Thursday, July 28, 2011


Yesterday was a disaster.  I cried.  Yes I cried on my birthday.  Not once, not twice but many times.

Yesterday I got my feelings hurt by my own mom.

Yesterday I faced up to some facts.

First off I have to remove that which causes harm to me and my lifestyle.

Second I have to take responsibility for my own actions and reactions.  In other words I too need to grow up a bit more.

Third, I need to realize that I am not a door mat and I do deserve to be treated better.  I need to set my value higher, expect more, demand more, and take less crap. 

Four, saying "NO" is okay.  I don't have to please everybody all of the time.  Why should I when they don't try to please me?

Five, life is about the survival of the fittest.  Maybe my genes aren't fit to pass on but I'm going to give it all I've got until they tell me I'm being unreasonable.

Number six, friendship, love, admiration and respect are all fine gifts.  They aren't earned easily nor given lightly.  If you are my friend it is because you have shown the qualities of friendship that I deem necessary in that relationship we have.  I expect the same with what I give to you.

Last, number seven, lucky number seven.  I need to come first because in the end I take care of me.

I am who I am because of my relationships, my past experiences and what I go through each and every day just to get out of bed.  I try to make each new day a new chance at life.  Some days I fail other days I succeed.  I prefer to not be defined by my infertility, fibromyalgia, food allergies, hypertension, etc.  I prefer to be defined by my personality, accomplishments, and interests.  However, I do need special considerations as needed for my medical conditions.

Today my tears have dried.

Today I apologize for not being the best me possible.

Today I put my big girl panties on.


  1. Sorry you had a rough day (*HUGS*) I think we can all relate to that. But I'm sorry things have been so rough for you, and I hope that things get better soon. Thinking of you.

  2. I don't know much about your mom but I really don't like her... you, however, seem to be an incredibly loving, giving, creative, and wonderful human being. Funny how that works.

    I found your blog searching for ovarian cysts because I'm dealing with my umpteenth one and it's 6 cm. It's on my right side, and I'm terrified it's going to damage the ovary. I had a cantaloupe sized one on my left side a few years ago that I had to have surgically removed and the dr said it had scarred my ovary so much she didn't think I'd be able to use it.

    It's strange... my honey and I had decided a decade before that we didn't want children and then that happened and suddenly I felt like the choice was no longer mine, and I felt deprived. Incomplete. Suddenly I find myself thinking maybe I do want children. And now it's a distinct possibility that it may not happen. And while it's not nearly the same as wanting children for a long time and trying and trying, the feelings you describe seem painfully familiar.

    I agree SO MUCH with your statement a few entries back: why can't it be easy for women who WANT to get pregnant to do so, and for those who DON'T to have the difficulty? That would be so much easier all around!

    So I shall now continue to blogstalk you. Interesting how I can stumble upon this blog and feel such a strange connection.

    Sending you the best,


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