Friday, June 24, 2011
And So It Continues
I haven't slept yet and its now 0643 hrs. I tried to sleep but the pain kept me awake. I even took a hot bath before trying to retire for the night. No luck.
Tylenol isn't cutting the pain. Oh and the bleeding picked up.
My vacation plans are now out the window. I had already decided to fore-go the cruise to Alaska because of the fertility treatments. Now it looks as though I won't be able to go far at all. I'll have to stay close to home and near the hospital if the pain and bleeding continue.
I'd love to just get the heck out of Dodge for a few days. I need to escape the house. But even a bump in the road right now causes extra pain. J won't mind spending three weeks at home but I will. I really looked forward to our vacation.
In the beginning we had planned on taking a trip out to Yellowstone. Then it became a cruise to Alaska. Now I'll be lucky if I can take a day trip to the beach.
I'm not looking for pity. I'm looking for understanding. I just don't understand why I have to suffer when trying to get pregnant. I don't understand why this whole process has to be so difficult.
I'm angry. I'm cranky. I'm in pain.
Looking out my window behind my computer monitor is often relaxing when I'm this upset. Sometimes it can be rather amusing. Other times it can be quite shocking. Right now I see cat and bird.
Silly hummingbird is trying out all four plastic flowers on the feeder. Is it thinking one is more tasty than the other?
The neighbor's cat is grooming itself in the front window. Does that make it an exhibitionist or me a voyeur?
3 days past ovulation and 11 more until testing.
I want my Summertime. I want the heat of the long summer days and bonfires on the beach. I want to put my bare feet up on the dash of the truck while J is taking us for a drive. I want to hear the crickets and frogs at night as I fall to sleep. I want the thunder and lightening storms of summer. I miss seeing lightening bugs, we don't have them here on the west coast. I miss surfing in the back of J's pick up truck.