I Cheated

 I'm really sorry readers but I must confess to having cheated last night.  There are times when a person can just take so much.  My husband came home yesterday and told me some bad news.  I thought I handled it pretty well when he told me that he wouldn't be home for breakfast, lunch or dinner for at least the next few days possibly longer.  The bad news didn't end there, no it continued on with him telling about the upcoming training events for this year and how our plans for a vacation might not happen.  I had to do something to kill the bad mood.

I cheated.  But its not like he didn't know about it.  He enjoyed it as much as I did.  Heck, he even encouraged me last night and made the phone call to set it all up.  So is it really cheating when he consented to the idea and plans?  Might I add that he even watched while I had my pleasure?

However this morning was a bit of what is called buyers remorse.   I got up with him this morning and he seemed a bit withdrawn.  Perhaps he is in the mission mindset.  Maybe he has a bit of regret from last night knowing that I might pay the high price for it.  I'm not entirely sure myself what I was thinking either.  It was rather impulsive.

I've been in a lot of pain of late so I told myself that it was okay.  And he agreed right?  So why do I feel so miserable this morning for what I did last night?  It was consensual.

Maybe its because that when I got on the scale this morning I gained back 0.8 pounds from those three delicious slices of all white pizza.  I have plenty more left too but I had my husband freeze them for another cheat.  If they are frozen I won't eat them now.  Well that is my theory at least.  But I do feel really guilty about enjoying the deep dish and those wonderful carbohydrates.  Diet be dammed I'm allowed to feel something good with this ovarian cyst pain!

Pizza always cheers J up.  Its the food that changes his mood.  He enjoyed his deep dish, tomato sauce base, pepperoni, two kinds of bell peppers, onions and I think he added bacon to the pizza too.  Its was going to be our last meal together for a while, might as well enjoy ourselves.

Today it's back to the mostly protein part of the diet.  I still can't go cold turkey on my carbohydrates as I get really sick when I try.  So tonight I might add a small portion of whole grain brown rice to my dinner meal. For now I hear the cottage cheese in the refrigerator calling me.  Its going to be a late breakfast and a whole lot of guilt added as a topping.

Now I must forgive myself and learn to love my body all over again since yo-yo dieting isn't the solution to my problem.  Only good foods for me, that is until I cheat again.