news anyone had hoped for. And geez...what is wrong with that nurse? NOT NICE AT ALL!! Hang in there girl xo

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  9. I'm so sorry! And sorry you have to deal with such a heartless nurse.

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    1. There are a few heartless nurses at my clinic, wonder if they all went to the same "bed side manner" class.

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  10. So sorry about the results, but then to have been treated so poorly -- that's just not acceptable. I hope you were able to get some answers about your pelvic pain this afternoon.

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    1. The pelvic pain was from the Adenomyosis getting worse. It showed up as having grown on the ultrasound. I also have endometriosis.

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  11. I'm so sorry for the negative, that is so hard. And to have to deal with rude nurses on top of it, well, that sucks. Sending hugs.

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    1. The nursing staff at my clinic needs to have attitude adjustments.

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  12. Here from ICLW- huge hugs to you! What a horribly frustrating experience. As if a BFN isn't bad enough- to have a nurse treat you with so little compassion- it's awful. Have a big glass of wine and some chocolate- it won't fix anything, but it sure will taste good in the moment! Thinking of you...

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    1. I had some chocolate last night...so yummy and I share it with my husband too. He too needs some comfort right now.

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  13. I'm so sorry. The pelvic pain and the treatment by the staff at your clinic sounds horrible. Hope you get relief soon.

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    1. No pain killers were prescribed to me because of issues with my liver. Basically I just have to suck up the endo and adenomyosis pain.

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  14. I'm just so sorry. And that nurse on top of everything else? No, no, no.

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    1. Bad nurse, no cookie! As a matter of fact I've complained about this clinic in my blog numerous times. They suck!

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  15. I have no idea what else to say. It's been a while since I've blog-stalked you and this breaks my heart.

    <3 to you.

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    1. I'm hoping that one of our options will soon yield a happy ending.

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  16. Oh Rebecca, I just don't have the words for you. That nurse sounds vile. I wish you had my fertility nurse Hanlie, she was such a star.
    I really hope the doner egg thing works out.
    I am sorry about the phone call with your mom, it becomes so hard when you're going through all this to maintain good relationships with those you love especially with those who didn't have a problem. My mom was also very fertile, and she did then"just relax" thing... I'm sure your mom means well and just wants to support you in any way she can, even if it doesn't come across the right way.

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    1. My mom was lucky to get pregnant with my dad's super low sperm count.

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  17. Crap, I'm so sorry Rebecca... just getting caught up on everything now. Really can't believe this didn't work. Hope you can refocus after taking some time to grieve and gradually make some next steps forward.

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    1. Vanessa I had such hope. J and I are going over options when we get more results in hand.

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  18. Wow, they seem to suck! I'm sorry.

    Here via ICLW.

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    1. Unfortunately I'm not the only one who has had sucky care by this particular army clinic.

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  19. I really dislike your clinic. My heart hurts for you. I'm disgusted by the way that nurse treated you. Grrrr! I wish I had words of comfort all I can do is send you a cyber hug. So...BIG HUG!! AND POSITIVE VIBES!!!!

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    1. It gets better when I went to the appt I had for that afternoon. After the doctor amended me and determined it was the adenomyosis that had grown according to the ultrasound I got a dressing down from him about he knocking at the back door. Seriously? I then told him about his staff's slip ups of which he said he didn't know about and will speak with them in the next staff meeting.

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  20. I am also frustrated by the "care" or lack there of that they are giving you! Utterly ridiculous! I'm so sorry for what you are going through with them. On top of everything you are going through fertility wise you would think they would be a little more sincere...or at least afraid considering some of us can get pretty crazy when on fertility meds!
    hugs to you and shame on the clinic!
    ~Melia

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  21. Thanks for visiting my blog for ICLW. I am so sorry you are having to go through all of this. I never knew it was possible to grieve so strongly for something you lost before you had the chance to really have it, but with many BFN's under my belt as well, I know that you certainly can! I hope they can get to the bottom of your pelvic pain and wish you the best of luck in the future. I'll be following along!

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  22. I'm so sorry. For the negative. For the shitty way they are treating you. For the pelvis pain. For all of it. This just sucks and there's no other way to put it.

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  23. I am so sorry that you are going through a hard time, and I am so sorry that the medical staff haven't shown you much compassion. That is disappointing for ME to hear, I can't imagine what that must feel like -- and on top of everything you are having to deal with.

    Hello from ICLW and a hug from me too xx

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  24. I hate that the medical community is so rude and cold. Hence the reason why I quit and joined the cruel and sadistic community of University teaching!

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  25. Ugh! I remember how annoying Army medical care can be. (I'm an army brat...both Mom and Dad are LTC ret.)

    Hi from ICLW! I'm looking forward to following along!

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  26. Hi from ICLW...I am so sorry about the negative beta and the horrible treatment that the clinic is giving you

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  27. Sounds like your clinic is a tough place especially some of the nurses. I hope you are feeling better soon and you get to the bottom of the pelvic pain... that can't be comfortable.

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  28. Your nurese sounds bloody terrible. I am so sorry for what you have been through. I really hope they treat you better and you get to the bottom of the pelvic pain.

    I'm popping in from ICLW and looking forward to following your blog.

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  29. Rebecca, I am so sorry. :( and what a HORRIBLE nurse! sending you tons of hugs girly!

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  30. Your patience is better than mine when it comes to that nurse.... I'm very sorry about the BFN. :( The ups & downs of this journey are not fun at all. I used to be stationed in WA, so if you're visiting the hospital on the installation I was at, I can only imagine the frustration. Either way, hang in there and don't give up. I look forward to hearing about your BFP soon!! :)

    Bree
    ICLW #6

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