Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Don't Ignore People With Infertility
September 7, 1996 I had just been released from the hospital after my first miscarriage. I had to have a D&C. I get home and change into pajamas and relax on one of my couches when I get a knock at the door. My friend, another infertile, from across the street is at the door. I let her in. She tells me how sorry she is that I lost my baby. She has lost several herself. She gives me a miniature rose plant. I weep a bit over her kindness as my own family has ignored my pain and loss. However, she does something that I would never do. She tells me she is pregnant. Okay really? You know I just lost my babies at 10 weeks 6 days and here you are telling me that you are pregnant? Why? I didn't say anything mean to her. I congratulated her and she left. I had my little tantrum about how life is unfair after she left.
I'm not sure why people can be so insensitive to someone that just lost a baby but they can be. I think it hurts even more when its someone that should know what I'm feeling. A spouse, parent, sibling, friend, who knows about the infertility shouldn't ignore the situation or person when the infertile really needs them to be there for support.
Now to update all of you that don't know all that much about me. I'm infertile that much is obvious from the above. I have Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, PCOS, Age related infertility (I'm 42), and a history of repeat miscarriages.
Often, because of pain I don't leave the house.
Often, because of pain I can't do what everyone else can do.
This doesn't mean I should be ignored. It doesn't mean I am faking the pain either. Infertility is not contagious. If I'm sick and want to stay home it doesn't mean I should be ignored and treated as though I have a communicable disease.
Go educate yourself here: http://www.resolve.org/infertility-overview/what-is-infertility/