Friday, April 15, 2011

Waiting With Frail Hope

Grey clouds stroll
By the sun has yet to
Shine my inner light.


So many thoughts enter my mind
On puffy white clouds,
                                                                                    On dark grey clouds,
                                                                                    On thin wispy streaks.
                                                                                    Where to seek,
                                                                                    Where to go,
                                                                                    What to do and
                                                                                    Yet I sit and wait.

                                                                                   The pain will pass,
                                                                                   The cysts will shrink but
                                                                                   How long must I wait?
                                                                                   I wait.

                                                                                   I wonder,
                                                                                  Will I ever conceive?
                                                                                  Did I wait too long?

The fertility issue is mine and mine alone but not my burden to carry alone.  Just the other day J told me he was sorry that he asked me to wait so long to start our family when he was ready.  Did we wait too long?  Maybe.  I still have eggs and they are plentiful.  I'm not likely to run out any time soon.  The fertility issue is one of age.  My eggs are old and the quality ones are now a rare find.

Do I still have a chance?  My doctor thinks so but its going to cost us dear and there is still no guarantee.

Now I sit and wait while women 'round me swell with life.


  1. Thanks for your comment. And I'm so very very sorry you're going through this! I don't know if it's the same everywhere, but spring up here is just horrible. Swollen bellies EVERYWHERE. I hope your time comes sooner than later. <3

  2. I am so sorry that you are having to conquer this. I am infertile as well because of problems with my ovaries. As I read your post I realized something. since I have become an Army wife I have met more women with fertility issues just like ME then I ever have in my whole life. It really makes me feel like I have people to talk to now. People who understand the situation. So many other people just don't understand and I don't think they ever will.

    If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here!



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