I'm scared. There are two possible outcomes: either they find something wrong or they don't and all of this is just in my head because of the stress or deployment then not deploying then deploying and all the infertility struggles.
I'm sitting here thirsty like a person baking in the sun without a drink of water and surrounded by ocean waters.
I guess all I can do is just try to relax now and wait. I go in at 0915 hrs. I hope its just an ulcer and nothing that needs to be followed up with further cutting. Okay so really I'm just frightened of a staph infection. Its understandable. They are going to stick equipment down my digestive tract and possibly biopsy. At least when we did IVF I was given antibiotics to prevent an infection since they were going to be routing about my ovaries and uterus with a honking huge needle. Now I face being cut up from the inside, if need be; seriously that freaks me out.
J slept in the living room last night. I knew I'd be tossing and turning a lot last night. I was up every hour! He had to get his sleep as we both had to be up at 0400 hrs.
I just want to know why sometimes it feels like something is getting stuck under my ribs when I bend over or stretch. Its in the stomach area. Two years ago my PA told me I was exercising too much and bruised a rib. Well I stopped exercising and the pain never went away. I had to ignore it to push through with the infertility treatments. Now that infertility treatments failed and I failed infertility I'm back to trying to find out what the heck is causing that pain. Sometimes I can just be sitting there and it feels like something shifted in my upper left quadrant where the stomach sits and the pain just feels really uncomfortable like again something is caught under my floating rib pair.
Maybe its just because I'm fat? I still have about 40 pounds to lose. Maybe it the adipose tissue getting caught under my ribs? Oh heck I don't know. Hopefully I get some answers today.
J is being given the day off to stay at home with me so that I don't do anything stupid after sedation. Also in case for some reason things go wrong.