Trigger Shot Time

Right now I'm sitting here blogging while I'm waiting for yet another phone call.  I always seem to be waiting on phone calls from my REI of late.

In the next hour the phone call I get should be from the SRM office in Seattle.  I'll get my time for my egg retrieval and the time that I'm to take my trigger shot.

I'm ready.  I'm nervous.  I'm excited.  I'm depressed.

My ovaries are starting to fail me.  We almost cancelled this IVF today.  Yes, the count is that low.  I have only 5 follicles there and some are as small as 9 mm right now.  I doubt some will be viable.

We were counseled on how to proceed.  I was hesitating on going through with the IVF, not because of the cost, but because it might not be worth the egg retrieval.  But, if we went to an IUI I know we would be wasting our money.  Four IUI's and not one of them worked what is to say another would work.

Dr. C. gave us the choice and I swear he was leaning towards the IUI but my husband thought differently.  J thought that Dr.C. had some positive news and thought that we could achieve a pregnancy still though, the odds are lowered with less candidates.

If this IVF cycle fails, and I count a miscarriage as a fail, then we won't be able to get into another cycle until March.  Had we decided to go with the IUI they could have gotten us into the next IVF cycle which is January.

Because there is still a possibility of my husband deploying we opted to go with the IVF now.  Fingers crossed it will work.

I won't be having a day 5 transfer, I'll be having a day 3 transfer.  This means that Saturday I'll have my embryo/s put in me.  If I even have any to transfer.

I'm afraid to hope.  I'm really depressed thinking that none will make it that stage of transference.  I want a baby so bad. 

After we received the results of the ultrasound, my lining is 9.2 right now, and the number of follicles, I wanted to cry.  I really didn't think we had a snowball's chance in hell of conceiving.  I really hope that my despair is soon gone.  I'm trying to think positive but I'm actually afraid to have hope.

Oh and if I hear one more person tell me I should adopt I think I might lose my calm and do something I really shouldn't.  Seriously if you can't say something supportive and can only tell me, "its just not your time", "it wasn't meant to be", or "you should adopt", then perhaps you should hold your tongue.