Thursday, April 21, 2011

Calm Waters

Again I find myself sitting in my home office with not much to say.  I search frantically in my mind for ideas but not one stands out from the other.  Concentrating on typing out my emotions does not give me a sense of satisfaction instead it just leads to yet another boring blog post.  But that is okay.  My life doesn't always have to be full of sunshine and rainbows.  I don't have to find drama to type about when there is only calm.  Calm is good too.

Not much of any great significance is going on at present.  My husband is trying to get new references for his OCS packet so he can submit it before the next field training.  I'm researching small projects and still working on my woven blanket for charity.  We are both waiting for my ovarian cysts to reduce in size so that we can once again start the fertility treatments.

I'm waiting, though not very patiently, for the weather to warm up.  We had a small warm spell and I put my seedlings out into the flower beds.  The tomatoes, marigolds, three nasturtiums, a few red sunflowers and a couple of pepper plants have died off.  It could have been the sudden hail storm or the one night temperatures dropped to freezing.  Its colder than normal this time of year here in Washington.  Maybe in a few weeks I can purchase some plants and put them out there without fear of them dying off.  I hate seeing my hard work die so quickly.  Gardening keeps my mind off my infertility issues.  At least with gardening I can make things grow and produce unlike my body.  Its a bit therapeutic.

My next cycle is almost upon me.  Not much longer now.  My husband doesn't like the idea that I want to have sex and risk the cysts rupturing or twisting just because I might be ovulating in about two weeks.  Two weeks gives my cysts more time to go down.  I can hope. Right?

I keep reminding myself that I don't need the clomiphene citrate to ovulate or get pregnant.  I might just yet release that perfect egg on my own and get it fertilized.  It does happen.  I have age related infertility issues.  The eggs are there and plentiful just not good quality.  Eventually I will have to accept the fact that I might never become a mother.  It isn't the end of my life.  Having a child isn't everything.  But it would be nice to be blessed with a child or two.

So I've come to the end of my boring blog post.  Today its calm.  Just the normal noises of construction in my neighborhood.  I was woken up by jack hammering on the road.  This is going to be quite normal until July.  July will bring a bit more peace to the neighborhood.

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