Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Can I Get Some Quiet, Please

 I found myself in the pages of a book. Not just any book but Quiet by Susan Cain.

I had long concealed, even from my spouse, just how introverted I was until reading this particular book. I decided to face up to the fact that I wasn't happy faking who I was.

I found out that I'm the type of person that is always self monitoring herself. I'm always aware of what I'm doing and the impact of my decisions and actions on those around me. When I have to be out in society or at a family gathering I'm always trying to please someone else, I'm a social chameleon if you will. I'd rather just be pleasing me but I had no clue how to do just that until now. I've learned that I can use something called " free trait theory". If I plan to act a certain way or do a certain thing to please someone else I should be prepared to give back to myself some free time to do what I need to make me happy.  I like to read, craft, take long walks all of which make me feel more energized than say an aerobics class where I'd have to participate with a bunch of other people.

After I read this book and applied some of its ideas my marriage improved right off. My husband, also an introvert, readily understood what I needed when I said I need some "Me" time. I needed to recharge after doing for everyone. 

Its going to take some time for this highly reactive individual to learn to put herself first when possible. I was raised with two extroverted parents that were more self-involved with their own lives then in the lives of their children. But there were expectations to be fulfilled. I was always under a lot of stress to perform and perform well.

Now begins my journey of self exploration and relieving the stress in my life. Now its my time to find what makes me happy.

Are you an introvert or extrovert? Author Susan Cain explores how introverts can be powerful in a world where being an extrovert is highly valued. Join From Left to Write on January 19 as we discuss Quiet: The Power of Introverts by Susan Cain. We'll also be chatting live with Susan Cain at 1PM Eastern on January 26. As a member of From Left to Write, I received a copy of the book. All opinions are my own.


  1. Sounds like an interesting book. I'm also an introvert and feel like I'm constantly struggling to determine how much time I can comfortably spend with people vs alone. It must have been difficult for you to have self-involved, extroverted parents.

  2. i'm just learning that an introvert isn't necessarily someone who can't be social, but someone who finds it exhausting. i hate small talk and i avoid it whenever possible, but i think some people would never think i am an introvert.

  3. This sounds similar to the book Introvert Power, which was very enlightening to me. I definitely recharge when I have time to myself, and since I work with people all day, I really need that at the end of the day.

  4. I cherish my "me" time as well. After reading Quiet, I realize it's my recharging time too.

  5. I'm a self-monitorer too! It's a HUGE relief to admit to someone that you've been faking it. Allowing yourself to slow down and accept who you are will be so refreshing!

  6. I really liked the chapter about free traits and socially poised introverts as well. I think there's many of us ambiverts/more intoverted souls out there who need that quiet time/down time after being in crowds and socially demanding situations.

    Best to you!

  7. You just described my sister. I am constantly telling her that she needs "me" time. She feels she has to be the entertainment for everyone in her family and she has to be the one to make things fun for people at gatherings. I've often wondered if she herself was having fun. Interesting. I'll have to recommend this book to her.

    It's wonderful that you were able to see that you needed "me" time. I have always given myself me time because otherwise I tend to feel trapped by the people seeking my attention. Good luck to you as you continue to grow!

  8. I hope you can find and enjoy your 'me' time. It sounds like you've probably saved up quite a large bank accounts worth of that time. Have fun making the withdrawal and depositing it back into you! :>

  9. Sounds like a powerful book for you!


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