3 hour Glucose Test

Wasn't too bad today.  I didn't like getting stuck four times but the drink was tolerable after the zofran I popped earlier in the morning.

As for the numbers, all I know is the fasting number was 94.

Oh and it took three and three quarter hours for the test.

Weekend Review

Totally missed church this morning.  I was that comatose that I barely heard J open the garage door.

The head cold is in day 6.

I have 3 PIO shots left in this cycle and 2 more patch application days.  1 January is the last day for both.

Bugsy has been official adopted out to J and I.  The guy that adopted him from a pet store came to his senses and realized that our cat would be best with us since we have had him longer.  He came over with all the paperwork he had, not much but still medical history is always nice to have.  I'm very happy to have that situation resolved.

Went shopping yesterday for a baby shower gift.  Bought one item pre-made and some yarn to make a gift.

J and I went to the PX and bought Bugsy 30 tubs of Meow Mix wet food in his two favorite flavors.  Then we bought him more wet food at Petco and a toy.  The toy is one of those soothers that can be heated in the microwave.  I thought maybe he might like this since we are getting his teeth cleaned next month and he hates going to the vet.

We also went to Trader Joes were I purchase my normal monthly supply of unsalted nuts.  I live off of nuts since they are a good source of protein and portable.  I put a quarter cup in a zip lock baggie to take with me when I'll be out for the day.

Last stop of the day was Babies R Us.  I wanted to price browse.  Found only one stroller with an adjustable height handle and they had just sold the last one on the floor earlier.  Read the print out reviews on it and was a little disappointed to find it had a small bag shelf and no cup holder plus gave a really bumpy ride.  I'll keep looking.  J has been looking at some strollers on line and the price point he has been looking at chokes me a bit.  $600-$1000.00 for a stroller.  Crazy amount but since we are going to have just the one child and safety is a big issue for us I want to get the best we can afford.

Back to disappointment at Babies R Us.  I found one crib.  Just one crib made in the USA!  I asked another clerk if she knew if there were more products made in the USA in the store.  She said give her a minute and that yes they had a really small selection she would help me find.  I ended up waiting 10 minutes by the Hello Kitty furniture with no clerk coming back.  Annoyed!

Checked out the cloth diapers.  They had the G diapers which I didn't like or the old fashioned pre folds by Birdseye.  I was hoping they'd have gro-via or something similar.  Well at least J now has an idea of what I'm looking for in cloth diapers.  He'll not be surprised by the price tag or what he'll be diapering his kid with now.

Today we have to get a few perishable items from the Commissary on the installation.

Tomorrow is the 3 hour glucose test.  I've been following the gestational diabetes diet since the 26th and have now lost 2 pounds.  I am not trying to lose weight.  Yesterday, I forgot to mention, we stopped by Jack in the Box for lunch.  I ate my burger but couldn't finish my fries or drink.  Still I ate plenty yesterday with all my snacks and meals.  I'm a bit concerned that I'm losing weight and eating more.  I'm still obese so I'm sure the doctors won't be concerned since they are usually too over burdened with all the pregnancies they have to attend to on the installation.  I swear the women on post breed like rabbits.  Well I know they don't but when I was trying for years and all I saw were swollen bellies around me it felt like that.

If any of my readers have links to more Made in USA products please post them in the comments.  I'm going to try to purchase as much  made in the USA for my baby as possible.  I get so tired of seeing made in China on everything at the PX, Babies R Us and other stores.  My baby was made in the USA and I'd like to proudly have my child wear and use products made in its homeland.

So Far So Good

Yesterday, with a little research, I started on the gestational diabetes diet.  Less nausea was experienced this morning upon waking up.

I got on the scale, yes I still weigh myself daily, and found that I had lost 1.2 pounds.  I'm not trying to lose weight but maintain my weight and eat healthy.

With a bit more research today I found that quite possibly the estrogen patches, progesterone shots and my blood pressure medicine, of which is a combination alpha and beta blocker and beta blockers can cause sugar to rise, might be some of the culprit in failing the one hour glucose test.  However my OB team is aware, geez I hope they are aware with all the paperwork I had to fill out and hand in earlier this month of which they read over, of what medications that I take.

Fingers crossed I get good results on Monday's test.  Probably won't find out the results until the new year.

Gestational Diabetes

You read correctly.  Gestational Diabetes.

I had my 1 hour glucose test on Monday.  Just a few minutes ago I thought I had the test on Friday.  Yes, brain fog wins again.  I got a call while in the shower.  I listened to the message and called Labor and Delivery where my medical professional told me to call as she was working there today.

Monday I'll have to go in for the 3-4 hour glucose test.  She doesn't like the fact that Dr. Holland prescribed me Phenergan, nor do I.  So she is prescribing me the Zofran as she doesn't want me to puke during the test on Monday.  I haven't been taking the phenergan because I'm afraid of hurting the fetus.

So this really sucks.  I was just fine sugar wise before the pregnancy.  As a matter of fact I have a tendency to be hypoglycemic as in not enough sugar.  Figures I'd go the opposite end while pregnant.  Still not gaining weight so it isn't from me indulging in every sweet thing I can stuff into my mouth either.

The medical person that called me was truly surprised that I have diabetes this early on.  I did fill her in on the family history with my dad being a diabetic, and my mother being borderline diabetic.

Let the good times roll!

Now I have to figure in sugar and carb restriction into my already low sodium diet.  This is going to suck when I move as we all know convenience foods and fast foods are truly the only available option when driving cross country in the summer with a pet in the car.  I'm not going to leave my cat in the car to roast just because I want a healthy sit down meal.  I'll have to pack a cooler, that is going to be fun fitting that in the car with the crate, yes a crate, for the cat.

The vet suggested I purchase a crate to put the kennel, litter box and dishes in when we travel this summer.  I want Bugsy to have room to move about so I'll do just that.  Now I'm trying to figure out how to fit him, a couple suitcases, a cooler and my husband's gear in the small suv.  Think I'll be doing to pre-packing well before the move to make sure I can fit all that is necessary into the suv.

Oh and any lovely desserts I was still planning on making for my husband before he deploys aren't going to get made as only he will be eating them.  The PAKE, chocolate cake with a cherry pie baked in it, has only had two slices eaten from it.  Though delicious it is way too sweet for my liking.

This morning I finally got around to eating breakfast of two eggs scrambled with mozzarella cheese at 1130 hrs. because I slept in from the terrible cold I received as an extra special Christmas gift.  I am trying to eat healthy.

Battle For Bugsy

Yesterday two teenage girls knocked on my front door.  I answered the door and was immediately accused of stealing their cat.

I said to the girls that I do not have your cat that I have my cat.

They then wanted to see him.  I obliged.  I let them hold him.  Bugsy did  not like to be held by them.  Strange as he loves to be held by most others.  The girls then said that he doesn't like to be held.

They then tried to take the cat from my house.  I said that they were emotionally upsetting me and would have to leave.  They said they would return with their mom and the paperwork to prove it was their cat.

I was fine with that.  The cat is still mine as he is chipped in my husband's name and registered in my husband's name on the installation.  If he had been owned by any one else on the installation legally he would have to have been chipped in their name and registered on post as the installation requires to do so within 10 days of getting a pet.  All the information can be found here: http://www.jblmmwr.com/vet_clinic.html

I followed the rule and tried to find his owner.  I spoke with the lady that owned him and was chipped in her name.  She was fine with me adopting him.  We had her call the microchip company and put my husband's name on the chip as the pet's owner.

So the girls come back with another girl that I swear if she is the mother she must be the step mother and about 14 years of age.  I looked through their paperwork.  Yes, I saw that they had purchased the cat and his chip number matched.  I asked why they didn't register him on post.  They said they did.  I said that he is my cat and not theirs.  They didn't like that and left.

Later the father came by with the paperwork again.  We went over my paperwork and his.  I had to call in the Military Police with the hope that they could set this man straight on the ownership of the pet.  They told us we would have to go to small claims court.

Seriously these folks bought the cat in May and renamed him Mufasa.  It ran away from them twice according to the first owner who was called twice about the cat being missing and found again.  The cat then ended up with another neighbor on another street over in June.  The cat, Mufasa now Garfield, then ran away from the newer owner in July.  He was severely malnourished when I ended up taking him in on 28 September.  I had permission from Garfield's owner to keep him if I found him.

I went online to Craig's list, Lewis McChord yard sales, Facebook, and asked around the neighborhood if anyone was missing an orange tabby.  No one was missing a cat.  Mufasa's owners said that they gave up the cat for dead 6 months ago.  They made no attempt to put out food for him or find him.

So what the heck are they doing now trying to take Bugsy away from me.  I found out his first name from his first owner who had him from the age of 5 weeks.  I found out his food likes, dislikes and toy likes.  I made sure his shots were up to date.  I made sure the veterinary clinic on the installation was away that he was a possible stray/runaway.  They kept me alerted and were even thinking this past week of placing a kitten with me to foster to adopt until I told them I'd be PCSing and was pregnant.  Pregnant women have to be extra careful when taking in new pets because of things like ring worm and scabies.

I spent my entire afternoon crying.  Yes, even when the father of the girls was here.  He told me I needed to calm down.  Well and good but you are trying to take away my fur baby.

He said to J and I that he doesn't think it will come to a court date.  To him the cat is just a cat and he said that too.  The man owns a large breed dog, a mastiff.  He fed the cat fish food that he gives to the fish in the tank.  He has four children that Bugsy obviously does not like.  That family abandoned him and left him for dead.  In my opinion they have no legal claim.  I offered the man the $25 he most likely paid for Bugsy since he was over 2 years of age at the time of adoption.  The ASPCA has a $70 charge to adopt a kitten and this past spring it was $25 to adopt a mature cat.  The man declared he paid more than that.  I looked at J and told him to go to the ATM and get $100 to give to the man.  The man shook his head to that too.

So court it is.  If he calls and tries to take MY CAT away from me I'll tell him to take me to court.  He violated the military installation policy.  I did nothing wrong.  The cat is legally mine or I should say legally my husband's cat.

There was a lot more dialogue that went on.  I didn't swear.  I did cry a lot to the point that my eyes are swollen and feeling like they are full of sand this morning.  I didn't sleep well either.  Maybe an hour or two of sleep.  Fun considering I have to get all my pregnancy blood work done this morning which will be about 10 vials of blood.

I'm going to say it again:  HE IS MY CAT!

**** Update at 1000 hrs****

My husband called the veterinary clinic on post.  We own the cat.  The man who is trying to take our cat from us does have a cat and a dog registered on post.  He has a mastiff listed for the dog.  For the cat it is a black and white cat.  NO ORANGE TABBY.  The man lied to us about registering his Mufasa.

J is going to chat with legal about what we can do to protect our cat.  Our cat is not just a piece of property as the other man called it when he spoke to the military police at our house.  Our cat is family!

Happy Yule

I celebrate the blessings of the season.  J and I handfasted 10 years ago on Yule and will be celebrating together tomorrow.

Now for those you that don't want to see an ultrasound photo then I suggest you not read any further.

Much to my delight I'm still pregnant.  With the cramping and spotting I've had I did begin to wonder.  Though the progesterone does work wonders to stave off bleeding I'm very frightened that I'll lose this pregnancy.

In a few weeks I'll be further along in pregnancy than I ever have before.  I'm scared.  I'm happy.  But I'm very afraid that I'll be smitted for being happy and lose the baby.

J tried to take some photos of the ultrasound.  I got the old machine today.  How old?  Well it is so old that it doesn't list CRL or the Yolk sac or anything else pertaining to gestational age or heart beat on the machine's screen.   So yes, that old.  Now if only the Army budget could include some much needed money for medical we'd be all set.  Maybe some forget but not all soldiers are male.  I saw quite a few pregnant females in uniform today.

Oh and don't get me started on the condition of the treatment rooms.  Small, dirty, and I think the newest item in there was the table.  I could see via the permanent stains on the floor where the old table sat.  The fabric on the seats were badly stained too.

Well to the point of the post.  Look away now if it hurts to see a pregnancy photo because I'm going to post a photo and details.

Heart beat was on track at 158 for the gestational age of 8 weeks and 4 days.  Next ultrasound will in all likelihood be in late January when I meet my new OB team.  J could see a lot more than I could while the OB was doing the transuterine ultrasound. Yes, I finally made it to a transuterine ultrasound that wasn't looking for cysts.  Milestone there!  The OB did notice, without us telling him, that I have a cyst on my left ovary.  I told him the RE office knows it is there and it is a sac of scar tissue.

J saw that that baby is facing my right hip right now.  I guess he also got to see it waving its limbs.  Wish I could have seen that one.  Maybe next ultrasound.

J won't get to see the next ultrasound because he'll be deployed but I can always get a picture for him.

Oh I was prescribe a stool softener but I already had that particular one on hand so I didn't pick it up at the pharmacy.  However I did pick up the phenergan as that might come in handy.  I'm allowed to take Tylenol for the ligament, pelvic and back pain.  J asked me if I had another question for the doctor.  I couldn't think of any.  I swear he was turning red with embarrassment.  Then I realized.  Oh yes, "doctor are we now allowed to have sex?".  Yes was the OB's answer to J's relief.  Poor man gets so embarrassed.  I'm just absentminded and seeing the ultrasound of the baby blanked my mind.  I did tell my husband that sex will depend on my pain level and puking.  He understands.  I do miss the closeness that sex brings since we didn't get the fun of conceiving this baby with the "normal" fun most couples get.

Phone Silence on My End

My brother is now at my parents house.  He'll be there a week.  I won't be calling my parents during that week.  Mom said she'll call me.  My brother has yet to accept the fact that I'm pregnant.  What is there to accept?  It isn't his kid!

Mom is saddened by the fact that I'm choosing not to call until he leaves.  The reason being is that if Brian is near the phone and he sees that it is me calling he'll refuse to pick up.  So why should I bother to call if it will just be ignored?

Plus I don't want to deal with the added stress.

Mind you when I move back East this is going to make the holidays very interesting.  Brian likes to come home for all of the holidays when possible.  Does this mean with my spouse's schedule our child may never spend a holiday with my parents?  Quite possible.

Brian is annoying at his best.  He is immature.  He still likes to be the center of attention.  Is it any wonder he is still single?

Discussing the Digestive Issues

Friday I have my 8 week ultrasound.  I'll be a bit over 8 weeks but I'm not keeping actual track of how long as the baby is going to grow at its own pace.

I'll be asking for zofran and miralax.  I'm sure those of you that are pregnant or have children can guess why.  It doesn't matter how much fiber I eat right now.  Oh and at night before bed I start puking up.  I wake up with a hard stomach full of gas where upon I start belching from 0410 hrs until 0600 hrs when I lie back down.  I get up that early to get the injection done before J leaves for work and take my other morning meds without food as they have to be taken without food.

At around 0900 hrs when I finally drag my dizzy head out of bed and attempt to stand without blacking out I make my way to the bathroom.  Mind you I've been going every hour any way but by 0900 hrs my back hurts so bad.  I had major back issues before I got pregnant.

Breakfast has been consisting of 8 to 10 ounce of V8 Fusion juice and either a Zone Perfect bar or granola bar of which has so far the past two mornings been staying down.  Just a lot of belching after.

Lunch time meal is usually an organic frozen dinner that I pop into the oven for 35-50 minutes to bake.  I've been staying clear of the microwave.

Later in the day I'll have various protein snacks, some dairy or veggies.  Peanuts or peanut butter just makes me vomit.  I'm afraid to open the jar of almond butter I have on hand for fear of it doing similar.

I've been skipping dinner as the nausea usually gets too bad around 1700 hrs.  J ends up eating a meals I've directed him on how to cook while I work on a jigsaw puzzle at the dining room table.  Sometimes I need to leave the room if something is too pungent.  Last week the smell of the  Lemongrass chicken organic frozen meal I cooked for myself was too overwhelming.  J loved it.  I couldn't eat it.

At this point it seems to be rice and crackers with a bit of fruit.  I lost half a pound this week.  We'll see what the OB says on Friday.  Fingers crossed we can get some zofran because the pepcid AC I have to take to replace the prilosec I used to have prescribed is not enough.  GERD and an ulcer suck when pregnant.

Oh and I never said I wouldn't complain about being ill during my pregnancy.  While I am very thankful I am pregnant I could do without the morning sickness that is  making my other issues worse.

Lady Catherine, the Earl and the Real Downton Abbey

While reading this book I had to sympathize with Lady Catherine.  My first marriage was a total disaster.

Though I am by no means royalty there was scandal and a police record which dragged my good name through the mud.  The divorce was public knowledge.  My spouse was openly having an affair with another woman.

Oh I didn't get charged with any criminal misconduct but my spouse did.  My spouse was charged with domestic abuse.  It still boggles my mind how he can now hold a job with the state and own a firearm after beating the snot out of me.

From the hospital I called my parents and asked them to get me a lawyer.  My mother showed up right away and cried with me.  We weren't mourning the end of a happy marriage.  We were crying because my face was bruised and swollen.  I had a cut on my knee and bruise on the back of the leg of the same abraded knee.  I was a mess.

Emotionally I had hit my lowest point.  I couldn't go any lower.  Mom took me back to my apartment where I called my landlord to have the locks changed.  My spouse had tried to break in already once.  My mom then took me to the police station where I filed a request for an order of protection.  I needed to feel safe.  I didn't feel safe.

The police came and allowed my spouse to remove his personal possessions from the house.  He asked for his gun.  I told the police that I didn't want him having it as I felt as though he was a threat to me with it in his possession.  They made my parents turn over the weapon to my spouse.  I felt even less safe.  How was my spouse allowed to have a weapon when he had an order of protection out on him?

The system in place to protect family members in the state in which I used to live is flawed.  More often than not the men go free.  Oh I realize that it is "innocent until proven guilty"  but the marks on my body should have been more than enough proof.  His violent history of which our former neighbors could attest to should have been enough.  But it wasn't and he was allowed to have his gun.

I guess the reason why I felt more threatened with him being allowed to have a weapon was because years before he had turned a loaded shot gun on me.  I should have left back then.  But I chalked it up to his jealous rages and a mix of alcohol.

I now look back on that horrible period in my life and often wonder how I escaped.  Somehow I found the strength to move on.  I'm glad that I did.  I have a wonderful life with second husband and we are expecting our first child in July next year.

This post was inspired by Lady Catherine, the Earl, and the Real Downton Abbey by The Countess of Carnarvon. Learn more about the family who lived in Highclere Castle, where the popular British series Downton Abbey is filmed. Join From Left to Write on December 17 we discuss  Lady Catherine, the Earl, and the Real Downton Abbey.  As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

You Know it is One of THOSE Days

....when you open up your box of crackers and the whiff you get sours your stomach.  You opened said box to stave off the nausea.

That is all I'm going to say today.

Odd Dreams

Early this morning I had the oddest dream.  I was holding a conversation with the baby within me.  I couldn't yet see my baby kind of like those dreams where you know you are talking to another person but their face is blurred out.

My baby told me it was a boy and his name.  His name began with an "M".  I can't remember his name.  Wish I could.  I haven't even considered boy names or even names that begin with an "M".  I've been good at picking out girl names for years but I've always left the names for boys up to my husband.  I suppose I'll soon hopefully have a dream where the baby tells me it is a girl and her name as well.  I mean fair is fair and one must mess with my unconscious mind!

In other news, the lab results for my TSH came in yesterday afternoon.  Finally it looks as though my thyroid is getting under control.  TSH was 2.2 and I'm to stay on the 75 mcg of synthroid.  No clue when the next  lab test for that will be.

In January I'll be doing my intake appointment with OB.  For now they are just doing the job of the RE office because of the issue I had with a doctor next door.

Oh and Chris at the RE office was wonderful on getting the TSH report right over to PNW yesterday.  However, Jennifer Frye never did get the ultrasound report sent to PNW yesterday after Dr. Curlin was done with it.

I had to call the RE office this morning and ask Jennifer Frye to send over the ultrasound report.  She was fine with doing that but there was no apology for her forgetting to do it yesterday.  This RE office at Madigan is horrible about sending lab requests to the lab, faxing results to another department let alone an outside clinic or working with their clients on a plan to get pregnant.  More often than not with my treatments I would get the "you know what to do" from them even when I was on bed rest or trying for timed intercourse.  If I knew what to do would I be asking for their help?  If I knew what to do I'd be walking around with a stethoscope and script pad dispensing advice and getting paid for it.  I went to the RE office with the hope that THEY knew what they were doing.

Oh don't mind me.  I'm a bit cranky today as my computer when turned on decided it wanted to do updates today and didn't want to be its normal work horse.  I ended up using my tablet for my Etsy shop, email and initially blogger too.  Not that the tablet isn't handy but I prefer using a full keyboard and not the single finger method when I have a lot of typing to do.  In order for me to use the keyboard that is near full sized with the tablet I have to remove its outer case (otter box) and connect it to a keyboard that then plugs into a wall outlet.  Major pain in the ass when I'm not in the mood to monkey with things.  I would use my husband's laptop if he didn't take it with him to work.  So this is me being a whiny bitch today.  Mostly likely due to a headache and the fact that my first meal of the day was lunch because I was doing laundry and fighting with technology.  Excuses, excuses.

New Clinic

Today was my first time going to an OB.  I have to say I was pleasantly surprised at how I was treated by the staff.  I already knew the receptionist as she used to work for the RE office and she was happy to see me.

My nurse was friendly and happy to see that I was type to joke around a bit.  My doctor was wonderful and looks an awful lot like Dr. Burney.  Dr. Curlin has stated that even in the OR he has been mistaken for Dr. Burney.  Great personality and from what I've googled about him not a bad doctor either.

Next appointment has been bumped up to December 20th as they didn't have any openings available on the 23rd in the OB clinic.  So I won't actually have a 9 week appointment but close enough I guess and I won't complain.  I'll be seeing a civilian doctor R. Holland that is on temporary contract to the Army hospital here.

Chris, the receptionist over at the RE office, is still going to help me out as much as possible.  Today as soon as my TSH lab results were in he faxed them out to PNW.  I should be hearing back from PNW later this afternoon.  I have no clue about the number on the results.  Earlier this summer my husband bought Chris three transformers for his desk space since someone had walked off with the one he had there.

In the exam room the nurse wheeled in a machine that I swear was the mutant baby of ED 209.  Instead of firing bullets it would of course use its wands to attack.  That machine was huge.

Even though the machine was huge the screen was turned away from me the whole time.  My husband got to see the action.  I guess I should have asked to see a bit.

One sac was found.  So no it is not twins.  I am a bit saddened that one didn't make it but twins would have been an awful burden on my body and PCSing next summer to the next duty station a month before my due date with twins would have been just plain hell with a cross country trek!

We heard the heart beat.  125 bpm.

The fetus is measuring 6 weeks 3 days to 6 weeks 6 days depending on the angle/view of the wand.  So basically right on track.

I have no clue as to which embryo took. I'm betting it was the one that looked like it had a smiling face in it in the transfer photo.  The only way I'll know if it was the donor egg with J's sperm or the donor embryo will be simple DNA testing later on.  I'm sure that will be an out-of-pocket expense too.  I'm not worried but knowing would help with future medical issues that might crop up over the years.

Transferred to OB Early

While this isn't a perfect solution it is a solution that hopefully will work.  Dr. Beasley called my home phone while I was out yesterday getting a tree to let me know that they are going to open an investigation up on Dr. Saunders.  In the meanwhile since she will be the only doctor in the clinic on Monday and my appointment is on Monday Dr. Beasley has moved me over to the OB clinic.

I will be seeing Dr. Curlin at 1030 hrs on Monday for an ultrasound.  He is actually Dr. Beasley's boss or so he said.  I still have a bit of anxiety in moving over to OB this soon as J and I were discussing actually picking an OB off post since the OB on post is crowded with patients that it is hard to get seen, especially if you have a possible high risk pregnancy.

I might not be considered high risk.
Why?  I'm not sure.  After looking over all the guidelines I thought for sure I'd fall into the high risk category under the weight (200 lbs or more) , age (over 35) , asthma, thyroid, and hypertension (long standing at 4+ years of being on meds) issues.  Seems that because they are so over crowded I'd be only considered high risk if I were also carrying twins, of which we don't know if I am or not as of yet for sure.

I am hoping that my pregnancy will get the much needed care it deserves as I'd hate to lose a pregnancy due to hypertension because they can't fit me into their busy schedules.  Yes that is a big scare to me.  I spoke with Maternal Fetal Medicine two years back and they said I had a 50-50 chance of surviving a pregnancy.  A risk I'm willing to take.  So to not be considered high risk just blows my mind.  I'd love to have an uncomplicated pregnancy where I only had to be seen maybe four times!

I am hoping that Dr. Curlin will be willing to send over the results from the ultrasound and TSH blood draw to PNW.  I do have a fax number to give him and have called over to PNW to let them know about the change of time and change of doctor.  They are glad that I'll be seen by a different doctor as they know I've had problems, so have they, with Dr. Saunders in the past.

TGIF

I'm so glad it is Friday.  I can't even write about how glad I am it is Friday.

I'm not looking forward to Monday's ultrasound and I should be.  I'm afraid to go and end up with Dr. Saunders again.  That is sad because I should be looking forward to seeing the ultrasounds of my baby.

I managed to lose a pound this week.  I vomited only once but have been very nauseated. I'm actively trying to keep my weight gain to a minimum because I am fat.  The less I gain the better for the pregnancy.

Today we doubled the PIO injection to 2cc/ml.   The injection was done at 0430 hrs as per usual.  I went back to bed at 0530 hrs and had the dickens of a time getting out of bed at 1000 hrs.  I got up tried to make the bed, felt dizzy and laid back down.  30 minutes later I got back up and felt an overwhelming wave of fatigue hit me.  I said to heck with this and got under the covers this time for a one hour nap.

I'm now behind on my water intake for the day because of my extra sleep time this morning.  I'll blame the boost in progesterone.

Did I mention how scared I am of going to the ultrasound and having Saunders?  I know I did.  To make things worse my husband might not be able to go with me.  He did make the appointment for us.  But now his job is taking priorities.  I had a tiff with him about it last night at dinner.  I threatened to leave him.  I'm so sick of this crap where they know he has scheduled appointments and the fact that we are having troubles with one doctors but the Army comes first and family last.  What really sucks is that I have to get lab work done at 0700 hrs and the appointment isn't until 1120 hrs.  No car either if he needs it.  Going to be fun if I have to walk to the blasted appointment in the cold because somehow they can't give him an  hour off to go with me to an appointment.  I'm reasonable.  I told him to drop me off at 0530 hrs at the hospital and I'll get the labs done.  I'll go to the pharmacy and get my meds.  Then he can come back at the appointment time.  He still doesn't think it will work.

Did I tell you I'm a big fat chicken with the thought of having to deal with Dr. Saunders?  Especially since I not only filed an ICE report on her but went to patient advocacy and filed a complaint there yesterday.  I found out that because Saunders is chief of the REI department the ICE report would go across her desk and most likely get ignored.  I mean would you censure yourself or throw out the report if you were in charge and it came across your desk?  Yeah, exactly.

Just waiting for Monday and her to let into me again.  Just what I needed an anxiety filled weekend with my high blood pressure.

Finally the Lab Results are in

E2 462
P4 15
HCG 23619


I'm to double the dose of the PIO to 2cc starting tomorrow.

Madigan only forwarded a copy of the report and not the photo of the ultrasound.  PNW can't tell without the ultrasound photo if it is possible to have twins.  However, we are hoping  that Monday's appointment will be able to show things a bit more clearly.

I'm really hoping that I don't end up with Dr. Saunders on Monday or on the 23rd which will be my last appointment with the Madigan RE clinic.  The Army needs less of doctors like Saunders and more of the type of doctor that Dr. Burney is and can be.  At least Dr. Burney, when in clinic, is caring and compassionate along with being knowledgeable.

Okay I need to get some small meal into my stomach to prevent nausea.

I AM NOT YOUR DUMPING GROUND

I cannot say it enough to all that will listen.  Find some place else to drop your load of woes.  Give it to God as I try to do daily.  Give it to your best friend, lover, parent or shrink but don't take it out on me.  I'm pregnant and I have hypertension.

Last week I had a bleeding scare.  Last week I called PNW to find out what should be done because they told me any bleeding was to be reported to them.  They contacted Madigan requesting an ultrasound that day.  It took a week to get me in.  That week was up today.  I was seen today.  However, I need to back track a bit.  Maureen at Madigan's REI clinic called me last week to schedule the ultrasound and said she was putting in a third beta for me as well.  Today the beta was not in the computer.  I'll get back to that in a bit.  I will be filing an ICE report ASAP but this CPU keeps saying the site has a possible virus on it.  I'll try to file the report from a different device by the end of the day.

Yesterday I had my appointment with Neurology at Madigan.  It seems as though they are curious why I hadn't been referred by my PCM to their clinic sooner and why it took the ENT clinic to do the referring.  I know I've mentioned just how competent my PCM is in the past on my blog.  The man refuses to refer
 me out like a insurance doctor refuses to see something obviously wrong with a patient like a broken bone sticking out of a leg!

Neurology determined that my carpal tunnel and tendinitis are becoming aggravated by my moderate spinal stenosis and they'd like to get a new set of EMG testing and MRI done on me to see just how worse it has gotten.  As for the dizzy spells, well it is recorded that I have mild Meniere's disease and migraine headaches.  I found out a new thing, I am one of those types of people that can get migraines without the headache too.  Just plain odd.

So I got home late in the afternoon yesterday after a 1.5 hour exam in Neurology to find that a former on line friend had gone rabid on me.  I was removed from her facebook group.  No loss as a few of the women didn't like my last post about how "WE" are not pregnant but I am in relation to my husband's use of the word over the holiday weekend.  They felt that he earned the right to say "we" even when I'm not present because he is my spouse and even more so because he is a soldier.  UM, no!  Sorry but he isn't a royal.

Anyway the rabid woman left me a message on facebook that I transferred on to the other administrator of the group.  I refused to reply to the message as I didn't want to cause more stress.

Today things just got worse in the dumping ground.  Seriously does no one care that I could have a stroke? Before the exam my bp was 139/70 and that is with me being on Labetalol 200 mg twice daily.  Dr. Saunders at Madigan RE clinic went down my throat and was looking straight at me accusing me of rapping on her back door office to gain access.  I did not.  I was at the lab the whole time.  If the RE office would stop shopping online for a few minutes and actually answer their phones especially when the Lab manager is calling them they wouldn't have my husband knock politely with one knuckle on their door.

So she chews me out.  Then she goes into how their office, I'm Tricare Prime, doesn't have to give me care since I'm using an infertility clinic outside of their network.  Um, hate to tell you doc but you do.  I have verbal agreement with Chow, Beasely, and Burney along with Jennifer that you will give me care and make available to me appointments during your clinic hours.

I told Saunders to stop.  She continued on.  I told her she was going to make me cry and to stop.  She didn't stop and I started to cry and then hyperventilate.  I asked her to leave the room.  She didn't.  My husband had to then ask her to leave.

When she came back in the room she started in on me AGAIN!  I told her to stop.  She said she was trying to apologize.  That wasn't an apology that was her blaming me yet again.  I told her that she scares me and every time, think back to 13 February where she hurt me during the SIS, she does an ultrasound she hurts me.  She has been told to not exam me again by her superiors.

Well enough of that.  You get the drift by now.  Crappy past few days.

*****WARNING*****
Ultrasound photos below

Good news is that I have at  least one baby in utero.  Saunders said there could very well be another one in there but she can't see it just yet.  I know they can develop at different rates considering the two embryos weren't genetically related to one another.

The sac with fetal pole was measuring 5 wk 5 days Yolk sac was .47 cm, CRL 0.24 cm.  Heart could be seen flickering away.  Dr. Saunders didn't see it when I saw it flickering.  She went back to it and saw it the second time around.  Yup J and I have some real hope.  I just need to keep the stress down and this pregnancy might just make it.

A Little Miffed on Syntax

I am an Army Wife.  I'm very proud of being an Army Wife.  But I don't need others telling me what I should and shouldn't be feeling.

Oh you know who you are.  And yes I'm going to step on some unnamed toes here.

You who aren't military spouses have a different sort of life from mine right down to your pregnancies.  You would probably love to use the now PC "we" when stating pregnancy.  I am not a royal and in no way will I use the third person when describing my pregnancy.  My husband is not pregnant.  I am pregnant.  Kudos to you for wanting to use the "we" with your pregnancy.

I won't state "we" and I do correct my husband when he tries to use it.  He can most definitely state that his wife is due to deliver in (insert month here) when he talking to others and I am not there.  He is more than welcome to in my presence to use the "we" are going to be parents.  But in no way is he carrying the child/ren within him.  No he shouldn't be getting special concessions for the pregnancy.  He is a soldier and his job is the Army with family second.

Case in point.  I was too tired to attend church this Sunday.  1100 hrs the phone rings.  I pick it up.  His soldier called to tell me she is looking for my husband.  I tell her he is at church and unavailable until 1130 hrs.  She gives me a message to pass on to him.  He had to report into work for a problem.  Would I have loved to have spent all of Sunday with my spouse?  Yes.  But that doesn't happen often.

I don't claim that "we" are in the Army!  I don't make claims to any of my husband's accolades.  He has earned what he has by doing his job and at times doing even more.

We will hopefully be parents next summer.  We are having a baby.  But in no way is he pregnant.  He doesn't get injected. He doesn't have to apply patches to his body.  He doesn't vomit from the hormones.  He doesn't have the cravings.

I do think he deserves some credit for donating his gametes, driving me to the appointments when he was able to make a few of them, and for listening to me talk about my fears.  But folks you do need to remember "we" is the third person and I'm not a royal.  When he and I are together and discussing the pregnancy with others "we" is just fine.

Symptoms Still Here

I have much to be thankful for this year.  Many of you know I'm pregnant, I'm thankful for the chance to have a baby.  I'm thankful for my family and friends too.

But I'm having a bit of fibro fog so I'm not going to list out everything I'm thankful for and possibly forget someone causing insult.

Last night some of my pregnancy symptoms really hurt me.  But I'm just glad to know that the embryo/s are still in there.  I have an ultrasound set for Tuesday with a third beta.  Hoping all will be well.  I know it is really too soon to see much when it comes to the ultrasound. Just hoping for a sac or two to be in place.

The First Scare of the Pregnancy

Woke up to some bleeding this morning.  No not the expected brownish red but the scary bright red kind.  I've been getting sharp pains for the past week in my pelvis.

When I move it is like something inside my pelvis doesn't want to move with me.  When I stretch I get an immediate pain that makes me curl back up and whimper.

I called PNW and spoke to my nurse Nicole.  She sent a fax to Madigan clinic and wanted me to be seen today.  They then decided that Monday would most likely be better since at this point in the pregnancy seeing a gestational sac might be difficult.  However, Monday Madigan is all booked up so it will have to wait and hopefully I can get in to see them on Tuesday.

If the pain and bleeding get worse I'll go to the ER.  I'm allowed to take Tylenol for now and I'm on pelvic rest.  Not the in bed type pelvic rest but the no jumping around or sex pelvic rest.  I've been avoiding sex since the transfer to ensure I wouldn't have the bleeding that I'm now having.  Thankfully the bleeding has haulted for now.  We'll see what Tuesday brings.

I called the Madigan RE office and left a message that I'd like an appointment for Tuesday.  Hoping they'll call me back.  Wishing I had the magic phone number that PNW has to get in touch with Madigan so quickly.  You know, the number that always comes up as unlisted or just incoming call when your own doctor calls!

Cold Weather Pains

Today I'm typing with a wrist splint on.  I should being one on both wrists but that would mean me removing my watch and I'm lost without my watch.

A couple of weeks ago the weather took a turn for the cold and with that my arthritis, carpal tunnel, fibromyalgia and so on decided to pitch a fit.  Just in time for me to have a load of holiday chores fall into my lap.

I know I've been over doing it when it come to hand crafts.  I finished making three felted ornament, dozens of paper chains and still have many more to go, sewing rank onto my husband's hats, writing out Christmas cards, crocheting items for my Etsy shop, and of course cooking and baking.  It is the holidays.  Time to turn oneself into a tired mess of hormones when pregnancy is added into the factor.

As for the pregnancy:
I've gained 6 pounds since the transfer of the embryos on the 11th of November.  You heard me right 6 pounds.  No I'm not eating too much.  I'm just eating salty foods to stave off the nausea.  I need to find something else to quiet my stomach as the pepcid AC is not enough considering I used to take prilosec every day as ordered.

I've now out grown the replacement pajamas I bought earlier this month on sale.  When I bought them they fit just fine, shrank a bit in the wash like a lot of 100% cotton items sometimes do but now that my breasts are swollen and pelvic region is puffy the pajamas aren't comfortable unless I like wearing mid-drift tops of which it has become and skin tight bottoms.

I woke up with a headache.

I've had a few more dizzy spells.

2 December I have my initial consult appointment with the neurologist.  Hopefully the neurologist will be able to help me in some manner because I had the dizzy issue, headaches, and arm weakness before being pregnant.  I have moderate narrowing of the spinal canal in my neck since the auto accident I was in back in July of 2008.  I wasn't driving.

Some good news for shopping.  I'm almost finished shopping for my spouse.  Just ordered the last of his gifts off of Amazon from his wish list.  Now I'm down to just shopping for his card and stocking stuffers.  We keep the stocking stuffers to a $10 limit and usually from the dollar stores.  More fun.

While shopping at Amazon I remembered I had a $5 credit there.  So I needed a maternity dress for church that will go with my ever increasing bust line.  Found one for $7.52 on sale.  $2.52 for me to buy it and it will pair well with the sweaters I bought over the weekend.  Yay me the bargain hunter.  The dress will arrive in the next couple of weeks and I'm praying I'm still pregnant then so I can actually wear it.

I'm only 5 weeks and 2 days but the bloating is just crazy.  Must remember to push more water into my body.

God is Great

No I'm not going to proselytize.  I'm just feeling blessed by God right now that this pregnancy is still active within me.  Every morning I wake up to no bleeding I'm feeling further blessed with having a chance to bring forth life.  I realize that the pregnancy could go south at any time given my infertility history but I'll live for now and be happy with the joyous promise I've been given.

PNW estimated my due date as 30 July but that was because they forgot when my last period started.  They are off by three days.  While we all know that babies come into the world when they are ready I can't help but state that I'm actually due on my birthday next year.

I was born on my great grandmother's birthday.  How cool would it be if my baby were born on the same day?  If I turn out to be carrying twins it is really doubtful I'll make it to my birthday but hey I'll be happy to just have a healthy baby or two placed in my arms when the time comes.

I have to remind myself when doing housework or shopping to be more cautious now that I'm in a "delicate condition", "with squirrel", "bun in the oven" or what have you.  Friday when J and I went grocery shopping he caught me dragging the grocery cart to the side of the aisle to let an older man through with his handicapped cart.  He reminded me of two things:  I too am handicapped and I'm also now pregnant.  I'm so used to moving out of the way for older people out of respect whether or not I'm using my cane.

Yesterday J and drove down to the outlets in Centralia where I purchased for less than $40.00, two tops and two cardigans one size larger since my nicer blouses are getting too tight in the bust.  If all goes well, after Christmas I'll be having to purchase maternity clothes though I don't expect to get very big since my mom  and her mother never showed while pregnant with the exception of a larger bust and small stomach bump looking more like they ate a big meal.  I'll use up some survey points to get gift cards for the maternity clothes when I need them this way it won't hurt my budget.  I've been saving those points up for years just for this particular need.  22,795 points later I'm finally ready to use them up.  I'm being frugal.

Second Beta

512

More than doubled.

First ultrasound is 9 December

Walking Deeper Into The Woods

This month is almost gone and I have much to be thankful for.  Yesterday I started by thanking God.  He deserves as much credit as any person that helped me on this journey and then some.  Second is my cat, Bugsy, who helped me get through the two week wait.

Well okay I guess my husband does deserve some credit to but he is so full of stress from his job right now that he isn't that supportive until yesterday.  Yesterday changed our lives.

Yesterday I had my first good thing happen during all the years that J and I have been trying to conceive with dual infertility.  I finally got a Beta above zero.  Now I just have to deal with all my other health issues including the wonky thyroid.

Beta was 224 and the TSH was 3.5.

I have to up my synthroid to 75 mcg.

Fingers crossed that tomorrow's second Beta will bring a number double to the first.

Oh and friends, I ask of you this, please promise me that you won't tell anyone in J's family about the pregnancy.  He wants to wait until he is ready to tell his parents; probably Christmas when I'm closer to the end of the first trimester.  So don't mention it on my fb page if you know me there either, please.

The longest I've ever been pregnant, that was way before I met J and back when I married the first time, was 10 weeks 6 days.  I know that I'll end up on bed rest eventually since I have high blood pressure that is difficult to control even with being on a high dose taken twice daily.  I'm going to have to be careful.  Maybe some of you will recall that I had a heart attack in March of 2009.  Yes, this is risky but it is what we want.

Finally some really good news from my blog to share with all of you on the first day of ICLW.

Buddy

The night my cat, Bugsy, walked into my house is the night my marriage changed forever.  Over the summer months my husband and I had been feeding a pack of stray cats.  Not just one cat, the cat that adopted us, but at least five other cats came at various times to our front walkway to see what food was to be had at the dishes we provided each night.

Bugsy taught my husband a life lesson.  My husband learned that he now had to share me, share a bed with me and the cat, and share family time.  Before Bugsy arrived most nights my husband, who has since returning from Iraq been a restless sleeper, would decide to leave the bed and sleep in his recliner.  The night Bugsy chose us my husband learned that he would have to give of himself to a creature that really was a "scaredy" cat.

With the introduction of a furry family member my husband had to give up some of his own family time, time that he normally would spend in front of a computer, in order to make friends with a cat.  J has never had a cat for a pet and never wanted one either.  Maybe Bugsy knew this because for the three days J had left before he departed for his short deployment, he would snuggle up with J as often as possible.  My husband couldn't move without the cat trying to make a pillow of this new human.

After my husband returned from his deployment the relationship with the cat strengthened.  J had a hard time believing me,  that the cat missed him.  When J would call I'd put the phone on speaker for the cat.

With me being in the middle of another infertility treatment cycle and hopped up on female hormones Bugsy would wander around the house searching room-to-room for his testosterone buddy. J was far away not knowing how much his cat needed him.

J and I now have a hard time picturing our lives before Bugsy adopted us.  Bugsy knew we needed him and we still do.

This post was inspired by Buddy: How a Rooster Made Me a Man a memoir by Brian McGrogry. When Brian his bachelor life to move to suburbia and join his girlfriend with her two young daughters, he had no idea he needed to win over their rooster too. Join From Left to Write on November 21 as we discuss Buddy: How a Rooster Made Me a Man.  As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Weekend Update

So what do I do during my two week wait?  I strive to find new ways to occupy my mind so I don't worry about the Beta which is on Wednesday.

Saturday I stayed away from the internet except to check my fb on my tablet from the comfort of my recliner.  J and I walked around a car museum for the better part of the morning and afternoon.  Roughly 2000 cars to look at of which I couldn't make it through them all.  The cramping and fatigue became bad enough I had to seek out a bench to sit upon in the last warehouse.  No big deal as J continued to take photos and enjoyed himself while I rested up.

Sunday was Church and grocery shopping.  Well okay we did finish up our Christmas shopping for Bugsy but make sure you don't tell him.  I still have to get something for J and he for me.  I still need to get boxes to ship out the gifts to family as well as the promised photographs take of J while he was at WLC this past summer season.

By the end of the weekend my feet were sore and I was tired.  I ended up with some tan/brown spotting last night but it didn't concern me too much.  What concerned me was the viciousness of the cramping as if my period was due to start soon of which of course it is if this cycle is a bust.  I don't want to think about failure.

I don't want to think about being pregnant until I've passed both betas, the first ultrasound and maybe well really thanks Schrodinger I'm feeling like that cat in the box.

Here are a few photos of the car museum.

One Year Later

Many of you know that I have an Etsy shop.  Last year a package I sent out to a customer got lost in the mail.  The customer was nice enough to leave me a neutral review and not a negative one.

Today I received an email from the customer because the package finally arrived!!!

Take a look at the post mark dates on the package.

This will teach me to not ship anything from the hospital post office branch even if it is close enough for me to walk to.  Sloppy service to lose a package for almost an entire year.  Thankfully it arrived undamaged and the customer loved the baby booties.  Luckily she didn't purchase them for her daughters to wear but for their dolls.

3dp5dt

Yesterday throughout the day I had mild cramping.  Last night I had some watery pinkish/tan spotting.  Hoping this is a good sign as today is now 3 days past my 5 day transfer.

I was going to post a photo of the embryos but have decided not to do that.  I'm afraid of triggering other bloggers.  As it is I seem to have lost two followers in less than a month.

I'm keeping quiet about this to my immediate family.  Some of my cousins do know what is going on and I know they'll be kind enough to not tell the rest of the family until J and I are ready to do so ourselves.  We are hoping that our embryos will become babies and that we will finally have some good news to announce after all the years that we have been trying to expand our family.  The only success we've had in expanding our family is with the adoption of our cat Bugsy.

Bugsy seems to know that something is going on.  He follows me from room-to-room.  He waits patiently for me to finish my ablutions in the bathroom.  He curls up on my chest as often as possible.  The morning after the transfer he walked up to me and put his front paws on my ribs and sniffed at my pelvis.  He has never done that before and I found it rather odd as in "do I smell that bad in the morning cat?".

Yesterday I baked five dozen cookies for the soldiers at the COF where my spouse works. While baking the cookies my neighbor TM, who is a good friend and pregnant, came over to help put the puzzle together that I'm currently working on.  She happened to mention the microwave.  Because of that little discussion I looked up more on the microwave usage during pregnancy.  My microwave, thanks J for leaning on the door to chat to people, is leaking radiation.  I can easily pull a paper towel out of the door from three sides.

When J got home I showed him that bit with the microwave and told him not to use it when I'm in the room.  I told him to keep it unplugged when not in use too.  I have lost count of how many times I have asked him to not lean on the microwave door.  He now realizes the damage he has done to it when I wiggled the door up and down while it was in the closed position.

J will also, due to EMF waves, being doing all the vacuuming.  He is not to vacuum in the same room I am in either.  He is okay with these changes.  Amazing how guilty he feels for damaging the microwave and giving me morning PIO shots.  I'd rather he didn't feel so guilty but it is rather nice to have him more willing to help out around the house.

Last night our sleep did get interrupted by a call from one of his soldiers at 0034 hrs.  Oh the joys of being an NCO.

The Cartographer of No Man's Land

As many of you already know I am a military spouse.  It isn't a bad thing.  Though I am sure many wouldn't want to do what I do.  So what is it that I do?

I supported my spouse in his decisions to be in the Army.  This type of support is necessary if he wants to excel in his career path.  I'm sure many civilian wives do the very same thing.

When my husband has to go away for war I have to support him still even if I don't like the separations and what they can do to our relationship.  Actually I have to increase my support to him to ensure that our relationship survives.  Many a civilian wife has said to me that when their spouse goes away on a business trip they understand what I feel.  Well in some ways I guess they do, however I doubt that their spouse is possibly getting shot at, having to use outdoor plumbing to relieve himself, or dealing with sub par living conditions when they their spouses are in fact at some posh convention center or other nice accommodations while on that business trip.

I'm not being spiteful or angry when I mention what my spouse has to go through above.  I'm proud of his sacrifices.  He did in fact volunteer to join the Army.  No one told him he had to join.  He knew, and so did I, what it would mean and how it would change our lives forever when he signed up.  I married a civilian. But just as we all must grow into our life roles and accept changes I am no longer a wife to a civilian, I am an Army wife.

Supporting my spouse doesn't come automatically when he signs up.  There is no boot camp for spouses or survival training for deployments.  There have been times that I threatened to divorce him if he had to leave one more time in such a short period of time.  I'm allowed to whine, complain, and even at times cajole but it isn't for long that I can do this as it isn't going to help the situation that we have to face together.  Being the spouse of a solider means I need to put my big girl panties on and suck it up as much as possible.  His job is war.

When I state that my husband's job is war it isn't quite true.  Basic training teaches them the basics of war fighting.  The next school they go to is where they learn their military occupational specialty.  Funny enough my husband is a cartographer in the Army but he has a different longer title that most just gawk at when I tell them.  Cartographer fits well for what he does.  But he doesn't always get to do his job.  He is put where they need him.

This post was inspired by The Cartographer of No Man’s Land by P.S. Duffy. Angus enlists in the Nova Scotia WWI regiment and travels Europe to search for his missing in action best friend and brother-in-law. Along the way Angus discovers more than he ever wanted to know.Join From Left to Write on November 14 as we discuss The Cartographer of No Man’s Land.  As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Transfer Day is Finally Here

In just a few hours I'll be headed up to Seattle for the embryo transfer.  Hoping all goes well.

I will let all of you know more in a day or two.  Maybe I'll share the picture too.  Wish me luck and keep me in your prayers.

The Last Winter of Dani Lancing

As a child I was afraid of ghosts.  Ghosts were the ones that came out from the shadow and frightened you.  Ghosts were malicious phantasms that knocked things off shelves, made your homework disappear, and were nicknamed "not me" by most children when parents would ask who did the dirty deed.

As an adult I view ghosts differently.  Now they are the restless spirits of the dead that have refused to leave the Earth for the other realm.  Really not all that different from my view of them as a child as they still frighten me with their antics.  Or I could blame my brother and his knife slashing antics he developed from watching too many scary movies for the same effect of fearing shadows thinking it was just him out to get me or a ghost quite possibly; I'll let you choose.

During Samhain the veil between the worlds is at its thinnest as it is only one other time, that being Beltane.  Samhain is also known as Halloween.  Beltane is a lesser feast time also called May Day which is celebrated on May first.  Usually drunken debauchery went on during the celebrating of May Day and many a babe was born nine months later of which was blamed on the spirits.  Just which spirits though I'm thinking were most likely the ones that were imbibed not the kind of spirit that possesses.

On and around those two times of the year ghosts can be seen easier without dabbling with divination or working with a medium.  It is possible while looking into a  mirror you might see a phantom.  However, when you turn around to actually look at the view behind you there is nothing there.   Get your vision checked because if you are seeing black floaters in your sight line you might have a serious issue.

Most often the "cold spots" are felt in older homes.  These as lore would have it, represent the ghost being there but unable to be seen.  I have felt a few cold spots in my parents' house in upstate NY.  They loved to tell me it was haunted too.  As I got older I realized those cold spots were because the flooring was over a cold cement slab, we had poor heating with an old furnace and the windows weren't properly sealed.  Ghost de-bunked.  I'd suggest wearing thick woolen socks, flannel lined pants and finger-less mittens if you ever were to go into that house.  Most likely the new owners have realized the furnace is an issue and put in a new one by now.

This post was inspired by The Last Winter of Dani Lancing, a novel by P.D. Viner. Twenty years ago, college student Dani was murdered but her killer was never found.  Now a promising new lead may change everything. Join From Left to Write on November 7 as we discuss The Last Winter of Dani Lancing.  As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Cold

Ugh, just what I needed, a head cold.  Yesterday I broke down and took cold medicine.  Today I'm going to go without.  Nothing really works on a cold but rest and fluids.  Cold medicines just mask the symptoms and as soon as the medicine wears off the cold is right there again.

Today was the E2 blood draw and lining check.  When I got to the lab I grabbed a face mask and wore it until I left the hospital.  I swear I had a large radius of empty chairs around me at the lab.  No one but my husband would sit near me.  I should wear a mask more often!!!

I'll find out what the E2 levels are later today when I get the time and date for the transfer.  We will be hopefully transferring on Monday since J has the day off.  If not then Tuesday and he'll have to ask for the day off and hope that his chain of command is still good with giving him the time they promised him.

Lining is 13 mm.  Perfect according to Dr. Chow.  The mass is still in residence behind the left ovary.  Not shrinking, not growing.  Seems that this ultrasound has shown it to almost definitely be scar tissue from the surgery last year.  Great just what I needed a 4.7 cm mass of scar tissue.  The only fix is more surgery and of course then I risk getting even more scar tissue.  No thanks!

I'm actually looking forward to starting the PIO shots.  I told J that he has to do them each morning.  He grimaced at that but he has given them to me before.  He did the PIO shots with the firt IVF.  We did endometrin with the second IVF and I did the PIO shots myself with the first DE IVF.

Some times it really astounds me that I've now done four IVFs.  Crazy to think about.  Maybe I'm a bit of a masochist? Or maybe I really think I have a shot (get it) at making a baby each time?  I'm remaining hopeful as this cycle seems to be going differently than the last three and has the same protocol as the last one.  Maybe the synthroid is really helping?

Neurological Consult

Yesterday I went to the ENT at Madigan where I had my examination for my Meniere's Disease and thyroid cyst check up.  Yes, I have cysts on my thyroid.  I've had them for years.  Again they were felt easily upon examination but the doctors, both of them, decided to wait for two more years to do that particular ultrasound.  Budget cuts are killing my medical coverage.

Dr. Bevins decided that I needed to get an MRI and go to see the neurologist to address the dizzy spells and the weakness in my upper limbs (mind you I was told I needed to see neurology 5 years ago when I first arrived here but they denied me for the consult).  Tuesday I'll be calling Tricare to set up an appointment.  With any luck I'll get to be seen on the installation and not have to find a ride to a clinic off post.  We live behind the hospital here because we wanted to live near where I'd be getting my medical care.  Little did we know that five years after moving in to our home on post I'd be farmed out for most of my care.

Bloated

I'm guessing that either the Lupron or the Alora patches are making me even more susceptible to bloating that usual.  I got on the scale this morning and found that I had gained another 0.8 pounds.  I gained that much yesterday too.  This now puts me back two weeks on my weight loss.

Today I'm headed out to see the ENT doctor at Madigan about my Meniere's Disease.  Hoping he/she can give me something to deal with the ringing in my ears and dizzy spells.  That started before the recent addition of hormones.  Maybe I'll be allowed to go back on the maxide too with any luck.

Candy Night

Today is of course Halloween.  I won't be handing out candy this year.  This year it is my husband's job.

I'll be in the kitchen with Bugsy and the door shut so no out accidentally lets him out of the house.  Trick or Treating is only allowed between the hours of 1800 and 2000 hrs here on the military installation.

I've given J instructions to stick with on how to hand out the candy.  Sometimes he stupidly breaks the rules.  It isn't cute when so many germy hands are grabbing in the bowl taking more candy than told to take so that we run out and other kids get none.  Kids can be greedy.

I told him to hold the bowl to his side and he is the only one allowed to dip into the bowl and hand out candy.  You don't know if the kids are sick and I don't want them spreading their diseases all over the entire stock of candy.  Just being safe.

I'm not hiding in the kitchen because I don't like children.  I'm not worried about seeing tots in strollers or pregnant bellies, I'm over that issue with Halloween.  But I don't want the cat meowing from being lonely in the other room.  I don't want Bugsy to feel neglected because we have the door opening and closing for two hours.  Nor do I want him to get out and get hurt by kids who grab at animals or hate cats.  Oh and my cat is a klutz.  Yeah most cats are agile critters.  Not Bugsy.

Oak Tree

Hoping my little oak tree survives the Winter.  I rescued it from my flower bed this past Spring when it was nothing more than a shoot sticking up.

Positive, Positive, Positive

Trying to think positive.

Meanwhile, Manflesh is getting on my nerves.  Bringing home his work worries and complaints really isn't needed when he allows it to spoil our weekend.  If it continues I will move out because I don't want the stress to affect this cycle.  Life with a soldier really isn't at all like what they show on television.  There are no great reunions after deployments of any length.  The only thing that is blockbuster is their moods.

Sighs, hoping he'll put on his sign that says he'll suck it up and leave it at work rather than bring it home to family time.  Doubting that will happen.

Last night while carving a pumpkin we get a call from a person he works with.  Manflesh is giving orders and he needs to deseminate the information.  From that one call our evening went in a down hill roll like a cannon ball with a lit fuse hitting the pins.  The next four hours were spent with him in a foul mood and me trying to explain to him that he can't let crap from work ruin our family time.  We don't get much family time and I'd rather not spend it with him trying to pick a fight.

I guess he figures that if he can get me angry at him then he'll be justified with having a bad mood for Monday work call.  I'm tired of guessing.  He needs to listen to our marriage counselor and actually implement for more than two days in a row the suggested advice of the professional.

So I'm trying to think positive today that when he gets home he'll have left his work at work.  I don't care how late he comes home I'll keep his dinner warm for him while he tries to leave all finished and unfinished business at work where it belongs.   Civilians live here and sleep here and we don't take orders from folks in uniform unless it is under dire circumstances.  Maybe that sounds harsh but I'm trying to keep a peace zone in my home.  A stress free zone.  A happy zone.  Oh and I know that it doesn't fully work unless all parties are willing to make it work.

Must think positive.  Keep smile on face, find many reason to laugh and many reasons to thank God today for everyone and every blessing in my life.

The Dinner

While reading The Dinner by Herman Koch I thought about what it must be like to suffer from an unnamed disease that could put you out of work for a long period of time.  Then I realized that I am out of work, and can't work in a traditional setting or in a job that I'm trained for because I do have a debilitating disease.

I may not suffer like the main character who is full of hatred that borders on and sometimes crosses over into violence.  However, I do suffer in pain and often silence unable to get treatment or find a cure to the pain I suffer with each day.

Because I am undergoing infertility treatments I have to be extra careful with what medicines that I take.  Who knows I might just fall pregnant unexpectedly; as if that would actually happen.

I do have an outlet for my verbal garbage and hostility towards my disabilities.  I utilize the blog in which I'm writing this very post.  My blog has become my voice to the world since often I have to sensor what I say to others that I speak to face-to-face.  Being polite and politically correct really does suck when I am in pain.  There are days that I would just love to yell at the person next to me to stop complaining because they are able to have kids, they are able to run or they are just plain able to do things that I can not do.  I am not asking them to make exceptions for me but to just stop complaining about the little things in life that they should be thankful for.  Next time you have to pick up your child's mess from making a fridge art  be thankful that you have that mess in your life as some of us would love to have that mess and that piece of child's art.

I have learned to live with my limitations but I don't have to like the limitation.  The limitations don't make who I am, I make who I am.

This post was inspired by The Dinner, a novel by Herman Koch. Two brothers and their wives sit down for a tension filled dinner to discuss a tragedy that can change both families’ lives forever. Join From Left to Write on October 29 as we discuss The Dinner.  As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.