Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Making Cookies

Today I'll be making the Nestle' Toll House Peanut Butter & Milk Chocolate chip cookies.  All for the guys at the COF of course.  I usually make something for them on Wednesdays and have J bring them in on Thursdays.

Most likely I'll get started on making the cookies this afternoon after the appointment at the FLC (family life center).  Yes we still go to the FLC quite often.  I guess finding some time to talk to a mediator does help as our marriage is staying strong.  Its far from perfect and we do continue to argue but I know of no couple that doesn't argue when each feels as though they have a valid point.

Making cookies gives me the chance to feel useful.  I know the soldiers love my baked goods.  I know they love the cookies the best because they are more portable and less messy.  Right now our trying to conceive has been put to the back burner.  I rather feel a bit useless because most of the females in my neighborhood are either pushing around strollers or pushing about their big bellies.  My husband said its like they are flaunting their ability to have a baby, something we might never have.

Yes we are trying to deal with the fact that we might never have the chance for a biological baby.  Adoption, with my spouse being in the military, isn't as easy as it could be.  If we are short on time at our duty station then we are a risk.  If he could be deployed we are also a risk.  State adoption agencies don't like to give babies to parents when one might not be there to raise the child.  For us it will have to be private adoption and I know its expensive.  Our best bet truly is to just keep trying to have a child of our own.  Maybe down the road, possibly at our next duty station, we'll apply for the foster parent program.  Two of my aunts were foster parents and they loved the foster children as if they were their own blood.

Thinking of what I might be missing by not having a child makes me depressed.  Baking improves my mood since I am a foodie.  Call it aromatherapy at its best.  I like knowing that my baking skills are making other folks happy and the smells in my house are just wonderful.

I'm not going to give up hope just yet.  Technology keeps advancing.  Now if only my checkbook would grow accordingly to keep up with the price of the technology. 

Tomorrow is Fibromyalgia Awareness Day.  With any luck I'll remember to post about this problem and how it affects my every day life.


  1. I wish my husband was as in tune with me as yours is! I often feel like the fertile flaunt their ability to procreate as well, even though I know that's not really true. They usually just don't know any better. To them, infertility is like a fairy tale, not truly real. And I also love to bake - it calms me. I sometimes think I should have opened a bakery. Maybe someday I will.

    I still think of you xoxo

  2. You know that my problem isn't in the conception, but in carrying a baby full term. I've had a miscarriage and a still birth. I know that I should be thrilled with the two children I have, but in the new relationship I still want to give it a go since he's never had a child before.

    Thinking of you always. Big hugs

  3. I totally understand what you mean about baking. When I'm feeling down you'll find lots of cookies and brownies and cupcakes in my house. Though if you walk into my house and it's spotless, you'll know I'm mad and you may want to ask what my husband did to piss me off.


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