J apologized for his bad behavior on my surgery day with flowers and sweets. As you can see they are on my big dining room table with all my meds and my instruction sheet for the embryo transfer.
I have yet to hear from Dr. C. today on the status of my embryo. I know he is quite busy since this is the week on the calendar we all were supposed to be retrieving. Last night SRM called me with the time and date of the embryo transfer. What if there is nothing to transfer? I'm scared. Last time I had just one embryo. It was perfect. As perfect as they can get and it didn't stick. I have only a 10% chance of this one making it and becoming a take home baby.
Friends I thank you for all your support. Knowing that I have so many supporters out there means a lot to me when I'm so hormonal.
Last night I had a friend call me. She begged me to accept the apology of the fertile girl that was so callous about her announcement. My friend swears that the girl never reads my blog. Well if she never reads my blog then how did she come across my reply comment on my blog about the callousness of her behaviour? DUH! She obviously reads my blog. I did say, "good luck" to her on her announcement.
Of course I wish her no ill will. I know first hand how precious babies are, and how hard it is for some of us to conceive. She is a fertile and so is my friend.
Now for my rant. I might get vicious and I need to point out that some of my friends and acquaintances can be found at either end of this and some somewhere in the middle.
An infertile gal waits for the embryo report with the phone next to the shower curtain so she doesn't miss that ever important call. First she hesitates to even take the shower fearing she might not be able to hear the ring. While the fertile gal could care less if the phone rings and she'll get to it when she gets to it.
An infertile gal counts her two week wait in injections and Endometrin depending on protocol. A fertile gal hardly will notice until her period is already late.
An infertile gal can pinpoint the day, and time in which her baby was created. The fertile gal might not even pay attention to when her last period was but figures it was sometime during the sex crazed week she had.
An infertile gal knows the donor number of her sperm or spouse. Some, not all, fertile women can't pinpoint who the father is. I knew one gal that had a line up of possible fathers and had them all tested.
An infertile gal is supposed to suppress, stimulate, and then maintain with progesterone to get pregnant before the embryo is even put in her. The fertile gal drinks, smokes, dances, lifts mountains of loads of laundry and has no clue she might be pregnant.
The infertile gal will most likely, unless she has a blog, suppress her urge to tell the world that she is pregnant at the first or second Beta because she knows it could all go south. She will wait until the beginning of the second trimester and sometimes wait until week 24 when she knows the baby has a chance to survive on its own. The fertile gal takes the home pregnancy test decides to go out and start baby clothes shopping.
The infertile gal is often put on full pelvic rest due to cysts caused by the stims, which means sex is not an option. No not even masturbation. The fertile gal is able to continue to have sex.
An Infertile gal is hyped up on hormones but is told by her friend that doesn't understand she needs to accept an apology from a pregnant gal because that girl is pregnant. The infertile is taking meds which mimic pregnancy in order to support pregnancy at higher levels than what are in an already pregnant woman's body and I'm the one that has to "be a bigger person"? The Fertile gal sniffles and boo hoo's that an infertile monster is jealous of her and someone calls the INFETILE "a skanky dependapotmus that is jealous".
The infertile gal will quietly and with much reserve notify other infertiles of her joy not wanting to upset them on their infertile path, unless she has a blog she shares with other infertiles that cheer her on. She will understand if they can't handle her joy and don't want to converse with her until they are better able to cope. The Fertile gal will blurt to the world she is pregnant and not give a rat's ass about her infertile friends that have suffered loss after loss.
The last two pregnancies I was very quiet about announcing them. You would have had to look closely at my blog to see that I had even said for sure I was or wasn't. I'm trying to be careful to not hurt anyone's feelings but dammit I have feelings and if you read my blog and are fertile and don't have the foresight to tell me personally, if you are a close friend, of your upcoming sproglet then you aren't a very good friend. I don't like to find out via mass media that a supposed friend could care less about my feelings. Frankly you just rubbed my face in your second kid's dirty diaper with what you said. Thanks a lot.
Oh and I just got word. How its even possible I don't know since the last one was as perfect as possible but Dr. C. said this one is even better than the last one.
Me: I know I only have a 10% chance of it implanting due to egg age.
Dr. C.: I have no fear that this one will implant because its more perfect than the last one.
I have a bit of hope again.
Oh and yes if you are one of the Fertiles I mentioned above learn compassion for those that are infetile.
If you are one of my friends remember I've lost 3 pregnancies, 4 babies already.
If you are infertile I hope that all of us will soon become mom's with take home babies. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.