Saturday, May 18, 2013

Try Try Again

Though J and I know that this cycle is almost surely a bust we talked, I cried, he consoled me yesterday.  Today we talked some more.  Because he knows that now he was most likely at fault with the morphology of his sperm being only 2% he is willing to try again.

We are going for broke.

Thursday when I got the results of the early beta and they were less than 1 I started to research.  I went deep.  Today I called SRM.  I've used SRM before and even though I didn't have luck, I used my own eggs back then, I'm willing to give it a shot again.  Why?

Well they offer two donor egg programs.  We could well afford the first one that has absolutely no guarantee of a take home baby and gives us only 6 mature eggs.  Or, and I'm choosing the or mind you, we could go with the guaranteed plan where they have to give you a take home baby or you get your money back at the end of 5 attempts.  If we withdraw early from the plan before we get the take home child then we get 80% back.  I'm sure the cost is going to make us scream because right now I have only just enough saved up for the single shot.  But we are going to go for this.

J feels like he owes me this.

So I told him I need him to get his sperm in shape.  He can improve his morphology and has done so in the past.  When he got back from Korea in 2008 he was borderline on the morphology and he improved with proper eating and taking his vitamins.  He has really slipped up with drinking way too much caffeinated beverages, mostly coffee, eating hormone rich red meats, cold cuts, and so on.  Since he is willing to try I'm happy.  We both like the idea of a guarantee.  Who wouldn't?

J will have to tell his parents when we get the beta results about donor eggs so that his parents don't decide to place blame where it isn't due.  I tried and I won't be anyone's scapegoat.  I lost weight, exercised, refrained from any sort of sex, gave up exercise when told to and so on.  You all know the game; especially those of you that have done donor eggs.

Now to any of my readers, if you have used the place I linked to, let me know your experience with their guarantee program.  I'm interested.

 When I do the WTF appointment I'm going to be asking a lot of questions!

17 comments:

  1. I really hope this works for you. I wish there wasn't blame in this whole journey, but I know all to well that there is. Thinking of you!

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    1. I hate knowing now what I know. There are days I still wish I were blissfully ignorant when it comes to making a baby.

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  2. I'm glad you decided to keep trying. Good Luck friend!

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    1. What is cool is that I will get 5 attempts to make a take home baby. So when we move we'll still be able to use the same plan at another clinic that participates as far as I know...one is in Atlanta too.

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    2. Well that is a good idea then. If it can move with you.

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  3. :( Hugs and prayers my dear friend!

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  4. Its hard when a donor egg cycle fails because the success rates are so high. I felt like it was all my fault. Its good your husband is willing to try harder. I'm sending positive thoughts your way

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    1. Sometimes bad things just happen but if they have nothing new to tell us when we go to the WTF appointment I'm going to get really angry.

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  5. I'd be asking a lot of questions too. It's good to have a plan in place and to have an action to follow through. I always find that comforting myself. Still hoping so much this there is some miracle in this for you and you won't need that plan, but I completely understand the doubt, the feeling of it being over, and the need to prepare to move on. Thinking of you.

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    1. I'm still hoping that my pee sticks are wrong like they were back in 1996 when I was pregnant with twins. But I know that the pee sticks are a lot more sensitive now then they were back then.

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    2. That's true they are more sensitive but my sister had a ton of negative ones and had twin boys.

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  6. There is only so much you can do to improve morphology. Caffeine actually helps sperm motility and maturation rates. The antibiotics our clinic makes my husband take is the only thing that brings the morphology back into a acceptable range. The antibiotics are part of the IVf protocol all the time at my clinic, you could ask them if antibiotics could help. Poor morphology in guys is often from low grade infections.

    I've still got everything crossed for you. If not for this cycle, then your next one.

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    1. The antibiotics make total sense because his Germ was listed as being a 2 on the SA.

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  7. Good luck! I hope that this option will be successful for you!

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  8. I would be pissed, too, if I wasn't getting any answers. You're shelling out big bucks. They should be up front and honest with you.

    Good luck with the guaranteed program. I'm still hoping so hard for you.

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  9. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. The decisions are truly the hardest part - when to stop, how far to go, what to do, etc. (((HUGS)))

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