Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Its A Wash

As of this morning my joy and hope are gone.

Of the 9 eggs retrieved, 5 were mature, 1 fertilized.

I think its probably over.

I'd write more but I'm so angry right now.  I'm feeling hate to the universe and my spouse. 

Why the spouse?  Well he didn't do a damn thing yesterday to help me except drive and take the 3 photos.  All those casseroles I made ahead, he didn't even microwave one for me yesterday.  He made me fend for myself in all the pain I was in.  He got the day off of work and just took care of himself.  So right now I'm feeling a lot of the hate towards him.  I couldn't even get him to put out fresh pot holders after I put the others in the hamper.

Oh and I'm doing laundry today.  He had a full load of his own and I guess it was just too much for him to do his laundry yesterday so I have to do it today.  I did ask him to do his.  Heck I couldn't even get him to study yesterday. Instead he played on his computer.   I'm also doing a load of the household and a few socks of mine.  Seriously I'm supposed to be resting.  He can bite my ass!

37 comments:

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    1. Thanks. I could use the hugs and kisses right now because I'm crying.

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  2. Im sorry that more didnt fertilize. Will the 1 be able to be transferred?

    I hope you and your husband can talk through things for the future. I am thinking about you.

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    1. I don't know yet if we'll be able to transfer. Depends on if the embryo makes it through the next two nights. Talk yes, but will he understand my women speak? I think at times I speak in a foreign tongue when trying to converse with my husband.

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  3. I am so sorry friend. I don't know what to say except don't lose hope. Maybe all you need is the one. I will be praying and hoping for the best. Take care xxx

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    1. I know that some clinics, even abroad, prefer to only transfer the one embryo. Its all we had last IVF and I miscarried. With all those eggs we had hoped for 3 or 4 to up my odds of getting one to stick around. I wasn't really concerned with multiples.

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  4. I am sooo sorry, on so many levels. : ( Did you guys happen to do ICSI?? I'm particularly upset too, at what a crap job your hubs is doing to take care of you. Really disappointing. I'm still hopeful for your 1.

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    1. We did ICSI and Assisted Hatching will be done if it makes it that far. My eggs are just now crap due to age. J's morphology wasn't the best either. I'm wondering if it got better or worse this time around. Maybe that is why only 1 of 5 mature fertilized...too many factors.

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  5. I'm still holding out for the one that fertilized.

    I wish I could come over and do your laundry, cook for you, and pour you a nice glass of wine. (why not?, the embryo isn't back in your body yet to notice :)

    Hugs and long distance internet support. Thinking of you and your one strong embie :)

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    1. Sorry but I'm afraid to hope. I got my hopes up with the first IVF. I had real hopes this time around with so many eggs and 5 being mature. All I can do is cry now. Let the hormone roller coaster keep going, maybe I'll get lucky and it will fall off a cliff.

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    2. Rebecca I am so sorry. That sucks big time. I will be praying that the one that did fertilize is a fighter and sticks around!

      Wish I could give you some real-life hugs and support.

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    3. Ditto Orange Girl. I am so sorry.I really hope they can transfer the 1 and that it will stick. HUGS my friend.

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  6. Will they transfer the one on day three? I am praying for the one! Thinking of you...

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    1. If the one makes it to day 3 then yes.

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  7. Oh hon, I completely understand the 'afraid to hope' and so I will hold some of that hope for you. No platitudes, just know that someone a long way away (well, reading that there's a few of us!) is thinking of you and your little emby and wishing good things for you.

    Re the laundry - can you not just leave it? (I know, it piles up and doesn't get done, but I think you get a free pass for a coupla days) Thats really frustrating, what you are writing about your 'recuperation'. I understand its an emotional time, but yeah, I'd be pissed off if Mr Stinky disappeared into his cave and forgot about me after something like that. I think you have every right to order some kinda dial-a-yum - for one - if you have to sort yourself out right now.

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    1. I've already gained another 3 pound from the egg retrieval in one day. I'm afraid to order something yummy.

      J is home now. He is studying. There is no housekeeping left to do. I did give him a nice what for lecture about his bad behaviour and ignoring our plan of care for me.

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  8. oh, my dear, i am so sorry. it's times like these when it's hard for you to stay strong and hopeful. which is when the rest of us come in. we'll hope for you and keep our fingers and toes crossed.

    i'm so sorry that your hubby is being just a butthead. maybe he's doing his own mourning? still, you had surgery - he should be catering to your every need.

    xoxoxoxo
    hugs from afar.

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    1. J had no clue until this morning when I was finally able to contact him at work that only one fertilized. So his bad behaviour yesterday was uncalled for. He totally disregarded our family care plan for me.

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  9. Oh, fuck. I'm really sorry. Don't do anything else around the house, go to bed with a good book and get a takeaway.

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    1. I may just go lie down with a book. I have one I want to finish and another one I need to start for the review I need to do of it.

      Oh and a person who shall remain nameless just callously announced her pregnancy today on-line. She knew I'd been trying for a while. That it just rub it in that you are now on #3.

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    2. Ug. You didn't need THAT on top of everything else.

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  10. Sorry you didn't get better results but hopefully the 1 that did make it to fert is a rockstar! And what is it with men? Ugh! ((hugs))

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  11. That is shit. I am so sorry. I will pray and think good thoughts to youe little embie and hope for a 3 day transfer FOR you. I know it feels impossible and scary to hope at this point. I would feel the same way. So we will do it for you.
    Take care of yourself and please have an honest talk with your hubby about what you need. He needs to understand what you are going through to give you both a child.
    Stay strong.

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    1. I just keep crying then getting angry today. Now I'm wallowing in egg rolls, pie and cake. Okay so not a complete pig out but I did eat three egg rolls, one slice of cake and I couldn't resist a second on the pie. Maybe a sugar rush will make me stop wanting to cry.

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  12. Rebecca, I only just got to log in and went straight to see your blog. I am so sorry that you did not get the news you were hoping for. I am the same age as you, so I totally understand your disappointment. I pray that this one egg is "the one", but I understand your wanting to be realistic. Just try and take a day at a time and give the little eggie a chance. I am so sorry that you are sad and mad and that your Mr is not being nice. Guys can be so insensitive! sending lots of good thoughts your way. Take care.

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    1. Currently he is studying or hopefully he is. I'd rather not have to play mommie to him and check up on the studying. Oh he knows quite well he made me furious and I let into him with a conversation telling him so.

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  13. So sorry Rebecca. That just sucks. I too am holding out hope for the 1 fertilized egg. Hope you are physically feeling ok after retrieval. Big hugs to you.

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    1. Still in pain but I'm holding off on taking any pain medication until after my bath tonight. I took only one pain pill this morning. Its not been easy to go without it either.

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  14. So sorry to hear this news. :( I hope your husband can get his head out of his ass and take care you!

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    1. If he still had his pony tail I'd have a better chance of locating his head. Military hair cuts make it hard to distinguish the head from the unshaven ass.

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  15. I'm so sorry. I am still hoping for the one egg. Sorry your husband is being a jerk. UGH! I seriously hate that. It makes me want to scream "Look I do so much for you and I'm in pain so can you please help me for ONCE," but that won't even make them budge. I am sure he is usually a sweet guy, but when you're already in a stressful situation that just adds to the sh*t. I think you are a total bad ass for even having dinner frozen to just warm up. *HUGS* all the way from AZ.

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  16. Grrr. Give him a good verbal lashing! Sorry he's being insensitive and not helping you out.

    And (*HUGS*) so sorry that only one fertilized. I know how hard it is to allow yourself to hope, especially after what you've been through... so I'm going to hold onto hope for you.

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  17. I'm sorry you got bad news. I am praying so hard this little emby grows perfectly and is all you need to get pregnant! I hope your Hubby steps it up soon. Hugz!

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  18. I am so sorry this didn't go the way you had hoped. We'll all do the hoping for you that your one embie makes it through. You just focus n taking care of yourself.

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  19. What?? How does that happen? I'm so sorry for your bad luck. Please don't give up hope though. I have a friend that only had one egg retrieved and she still ended up pregnant. I know it didn't go as you had liked but there is still hope!

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  20. (((HUGS))) I'm so sorry I was wrapped up in my world, and wasn't here to support you through this xoxo

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