Friday, May 17, 2013

Trying to Not Think About It

Yesterday I was in contact with both clinics.

PNW, at first, thought that less than a 1 on my early beta didn't bode well.  But later in the afternoon they called me back and thought it was just fine.  Really?  If there were two put back I doubt either are there now. 

I'm on such a roller coaster of emotion right now.

POAS both negative.  Wondfo and FRER.

Today was 8dp5dt.

I've prayed to God.  I've begged him.  I promised to still be a good girl even if it is negative.  I just can't figure out why me?

Yeah, this is a pity party.  You might want to turn away now.


I was told with my endometriosis that using my own eggs wouldn't work.  Not because of my age because we all know Halley Strawberry got pregnant at 46.

I know for a fact that women with endometriosis, even stage 4, can get pregnant with their own eggs through IVF.  And yes have a successful pregnancy.

I ovulated from 6 follicles while on the pill this FET.  Talk about a tease.  I should have gone for it and ditched the condoms I was instructed to use as a precaution.

The donor I used is only 22.  No genetic markers for any known blah, blah, blah.  Perfect donor. 

J's sperm count sucked this past cycle.  2% morphology.  But still we ended up with two 5AA Blasts.

So what went wrong?  I was checked out with ultrasounds and blood work.  Nothing wrong with me and I had a 90% chance of success. 

My beta was supposed to be on Sunday but got bumped to Monday because the Army lab is closed for walk-in, except ER cases, on weekends.

Oh and my symptoms as of this morning...gone all gone.  Even my breasts are back to normal.

Any clue?  I have no idea what went wrong.

22 comments:

  1. Sorry it's such a roller coaster and there are so many unknowns. Still hoping for a miracle for you (*hugs*)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If I wasn't turning 44 in a couple of months I'd keep trying. Menopause waits for no woman.

      Delete
  2. Sometimes there is no answer. Your cycle can look perfect. It sucks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. really trying to hold out hope that one is still in there tonisha. really i am. i'm so scared that this is it, no more trying, no more thinking of baby stuff. i'm not a spring chicken.

      Delete
    2. I want that for you also.

      Delete
  3. I am sorry you are dealing with this. I am thinking of you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thoughts and prayers are just what i need along with a miracle.

      Delete
  4. I know this is not what you want to hear but don't give up until the official beta. They make us wait those two hellish weeks for a reason.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Catie, I'll try to keep some hope. I should know better being a veteran at this tww game.

      Delete
  5. I'm sorry for all of the ups and downs. I'm still holding out hope. HUGS!

    ReplyDelete
  6. It is still early. I didn't have a single symptom on 11dp5dt, yet my beta test was positive. Keep thinking positive thoughts- I'm crossing my fingers for you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You telling me this gives me some hope. Did that pregnancy go well?

      Delete
  7. :( Hugs!!!!!! So sorry you have to deal with all of this. You know I am praying for you always!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Jen. I need all the prayers I can get.

      Delete
  8. I've still got hope for you. As they say, it aint over until the fat lady sings. I didn't have any symptoms of pregnancy until around beta day, myself, and my embryos were never good enough for a 5 day transfer, I had to settle for 3 day embryos. BUT, I did have symptoms from the progesterone, whether I got a BFN or BFP.

    Does your husband have 2% normal or 2% abnormal sperm? Because usually 2% isn't a good number. My husband hovers around 3% normal morphology, and his wonky sperm has been blamed for our miscarriages and chemical pregnancies. The normal sperm they hand pick can make picture perfect 'looking' embryos, but the engine that makes them run is defective.

    Hang in there. I've got everything crossed I can.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 2% normal sperm for morphology. It could be improved if he would stop eating beef, take his vitamins and cut back on his coffee. He was borderline before and improved when he tried. Oh believe me I told him I'd love to scapegoat on him right now for not trying to improve his diet. He may only weigh 145 and be 69 inches and most of that muscle but still if he doesn't take this seriously he'll have health issues later in life.

      Again today both tests were negative. Again not surprised. I rarely get a positive test and then they were only faint.

      Delete
  9. Thinking of you ...all the best.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did you use Myeggbank? I'm looking into that next.

      Delete
  10. Huge Hugz and keeping everything crossed for you!

    ReplyDelete
  11. (((hugs))) do you still go in today for beta?

    ReplyDelete

If you decide to be a Troll I will refuse to pay your toll and your comment will not appear.