Monday, May 23, 2011

Collecting My Thoughts

I have so very much on my mind these days.  I have a lot to get done about the house too.  But right now I think I just need to sit a bit and think some things through, wool gathering if you will.

Sometimes I like to sit and think about my life, where I've been, where I'm going, and how I can take better control of my destiny.  I'm always wanting to improve myself but I don't always know how to go about doing the improvement.  I want to be a better me.

Improving myself isn't always about losing the weight but it is about creating better habits.  It isn't about making better first impressions but making longer lasting friendships.  Its about being comfortable in who I've become and who I will eventually be when this life cycle is completed.

Oh sure I have goals, I think that goals are a perfect way to challenge ourselves to keep trying harder.  Some goals are easier for others than for me but its not going to stop me from trying just because its harder.

My thoughts are wandering to random things.  Right now I wonder that if I stop blogging and just shut off the computer for a week, a month, or longer will my friends still be there when I turn it back on?  Or did I just imagine the friendships that we've created?  Its not so much a reality check as it is a check on what is truly important to my every day well being.

There are days when after I've read someone's blog or their status update I feel some how less of a person, angry, or even depressed.  I do wonder how much these people write is written with a twist on truth or actually meant to hurt someone else.  Am I becoming one of those people that will illicit a particular response in my friends just for the shear joy of being heard?  I would like to think not but then again this is why I'm taking time to collect my thoughts.

My blog is most important to me and me alone.  I chose to write my thoughts here not so much to gain attention but more to keep an online journal of sorts.  My memory is not the best and by blogging I can look back and see that, "okay I felt or did such and such on this date".  Of course I don't share my deepest thoughts and feelings here because it is too public.  I keep to myself that which should be kept close.  Oh sure there are days that I want to really vent and open up that which is hurting me and cry out "life is not fair" but, why should I?  I'm not here for pity.  I'm here for me.

Looking out my office window the hummingbirds zing back and forth between the feeder and the hanging flower pots.  Is their life any easier?

J, I miss you.


  1. I can understand what you are going through with all these thoughts and things going on in your mind. I am going through something similar. I just keep asking myself same questions over and over. Hopefully we can find some peace within ourselves and feel more at ease.

  2. I think your thoughts, while random, show that you are still growing. It means you are still moving forward. I also think/hope that even if you take a break, we will still be here. At least I hope so, because God knows I have spurts of wordlessness.


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