Monday, April 18, 2011
Marriage: The Three Legged Race
Last night I came to a startling realization, our marriage is a three legged race and I feel like I'm the only one in that darn rubber band. I spoke a bit harshly last night. I was tired of my spouse sitting on the sidelines with me and the Army carrying the burden of decision making. Marriage is a participation sport. We have to help one another to that finish line.
Wait a minute, there is a finish line? Yes unfortunately every marriage has a finish line. Some finish sooner than others but the goal is "until death do us part". Some chose to cut the rubber band early and go for a divorce. Others just sit idly by and watch as the other spouse struggles to make all the decisions and carry the load thus dragging the person they love so darn much along with them.
With my analogy last night I realized that my spouse has been sitting on the sidelines. Its so easily done when the job gets in the way. The Army can get in the way. The Army can take over a marriage and destroy it if you let it. I'm always checking up to make sure that it doesn't get into bulldozer mode and wreck our marriage.
A three legged race is all about sacrifices, balance, support and reaching that common goal. If one person goes too fast the other will stumble and fall. If one person tries to go off in another direction the other will get dragged along and no one likes road rash. If something comes between you and adds friction to your rubber band, IE: The Army and infertility, then you must slow down and evaluate its reason for being there. The balance part comes in when the other person needs more support. So you put your arm around them and hold them close knowing that the two of you will make it to the end.
My illness, the ovarian cysts, is causing some conflict. Our vacation plans for Yellowstone look like they are off the table entirely. I can't walk that far around the park in this amount of pain. J's training is becoming an issue too making our vacation window smaller. Gas prices are eating at our budget for vacation. So we are now making plans to possibly go on a cruise. Not to some hot spot. No, just a small cruise to some place nearby. If our plans collapse further it might just become a ferry boat ride. But what ever happens we'll make it work.
The Army won't always be in our three legged race, nor will the fertility issues. Children though always a part of us, if we can have some, won't always live with us either. Its just J and I in that rubber band. We are in this adventure together exploring the race course. Life is the adventure and we are going to live it together.
Pain update. About 0630 hrs my ovarian cyst pain hit a crescendo and I yelped in pain. I was doing absolutely nothing but laying in bed. Many more of those and I'll have to head to the Emergency Room. I really don't want to lose either of my ovaries.