Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Living With FMS and CMP
Now that he is back home I'm falling back into the old habits. I'm wearing myself out. With my husband home there is twice the work to do. Twice the laundry. Twice the amount to cook. I feel guilty if I can't do it all like a "normal" unemployed with no children Army Wife would do. I have to get over that guilt and realize that it does me no good to force myself to do for everyone around me and put myself last. If I get sicker who is going to take care of me? Just me.
So my husband I had a long talk over the weekend. We decided that he would give me at least an hour each night during the work week to take care of his own laundry, his own messes, and food preparation. I figure that if we can possibly cook up some casseroles and freeze them for the bad flare days we'll be good.
J is going to be leaving again soon and I'll be left to my own devices. Just now Align Staffing called me. I had totally forgotten who they were. Its not a great memory day for me. As a matter of fact had I not written myself a note over the weekend I would have forgotten to call Tricare this morning to schedule my physical therapy. So having Align Staffing call me today was a blessing. I need a new Respite Care Worker. They are going to send me a list of people available so that my husband and I can interview them with the hope that someone will be living close enough and is able to help out when I need them.
I need time for me. I need to take care of me. Having Fibromyaglia means that I am high maintenance. I need time to myself so that I can exercise, meditate, figure out what I'm able to do and able to eat each day. I need time with people most days as socializing can help fight off depression. I need love and understanding from my family and friends so that when I say, "NO" they'll not keep badgering me into a "yes".
Friday we went to Barnes and Noble in town and I browsed through the medical self-help books finally selecting one on Fibromyalgia. I read aloud some of it to J while in the store. I laughed, I wanted to cry at times, and it was just nice to have the authors, who also suffer with the Fibromyalgia and Chronic Myofascial Pain, understand what I go through each day. So I purchased the book Fibromyalgia and Chronic Myofascial Pain A Survival Manual, however I ended up paying full price at the book store rather than the deeply discounted price on line. Oh well, it happens. Often I don't remember that I can find books for less online but buying it in the store means that I can see it there, read from it there and truly know what I'm purchasing too.
For the next few days I'm going to be extremely busy. Tomorrow is not only a dentist appointment, but I'm going to have Equity in here doing their routine yearly inspection, along with the construction workers in the back yard attaching the new wiring and filling in the trench. They will shutting off all the power to my house for up to four hours. So I might not get the chance to post a blog tomorrow. Thursday I have an appointment at occupational therapy for my tendonitis.
I wore myself out over the weekend and now I'm paying for it. I have fibro fog today. I have so many aches and pains I'd lose count if I tried to list them. I really wish I had a better support system in place. I'm trying to build one as of today. I need to have one in place before J deploys again. I need to have one in place soon.
Friends, I need to know that I can depend on you if I need to call you. Even if its just a late night talk. I'm going to need your support.