As If They Care

I have lost five recorded babies.  I care.  Maybe there are some out there that don't care.  I know I found one horrible person today that doesn't care. 

Today I called for my HCG results.  It was negative.  Another lost cycle.  I asked Nurse J what the number was and she said is was just a yes or no qualitative.  I knew she wouldn't put me in for a beta.  Why is she such a rotten nurse?

Nurse J was rude.  She acted like she was sick of hearing me call the office for results and pleading for appointments.  Lt.Col. B. won't be back until January.  So much for only three months away.  I swear things are better when he is there.

I pleaded with Nurse J for an appointment for two weeks after my period will start.  She said the soonest she can get me for a follow up appointment is November 6th. 

I pleaded with her to at least be allowed to do blood work to see if I ovulate next cycle.  She said it is up to the doctor.  Well duh, but she could at least have been nice and said she'll talk to him and call me back. Nurse M or Nurse S would have been nice to me and even tried to get me in earlier.

 I said that because my endometriosis pain is so bad during my bleed that I would like to see about doing progesterone support for two weeks directly after ovulation.  I said that it helped with the pain before.  Again I WILL HAVE TO ASK THE DOCTOR.  What happened to the nurse being the one that will do the leg work.  It isn't like I have the number to the doctor's line where he will be the only one to pick up.  Oh I have the number but Nurse J will always grab it first and decide if it can be forwarded or not.

I'm so tired of fighting for my reproductive rights.  I want a baby. 

I did explain to Nurse J that I want to do donor eggs but I am not sure when I'll be able to do so.  I told her that I know that the endo is growing back and that because donor eggs are so expensive I don't want to lose the baby to the endo because of it growing back.  Stone cold silence. She didn't care. 

I am not a lost cause with pregnancy.  I am 43.  If Michelle Duggar can still make a baby at 43 and one at 45, yes I know she lost that one, then there is no reason why I can't make one too.  Nurse J shouldn't write me off if Dr.C. thinks I still have a good chance of making one on my own without donor eggs.

As for reporting Nurse J, I did report her to three of the doctors and two of the nursing staff this past spring.  Nurse J was nice to me for about two weeks after reporting her.  Now she is back to being a rotten nurse.

I'm starting to have the attitude of "I want to get pregnant to show her and shut her up".

I'm getting tired of arguing with this nurse that I need progesterone support.  Two months in a row of low progesterone numbers 7DPO should tell  the RE staff  that I need progesterone if only to make the endo symptoms less.  Funny Dr. S., the newest doctor, said she would like me on progesterone.  Now Nurse J, two cycles ago says that she only meant if I wasn't going to try.  Well true but Dr.S. also suggested it to ease my symptoms too.

Right now the cramps are killing me and I'm not due until Wednesday.  I guess that is what happens when the embryo decides to implant then can't be supported.  Two months in a row now.  No I'm not counting the past two cycles as part of my 5 I've lost.  I probably should but I just can't face a number that is now reaching ten for every time I've ovulated, felt it implant only to lose it before the lab work.  It hurts too much to think of.  Besides it is only my word that the embryo implanted for a few days then died.  I didn't have an IVF to even prove there was an embryo there.

J and I were talking about doing an IUI next cycle.  If they can't get me in until my third week of my cycle I don't see how that will be possible.  I just called and left a message for Nurse M.  Hopefully she will be the one to call me back.