Wednesday, March 30, 2011
I cheated. But its not like he didn't know about it. He enjoyed it as much as I did. Heck, he even encouraged me last night and made the phone call to set it all up. So is it really cheating when he consented to the idea and plans? Might I add that he even watched while I had my pleasure?
However this morning was a bit of what is called buyers remorse. I got up with him this morning and he seemed a bit withdrawn. Perhaps he is in the mission mindset. Maybe he has a bit of regret from last night knowing that I might pay the high price for it. I'm not entirely sure myself what I was thinking either. It was rather impulsive.
I've been in a lot of pain of late so I told myself that it was okay. And he agreed right? So why do I feel so miserable this morning for what I did last night? It was consensual.
Maybe its because that when I got on the scale this morning I gained back 0.8 pounds from those three delicious slices of all white pizza. I have plenty more left too but I had my husband freeze them for another cheat. If they are frozen I won't eat them now. Well that is my theory at least. But I do feel really guilty about enjoying the deep dish and those wonderful carbohydrates. Diet be dammed I'm allowed to feel something good with this ovarian cyst pain!
Pizza always cheers J up. Its the food that changes his mood. He enjoyed his deep dish, tomato sauce base, pepperoni, two kinds of bell peppers, onions and I think he added bacon to the pizza too. Its was going to be our last meal together for a while, might as well enjoy ourselves.
Today it's back to the mostly protein part of the diet. I still can't go cold turkey on my carbohydrates as I get really sick when I try. So tonight I might add a small portion of whole grain brown rice to my dinner meal. For now I hear the cottage cheese in the refrigerator calling me. Its going to be a late breakfast and a whole lot of guilt added as a topping.
Now I must forgive myself and learn to love my body all over again since yo-yo dieting isn't the solution to my problem. Only good foods for me, that is until I cheat again.