Time For ART

It never ceases to amaze me how just one phone call can change one's life.  I got a phone call yesterday that did just that and left me in tears.

Not only am I not pregnant, of which I knew I wasn't, but now I have to take the next two cycles off from the medications.  I wasn't told what the progesterone levels were but I was told that it wasn't good.  No more clomiphene citrate for me because all it does is create cysts in me, even on the lowest possible dosage.

I was told that there was a long waiting list for IVF to get on to next July's schedule.  I was told that 43 is the cut off age.  Considering I'll be 42 this month I'll be too old next year.  The nurse then tells me that because I'm such a good patient they might be able to squeeze me into the next round of IVF cycle.  How am I a good patient?  What makes me all that different from any other woman trying to conceive?

Nurse Mi then tells me that there are other procedures they could try.  I can't remember the name she used but its akin to the GIFT procedure in technique from what I could understand.  She tells me to call back when I'm ready to schedule a consult.

The only thing I was ready for yesterday was to book the motel rooms for the next leg of our vacation.  Seriously I had the three window open for the bookings.  We had decided to leave today for the 4 day 3 night trip around Mt. St. Helen's and Mt. Rainer.

J and I talked.  We agreed that the IVF and other ART (assisted reproductive technologies) were more important than any vacation we could possibly spend money on.  So we ended our vacation.  He is still on leave but we are going back to being frugal.  IVF is $7,500.00 USD per try.  We might need more than one try too.

I called the RE's office this morning and set up a consult for later this month.  Nurse Mi was busy so I chatted with Nurse M on speaker so that my husband could be part of this discussion.  She said she wasn't sure what Nurse Mi said yesterday for ART but that IVF will be our best bet.  If we do a GIFT its going to be costly.  I understand.  I'm prepared.  J is prepared.  She said the injectibles alone could run into the thousands of dollars.  Well we'll see what the insurance will cover and what it won't.  We'll deal with the bills as they come due.

We want a child of our own.  Yes, we still want to adopt a second child.  But for us its important to experience the whole process of having a child first.  We want to feel the child move within the womb.  We want to have the excitement of the ultrasounds.  We want to experience the labor.  After we have one we will adopt.  Its something we've agreed upon.  Most likely we'll do foster to adopt.  But for us its that important to have the first one ourselves.

Knowing that we might not get that chance now with these blasted cysts is driving us crazy.  I have eggs, plenty of them but they aren't doing what they should.  We've already wasted so much time doing the clomiphene citrate route too.  But we listened to our doctors.  Now we are running out of time.

For someone that badly wants a baby being told it might not ever happen is just devastating.  I actually told my husband that if he wanted a divorce so that he could go find someone else that could give him kids I would do it and understand.  He, thankfully, doesn't want a divorce.  He said that if we can't have kids he and I will just get counseling to deal with it.  We are in counseling already because trying to conceive is very taxing on a couple and can rip them apart.  The hormones that I take don't make me the nicest of people to be around.  Because he doesn't have to take hormones he isn't all that understanding of what I'm going through and feels helpless with the mood swings.  Its akin to me being pregnant all the time but without the happy end result.

So that is where we stand.  For those close to me that receive holiday gifts its going to be slim gift giving this year.  We are now putting all of our money into one pile to create a baby.  I hope that you understand.