Tuesday, October 9, 2012
A Little Bitter
my shop today. Yesterday I finished up a grey one that I'll soon post too.
Okay I don't get it. I'm a little bitter about the whole situation. I just found out that a fellow blogger is 14 weeks pregnant from her last FET. I'm really happy for her but I'm bitter because she has felt like she needs to hide it from the blogging community.
What have we infertiles become? Why is it that when one of us gets pregnant we get all pissy?
Seriously I've lost four pregnancies, 5 babies. Every one of them was special to me no matter how long they were there for. But seriously I'm not going to get pissed just because some other woman got pregnant after suffering through a long infertile journey. I wouldn't want my infertile friends to be upset just because I got pregnant. No, I would hope that they would be happy for me too.
While in the two week wait during my IVFs I was afraid to announce that I had success. I would only state that I saw a faint line and it could be nothing. It was never nothing. I too was afraid of the possible hate comments that many have been known to post. A fellow female infertile blogger, that now has twins, told me what she went through the first time she was pregnant. I was afraid to be excited. I'm saddened now that looking back on those blog posts I didn't jump with joy when I saw the two pink lines. I should have celebrate even a short lived miracle.
Where has the support gone? Just because someone got pregnant this cycle while doing treatments or had a natural pregnancy after trying for years and years shouldn't mean that we devalue their happiness. It doesn't mean just because they are pregnant it won't happen for us either.
Yes, I too was bitter when back in 1996 after having to have a D&C a close friend comes over and announced she was pregnant. I should have been happy for her since she had lost so many and had been trying for years. But yes, she too could have been a little bit nicer about the announcement and waited a day or two after I got home to tell me.
I do feel right in being bitter though when teenage pregnancy occurs that isn't wanted. Especially when the teenager didn't care to use protection, doesn't have a job, isn't married so that someone responsible besides the soon to be grandparents can support the baby. I'm bitter that they decide to keep the baby when so many would love to have that baby to raise.
Just this past week a friend of my husband's became a grandparent. His teenage daughter gave birth. His daughter was still in school and I hope she goes back to high school after she is well enough to finish her degree. Oh and should I say, probably not, that her parents are on public assistance because they fell on hard times. Way to go teenage daughter, burden your parents with yet another mouth to feed. Don't judge me for my thoughts. The girl's boyfriend is in the picture but is also not able to support the new mouth. So who ends up supporting them? The tax payers. Think about that for a minute. 25- 45k for adoption of a US born baby when we have so many on public assistance. How is that fair?
Nothing is ever fair. Drop the fairly tale you've been reading. Suck it up and drive on. Support your friends when they are pregnant and stop complaining already about how you think it's not fair that they got pregnant on their first IVF, IUI, FET or medicated cycle. Shit happens. Secretly you know you wish it were you and you'd want their support so don't forget to give it them.
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