Wednesday, January 23, 2013

S.A.L.Talks

Secret
After
Lunch
Talks

Yesterday after my lunch J showed up to have his and we talked about how my blog is a "threat" to national security.  I thought he just had to kidding.  How could my vagina blog have anything at all to do with security?

J told me without a smile, "Babe, the government owns your vagina."

Me:  "How do you figure that?"

J:  "They pay for your treatments."

Me:  "Can I get a refund?"

We came to a peaceful agreement that I'm screwed without the petroleum lube and cigarette finish.  What is the worst they'll do to me?  Fine me?  Jail time?  Tell my college to revoke my degree in English?  Or maybe they'll just die laughing while reading what I wrote?

Well since I'm married to a soldier who has a job in the Army which is, well I'm not allowed to mention what he does, anything I do that is public has to be investigated to.  I really hope they enjoy reading my blog posts. 

I have failed my secret mission.  We all know from the outside that Army Wives are extra fertile.  Maybe that has something to do with the investigation into my vagina.  I've covertly followed a few pregnant ladies around the PX to find out what they would buy for their expectant bundle of joy.  No big secrets there.  Enlisted wives buy the best bargains they can find off the clearance rack while wistfully looking at the regularly priced merchandise and putting it on their wish lists.

Now I realize that I must have gotten into the wrong line at West Point where I got my first military ID card.  I should have found the line that gave me fully functioning reproductive organs.  But I wasn't clued in to where that line was.  Heck, I had a hard time just finding the building where the ID cards were done as all the buildings look alike and you are just given a building number to go find.  Mind you the building numbers rarely go in order like houses on a street.  So is there any wonder I'm a misfit infertile Army Wife?


12 comments:

  1. I'm sorry, but the army does not get to own your vag. Healthnot paid for all of our treatments, and they don't get to make claims on my vag, ute, ovaries or any of the products from said organs.

    Saying that the Army owns your vag is like saying all of us tax payers own your husband because we pay his salary. Nope...doesn't work that way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think since I do the payments for the treatments not covered, like this past IUI, the husband forgets that the Army doesn't cover all my medical.

      I agree they don't own us.

      Delete
  2. Yeah I agree that they don't own us. The Army didn't pay for our IUI's either.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If they owned us we would have been issued.

      Delete
  3. I like your sense of humor, so I gave you a blog award!

    http://lifeinlittlehispaniola.blogspot.com/2013/01/my-first-blog-award.html

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh that has got to be so frustrating. Good grief. :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Freedom isn't free and sometimes a blogger can reveal a little too much. I am usually pretty careful when it comes to OPSEC.

      Delete
  5. Hahaha, "vagina blog"... I'd love to see them all gathered around an oval table in a fancy boardroom, bringing up the security threat that is your vagina blog. Honestly!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I know right since my vagina should be listed on the most wanted for killing off embryos right?

      Delete
  6. The government doesn't own any of us spouses. Let alone my vagina or anything associated with it. I have no contract and can come and go freely. They just tend to foot the bill for it all. And your blog as a threat to national security? Only if you're chatting about sensitive or classified military affairs. Which most of us don't give a you-know-what about.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I do know they don't own us. I was making a joke about how my spouse has to go through hoops to get "read on" for his clearance and I were leaking secrets in my blog it would be a national threat. J let slip I had a blog and the fact that I was indeed talking to a friend or two overseas but I cleared that up with him.

      Delete

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